A Scare is Born

Where am I?  Why is everything so, so, weird?  I realized I was talking to myself.  What a stupid thing to do.  There was no one else around, who could I possibly be talking to anyway?  It didn’t matter, there were more important things to ponder.  First and foremost, my initial question.  Just where am I?

I looked around.  It was nearly pitch black and all I could see were odd shapes around me along the ground. Blindly I reached out.  Stone.  Odd, why am I surrounded by blocks of, oh wait, gravestones.  Ok, so I was in a graveyard.  Or was it a cemetery?  What’s the difference?¹  Why was I talking to myself again?  My eyes were beginning to adjust to the darkness around me and I realized the gravity of my situation.  Somehow, I had ended up in the cemetery at the edge of town.  The empty field stretched for acres before me, the only company I had was the dead and they weren’t saying much.

“You just gonna stand there lookin' confused?” A voice suddenly startled me and I nearly jumped out of my skin.  I whipped my head around, looking for the source.  Just a few yards away, leaning on a tree, was a man dressed as though he were just here earlier for a funeral.

“Who are you?” I asked weakly.  I had noticed something odd, I could see the tree he was leaning on through him. My eyes clearly still weren’t adjusted to the dark.

“Name’s Reginald, friends call me ‘Reg’ or ‘Reggie’ though.  How ‘bout choo”?

“I…I’m Mark.”  I struggled with my words, still startled, and still waiting for my heart to stop racing.  

“Ah, you’re the new guy.  I thought I heard a commotion earlier.  Wailing, crying, all that jazz.”

“New guy?”

“Yeah, they just brought cha in this morning.  Lovely service, too bad though, you’re young.  Gotta be, what, 30s?”

His nonchalance and demeanor were a little unnerving.  I swallowed dryly and responded, “Just hit thirty-two last month.  What do you mean lovely service?”

“Oooh, boy, you ain’t figured it out yet?”

“Figured what out?” I was gaining my composure again, “What’s going on here?”

He slowly pocketed the watch I now realized he was lazily polishing and took a deep breath.  I wasn’t about to let this random man play games with me.  I wanted answers.  Although, admittedly, I didn’t know much to begin with as to how I ended up there.

“Do me a favor,” he began, matter-of-factly, “take a look at that dere headstone you’re standing next to.”  He drew out his words, “doooo”, “faaayvah”, “daaaare”.  It was almost as if he was enjoying this pantomime.  

I slowly turned and looked.  There was a quote in an ornate script on the back of the stone.  I rubbed my eyes, begging them to focus.  Damn this darkness.  I gasped as I made out the words.

“To live in the hearts of those we love is to live forever”

This was what I told each of my children when we lost loved ones.  I repeated it over and over to them whenever they would feel sad or reminisce.  This was just a coincidence, right?  There was no way.  I circled the stone, my heart starting to race even more than when “Reggie” spoke.

Mark Slater

Loving Husband and Caring Father

Forever In Our Hearts

1986-2018

Ok.  This was an elaborate trick.  I looked around for the camera, for my wife, my kids, anyone with a familiar face.  But I heard no laughter, saw no smiles.  I looked back up at Reggie and fainted.

I came to sometime later.  I couldn’t be sure how long, but it was still dark.  This time my eyes were adjusted already.  Reggie was standing over me, fanning me with a ghostly looking hand and shaking his head.

      “Well, I’d like to say I saw that coming’ buh-choo went straight down, no warnin ah tall.”

I wasn’t quite sure what to make of everything. Was I really dead?  How could I be?  I could feel the grass under me, I could feel the wind on —or was it through? — me.  I could even hear the blood rushing through my veins.  No, I wasn’t dead.  This really had to be a trick.  I glanced sideways at Reggie as I rolled to my side and pushed myself up.  I waited to hear my family laughing from behind one of the mausoleums.  No laughing.  The only sign of amusement was the big smile across Reggie’s face.

“Well, I reckon you’re wantin’ an explanation.”  His smile widened.  He really was enjoying this, wasn’t he?  I brushed the grass clippings and leaves off of me.

“Well, I suppose the joke is on me.  Everyone can come out now and start laughing.  I got a good scare.”

“Ain’t no one comin’ outta nowhere,” he stated, “‘Cept maybe old Martha over yonder.”  He pointed past the tree-line immediately in front of us toward what looked like a particularly old part of the cemetery.  “This ain’t no joke man.  You’re, how do I put it lightly?  D. E. D. Dead.”

I felt flush again and stumbled to take a seat against the old oak tree Reggie had appeared next to.  How did this happen?  How was I here?  I never believed ghost stories, didn’t believe in the afterlife, I didn’t really believe in anything at all.  Now, here I sat, allegedly dead but not.  

“Ok.”  I started slowly, “If I am dead, then what am I doing here?  Why can I feel and hear and smell and all that stuff that comes with…well, living!”

“Look, we don’t know how to explain it still, but we know it happens.”  A new voice came from the other side of my tree.  I swung my head around.  This time I was greeted by a woman who either had a great makeup artist or was most definitely dead.  “I’m Samantha.  I heard the commotion from over the hill and came to see what it was all about.”

“Well, pleased, I think, to meet you.”  I managed to stutter.  I was beginning to believe Reggie’s story.  Samantha was pale, dressed as though she stepped straight off the set of “Little House on the Prairie”, and was nearly translucent.  “How long…” I started before she cut me off.

“Oh, about 100 years.”  She said.  “But we don’t ever really know the year until someone new comes in.  We just know that they pass.  Count the holidays.  This is about my hundredth Halloween.”

“You’ve been stuck...er…whatever it is, here for a hundred years!”  I exclaimed in disbelief.

“Call it stuck, call it wandering, call it what you want,” Reggie said, “it has its perks”

“Perks?!  What possible perks can there be to being dead?”  I couldn’t believe they had somehow turned this into some sort of joyful experience. 

“Well, I been here for about 60 years.  Every Halloween is a game for us, ya gotta make it whatcha make of it, otherwise, you’ll go crazy, and the doc they got buried here ain’t taking new patients.”

Ok.  I was losing my mind.  This was just too much to handle.  How could they even propose that being dead was a good thing?  I still had so much to do in life.  My kids were young.  Who was going to teach my son to throw a ball?  Who was going to be the embarrassing dad at the bus stop?  Who was going to walk my daughter down the aisle?  Oh, no.  This was worse than I could ever imagine.  At least if I wasn’t a ghost, I wouldn’t care, right?  I mean, I wouldn’t know any better.  But now?  Now I had to sit here in this rotten cemetery and think about everything I’d be missing! This was not a good thing in any way.

As though she could sense my sudden panic attack, Samantha placed a hand on my arm.  I felt nothing.  Another mental note, I can touch and feel and so can others, but we can’t feel the touch of each other, weird.  

“Look, child.” There was an odd tenderness in her voice, as though she had given this speech so many times it was rote to her.  “You’re right, it’s not the ideal thing to have to deal with.  That’s why we have to find a way to deal with it.  You don’t want to just lie in your grave and stare into darkness for the rest of your…sorry…for the rest of eternity.  Do you?”

She had a point.  Stare at infinite darkness for an infinite amount of time, or at least have a —what would it be called? — life?  I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths.  I had learned long ago that just breathing and blocking everything out did wonders for my heart rate.

I finally opened them and stared at my ghostly companions.  Reggie looked to have finally dropped his “it’s all good” act, and Samantha had a soft smile on her face.  

“D’ya wanna join us?”  Reggie finally broke the silence.

“Join you?  Aren’t I already, um, condemned to do that anyway?”

“Nah, that’s not what I’m talking’ bout.”  He took his pocket watch out and checked it.  “It’s ‘bout that time.  8 o’clock.”  He drew his words out again.  “Let’s get to doin’ what we do best!”  With that, he and Samantha laughed.  He had a deep timbre to his laugh, a dramatic contrast to his high, nasal voice.  Samantha laughed like a mother watching her children play, amused, and content all in one.  They grabbed my hands and we all floated across the cemetery.  It was such an unnerving feeling but there was something exhilarating about it too.  I didn’t even have to move a muscle, it was effortless.  

As we approached the gate, we slowed, and they motioned for me to duck behind the stone wall.

“Ok.  This is the fun part.”  Reggie whispered.  “Ya gotta concentrate jus’ a lil bit, think about hidin’ and you’ll…” I couldn’t believe my eyes, he started to flicker and fade into the stone behind him, “disappear!”  Samantha followed suit and began slowly fading as well.  Before I knew it, they had both vanished.  Ok.  I can do this.  This shouldn’t be too hard.  I began thinking about hiding, camouflage, being a ghost.  After all, I was, right?  

“There you go, honey!”  I could hear Samantha even if I couldn’t see her.

“So, if I am invisible, can I still…” I reached out for the wall and my hand passed through it.  The question asked and answered.  Maybe I could learn to make the best of this.  “Hah!”

“Shhh!”  They both hushed me.

“You can still make noise.  But our voices aren’t what they were in life anymore.”  Reggie was explaining to me, “It’s like we speak a different language.  An’ it seems like that’s the only thing that’s always dere.  We haven’t figured out dat one yet.  Oh!  Here come some!”

Giggling and laughing as they came down the street, a few teenagers divvied up candy while one was pushing what looked like egg cartons into a backpack.  

“That was awesome!”  Yelled one.

“Ha!  Yeah it was!  The old dude didn’t see it comin’!” A second joined in.  

“We got all the full-sized bars too!” The third finished as they all laughed and continued toward us.

Reggie fluttered into view, ever so slightly.  He had a devilish grin on his face and I could tell he loved this.  He leaned on the stone wall and cocked his pork pie hat to one side.  With one hand he drew a cigar out of his coat pocket and bit the end off.  The teenagers got closer, still unaware of their surroundings.  Reggie stuck the stogie in his mouth and rubbed his hands together.

“Ooooh, dis my faaay-vrit part!”  His voice was muffled by the huge cigar between his teeth.  

The teenagers were only about 20 feet away now, still oblivious, their chatter growing even louder.  Reggie perked up slightly and leaned farther onto the wall.  They were nearly next to him now.

“Hey friends, got a light?”  He asked in an amused voice.

“Holy sh-!”  The leader yelled.

“What the!  Who!  Whaaa!?”

“Aaaaah!” 

They all screamed at the same time.  The one with the bag of candy dropped it immediately and turned on his heels to run. The second in line screeched like a pre-teen girl and ran straight into the first.  The third avoided it all and dropped his book bag with a wet crack.  He was gone before the others could get back to their feet.  They made a weak attempt to grab their score of candy before starting off after their friend.  I could hear their screams as they made their way through the streets back to wherever they had come from.

Reggie and Samantha doubled over in laughter, sparkling tears rolling down their cheeks.  I joined in, deep belly laughs that hurt my sides.  This was going to be a great night!

“Reg…Reg…” I said through fits of laughter.  “Reggie.”  Deep breath, giggle, “That was great!”

“Oh.” He drew a breath between laughs, “that’s just the tip o’ the iceberg.  There’s so much more fun to be had.  That was just a little jump scare.”  

“I gotta ask though, you said they don’t understand us.”

“It don’t matter, but it’s more fun than saying ‘boo!’ Bahahaha!”  He started belly laughing again, Samantha joined in and I soon followed suit.  

We slowly gathered our composure again and checked the streets.  There were dozens of costume-clad kids, reluctant parents, and a smattering of teenagers walking under the streetlights.  I concentrated on hiding again and Reggie looked at me with a touch of pride.

“See, you got dis.  Next one is for you.”  He faded out of view, just his smile floating like the Cheshire Cat in the air.  I walked toward the wall and took a step into it.  I looked back and Reggie nodded his approval.  I looked at the group of kids coming toward us and faded out of sight.

Footnote:

1. In case anyone is following.  The difference between a cemetery and a graveyard is that a graveyard is on the grounds of a church whereas a cemetery is a plot of land on its own.  Things you learn in the afterlife, huh?