Outside My Window

Its 3am on a sleepless night. The kids are in bed, and my husband is snoring like a bandsaw. I fixed myself a cup of herbal tea, thinking that maybe it would help me relax enough to sleep. Insomnia is a usual event lately. I struggle often with this obnoxious, invading event. As the tea pot on the stove boils, the hissing sound brings me back from my thoughts about what will I do tomorrow. Which, by the way, was really today. I laughed quietly to myself. It seems like an every night event, but this night seemed more disturbing than the others before. My mind was racing wildly, and hopefully the tea will calm me enough to regain control of the pesky fleeting thoughts that keep me awake.

With tea in hand, I slowly ambled over to the comfy chair beside the huge window we put in just last year. This home was what we always wanted, in the country setting, but I wanted more windows put in on the lower level, so we put in a large window facing east.

As I held my tea in hand, I slowly sipped the hot flavored liquid, remembering with every sip the times I spent with my mother in her kitchen. These were good times, precious times, lost times. My mother had passed years ago, but the tea always reminded me of times with her.

As I sipped, I looked outside. it was dark outside, but the moon was half full. I thought many times as I sat in this comfy chair that the moon was my mother looking down at me, checking on me, being near me but at a distance that emotions could only dream. My mother of course was a main character in my life. She was the strongest woman i have ever known. I wondered at one time if I would ever be like her, but our worlds were so different.

The stars were at their glorious best tonight. It seemed like they were putting on a show all their own. I could see so many constellations, and that made me smile. During the day, I had a hard time sometimes finding something to smile about. But at night, the star lit sky in all its glorious beauty made me think that at that time, in the silence, all is well with the world. I opened the window just a crack, and felt the cool air of the evening. Its coolness against my bare arms sent small goose bumps. It was a good feeling. Breathing in cool , clean fresh air was one of the greatest things I do when I cannot sleep. It helps me to take a breath, relax, and enjoy the moment of stillness that I have found in this restless moment.

To my surprise on this wakeful night, in the moonlight, I see movement. Usually I don't see anything. I am usually too deep in thought. But tonight, I was overjoyed. In the yard close to the house there was animals moving around. I wanted to see better by turning on the outside light, but the moon seemed enough at this time. It was a pair of raccoons in the outside water pool playing with the fish in the water. It was funny the way the fish scooted around just under the reach of the paws of the raccoons. You could hear them chatter in disgust at the antics of the fish. They soon became tired of the game and meandered on to another house I presume. Looking again, seeing more movement, there was a pair of deer, male and female, with two little fawns hiding in the shadows of the nearby trees of the boundary line. They were walking slowly, hesitant at the slightest sound. The adults tried to keep the fawns nearby, but they wanted to play. Loud grunts were heard, and the fawns obeyed, again staying close to their parents. The buck must have heard something, or smelled something, because they all hurried off back into the wooded area to safety. I laughed a soft laugh as one of the fawns stumbled and quickly returned to its feet, with mom pushing him forward.

As the night sky changes, the moon was over the house by now, and the constellations were in rare view and sparkling stars put on a play. They twinkled on and off at first, but wait, that was no star but a jet from a nearby airport. I wondered where they were headed, to an exotic place like India or Tibet, or nearby like Mississippi or Florida. The excitement of the travelers to reach their destinations, but traveling at night they were probably sleeping, dreaming of their destination and the places they were about to discover. Or maybe reliving a time in their past at a school reunion or wedding of someone that had met their mate for life. So many events can happen, but least wanted was a death of a loved one and the funeral they were to experience. That was sad. I hope there was only happy things going on after that flight.

Its now 5am, and my husband is up. "Have you been up all night?" he said quietly as he kissed me on the forehead. " Yes, I have been up again all night" I said as I took my last sip of the cold tea in my cup. This was getting to be a normal conversation lately. If I am not in bed, he knows where to find me. The dog, which slept all night of course, was in a hurry to get outside. I let him out the back door, hoping all the nighttime activities were done. It wont be long and the kids will be up, and my day will begin again. I love my life, my husband, and my kids. Sometimes there are times where life is difficult, and sometimes life is just 'life'. In all, I would not change a thing. I am glad we put in that window in the living room. It is a place where I can sit with my tea, day or night, and let my mind just do what it does best, to just think and observe life outside of my own.