Moonlight Reflections

Jaxsen stood on a dock that looked out upon a small lake. The party behind him raged on and it wasn’t until about half an hour ago that he was able to sneak away from the blaring music, alcohol and pot smoke and the abundance of college graduates in attendance. Jaxsen leaned against the wooden railing, the smoke from his blunt dissipating in the light spring breeze. He knew Basil was in the house, probably still tearing up the dance floor with Bailey.

           Jaxsen smiled at the thought of his friend whom he had met their freshman year at the University of Illinois in an English Lit class. They became instant friends, her protective side coming out to protect the little ones, as she called them, from anyone who might try and cause trouble. No one ever did and he often wondered if that was Bailey’s influences or just happenstance.

           Jaxsen thought back to the last graduation he’d been a part of. His and Basil’s high school graduation and the events of the couple days leading up to it. He shook his head at the memory in an exhale and took another hit. Those forty-eight hours leading up to that moment were disastrous; beginning with one phone call.

           Jaxsen and Basil were babysitting Emmelee-Lin while Sebastian and Nizhoni went out on a long overdue date night. The boys were more than happy to watch the little girl. They were making dinner in the kitchen, goofing around while the chicken sizzled in the pan, when the phone began to ring.

           “I’ll get it.” Basil kissed Jaxsen with a smile before making his way into the living room where the phone was cradled.

           Jaxsen did not hear the conversation but noticed instantly Basil’s change in demeanor when he stalked back into the kitchen. Basil’s face was one of anger, his body tight and fists clenched. But Jaxsen saw the look in his eyes. The one that said that he was trying to reign in his emotions.

           “What’s wrong? Who was on the phone?”

           Basil laughed without humor. “You’ll never fucking guess. I can’t believe that bitch has the fucking nerve to call here…”

           Jaxsen frowned. “Your mother?”

           “One and the same. Wanted to know if I would mind her coming to my graduation. I mean…is she fucking serious? After all the shit she’s put me through this year? Fucking disowning me, for Christ’s sake…what the fuck does she want from me? To just…forget that happened? Forget that she beat the shit out of me…she…” He stopped talking and shook his head, breaking eye contact with Jaxsen. “I don’t want to have anything to do with her.”

           Jaxsen made his way over to Basil and drew his hand up and down his back slowly. “You don’t have to have anything to do with her. She made that choice. Now she has to live with it. You have to live with it. She has no right to be a part of your life, Basil, if you don’t want her to be.”

           “Right,” he replied. “Tomorrow we’re still going to pick up our tuxes up from the tailor’s right?”

           Jaxsen nodded. “Yeah. We’re supposed to go by there around one. You wanna go get something to eat afterwards? Go to lunch or something. Have a nice meal before we meet up with Melissa?”

           “Yeah, that sounds good.” He nodded still leaning against the counter, his eyes slipped closed as he sighed.

           “I’m sorry, baby.” Jaxsen kissed his shoulder lightly as Basil nodded.

           “Yeah, I am, too. It isn’t fair, Jax.”

           “I know.”

           “Listen,” Basil began, “I’m gonna go upstairs for a while. I…I need to think. You’ll be alright for a while?”

           Jaxsen smiled. “Yeah. Don’t worry so much about me. You want me to come get you when the food is ready or you want me to just…save it for you for later?”

           Basil nodded. “Yeah. Just save it. I’m sure I’ll get hungry again at some point tonight.” With that he turned and made his way upstairs to the bedroom they shared more than they didn’t.

Emmelee-Lin watched him go with a small frown. As he’d walked past her he’d tousled her hair and gave her a small smile, which she returned, before she searched out her brother in the kitchen. Jaxsen was watching him go with a look of concern on his face and she tugged on his shirt to get his attention. He knelt down to her level as she began to sign.

“What’s wrong with Uncle Basil? He looks sad.”

“He’ll be okay, Emme. He’s a little sad, but he’ll be okay.” Jaxsen poked her nose with a smile before standing all the way back up.

“But why is he sad. You’re graduating on Monday. Shouldn’t that be happy?”

“Yeah, but it isn’t that, princess.”

“It was whoever was on the phone? Were they mean to him?”

Jaxsen smiled at her innocence and nodded. “Yeah. They were mean to him. But he’ll be okay, I promise.”

She beamed up at him, her smile showing the love and admiration she held for her big brother. “Because you’ll make him feel better, huh?”

He nodded. “Yep.”

“Because you love Uncle Basil, don’t you, Jackie? And you always want him to not be sad.”

“That’s right, princess.” Jaxsen smiled at the girl.

That night once Sebastian and Nizhoni returned home, Jaxsen returned to his room where he found Basil lying on the bed. He crawled next to him and wrapped his arms around him. Basil buried his face into Jaxsen’s shoulder and breathed him in, instantly calming.

“Why does she still have this effect on me? She hasn’t contacted me since I told her I was gay…after that night. Why now? Why does she care that I’m graduating? She doesn’t care about anything else. Why even bother calling me? Why the fuck did she have to come in and wedge herfuckingself into my head right now? Is this some kinda sick goddamn game she’s playing at? I don’t understand, Jax.”

Jaxsen kissed Basil’s head. “I don’t understand, either, my love.”

The next day they picked up their tuxes from the tailor’s at noon, having gotten a phone call that they were done earlier than anticipated and were ready if they wanted to come pick them up before the originally allotted time. About half an hour after picking up their tuxes they were being shown to a table. They ate with small talk and laughter, speaking of classes they were interested in taking the next school year; their freshman year of college.

When they reached the car Basil lightly pushed Jaxsen against it, dipping his head down and kissing the shorter boy with a smile. When he looked up and to his right, movement catching his eyes, all humor and good nature slid off his face. Jaxsen looked to his left and straightened his stance immediately.

“Basil, hi.” Maggie Robinson stared down at her folded hands, looking up to meet her son’s gaze before looking away.

“‘Hi’?” he said. “That’s all you have to say to me is ‘hi’?” Basil shook his head. “What do you want?”

“I wanted to…I don’t know maybe to…”

“To what? Finally be a mother? Too little too fucking late. You’ve made me hate you. You’ve made me hate myself. I’m nothing to you, remember? A disgusting sodomite that you could just discard with a signature and goddamn lawyer. Well, congrats, you got what you wanted. You don’t have a disgusting faggot as a son anymore. You don’t have to worry about me at all. You don’t have to even whisper my name anymore. I’m nothing to you. And you’re dead to me. You saw to that. Leave me alone.” He glared at her for a moment before looking to Jaxsen. “Let’s go home, please.”

The whole way home Basil didn’t utter a word. He kept his eyes away from Jaxsen, staring out at the world outside the car. Jaxsen kept glancing over at him at opportune moments, hating to see such pain in his expression. He knew talking right then would amount to nothing and so left him to his thoughts as he navigated through the roads back home.

He said nothing still as they exited the car and went inside. “Hey, guys, did you-what’s the matter?” Nizhoni interrupted herself by the look on Basil’s face, her eyes suddenly as worried as her expression. She walked up to him, glancing at Jaxsen for answers. He had none to give. It wasn’t his story. So he looked at his mother with an apologetic expression as he stood behind Basil holding both of their plastic wrapped tuxedoes.

“Zhoni…I…” He looked at her helplessly.

“What, baby, what’s going on, huh?” She was in full mother mode and it made Jaxsen smile just the slightest bit.

“I saw my mom…”

Jaxsen remembered how then tears pooled in Basil’s eyes. How he refused to let them fall. He accepted a hug from Nizhoni, took a deep breath, kissed her cheek and went upstairs. By the time Jaxsen arrived in the bedroom a few short minutes later, Basil was composed, and didn’t want to discuss the run-in with the woman who he used to call ‘Mom’.

He smiled as he heard footsteps on the dock coming up behind him. He knew it wouldn’t take long before his absence was discovered. Basil wrapped his arms around him from behind, placing a feather light kiss against his neck.

“Hi, beautiful. You okay out here?”

Jaxsen leaned back into Basil’s hold knowing full well he’d support his weight. Basil slightly swayed them side to side. The night air was cool with the fading briskness of spring as it led into summer.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Crowded in there. Needed some fresh air, is all. Loud. And the…abundance of intelligence that’s bustling within that house is just…overwhelming. It’s peaceful out here.”

Basil nuzzled into Jaxsen neck. “It really is.” Basil paused trying to keep his body from tightening in nervousness. He knew that Jaxsen would at any minute feel the air around him, electric filled and chaotic nerves, and question him about it soon. “You know I love you, right?”

Jaxsen smiled and nodded, his gaze still staring at the moon’s reflection in the water. “There’s nothing I doubt less than that knowledge.” He spoke on a contented sigh with that smile still playing on his lips. “I love you, too, Basil. More than you know.”

Basil’s heart sped up as he tightened his grip around the only person he’s ever loved. “Jaxsen.” Jaxsen turned around, his back against the railing, Basil’s arms going to either side of him, trapping him, their bodies separated only by millimeters. Jaxsen smiled, leaning forward a fraction, pressing their lips together for a moment in sweet passion. “Jaxsen,” Basil tried again once they’d broken apart. “I’ve loved you since I was ten years old. You’re the only one in my life who’s never let me down. Who’s always been there. You’re my best friend and I can’t imagine where my life would be now if you weren’t ever in it…or where my life would lead if you didn’t stay in it.” Basil traced his fingertips down Jaxsen’s cheek. “I don’t want to find out. Because I know it’s nowhere good. Stay with me forever, Jaxsen. Marry me?”

Jaxsen couldn’t breathe the whole time Basil spoke. He knew what was coming and the whole time tried to convince himself that’s not what was happening. Then those two unmistakable words were spoken and Jaxsen’s world pin-pointed on that moment. The rest of the world faded away. The party’s noise pollution and chatter zeroed to nonexistence and the two of them, that dock and the moon’s reflection were the only things on earth that existed.

Basil produced a black velvet box from the breast pocket of his light jacket and opened it, presenting the ring with a smile and misty eyes. Jaxsen glanced at Basil, to the ring and back again, his mouth agape with shock. Then he smiled as he threw his arms around him, crashing his lips against his, his own tears mixing with Basil’s as they kissed.

“Basil,” Jaxsen said in-between kisses, “yes. God, yes, yes, I’ll marry you. Nothing would make me happier than marrying my best friend. The one who saved me in so many ways. I can’t imagine spending my life without you either, baby, and God it hurts to even think about that. Yes.” He kissed him again, slower this time, their smiles never fading. “I love you so much. Let’s go home, Basil. Take me home.”

After several hours of slow, tender love-making, and some not-so slow and tender love-making, they collapsed, too exhausted and satiated to move. Jaxsen lay against Basil, his head resting on his chest, one leg wrapped around Basil’s and looked closely at the ring that now adorned his finger. 

“Do you like it?” Basil asked softly, his fingers pulling gently through his hair.

Jaxsen smiled. “I love it. It’s beautiful, Basil. It looks…old. It feels like it’s seen a lot in its life. And that it was given in so much love.”

Basil smiled. He’s so poetic. I love him so much. Out loud he said, “It is old. When I told my dad about wanting to ask you he smiled and gave it to me. He told me that it was my grandfather’s that my grandmother gave to him as an anniversary gift. Originally the ring was her father’s given to him by his father. I have his actual wedding band, too, and his father’s wedding band, to exchange at the service…if, that is, if you wanna use them?”

Jaxsen smiled and kissed Basil sweetly. “I’d love nothing more. Can I see them?” Jaxsen bit his lip in excitement, bouncing a small bit on his elbow.

Basil laughed. “No. Those are for the ceremony. I have them tucked away somewhere.” His smile was always like a bolt of happiness that shot through Jaxsen at the sight of it.

“I can’t wait,” Jaxsen said as he leaned upwards to kiss him once again. The kiss lead to deeper kisses which lead to other things that kept them both up for another couple hours before they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.