First by Charles Peschel

1.

She was torn between an angered ego and morals in her dreams.

She,

She was never much in aiding mortals in their what she considered miniscule affairs.

"So what's changed?"

Its been an eternity that she and humanity have been estranged; but now after so long and so much contempt she longs for some strange reason to shelter humanity with armored wings. It hurts inside to watch them as she remembered the pain of being a human being.

"Why Lilitu?

You turned your back on them so long ago, why go back for forever youve been freed of their burdens and shame,free from their feelings and emotions, what is it dear girl that you harbor so deep? What parts of them did you allow to seep back into your hardened blackened heart?"

That night she cried beneath her own midnight bare-skinned infused into the Earth.

"Oh the pain they shared! The Earth and her."

Her darkened heart and desolate soul ached for something more. She walked this Earth and swam her seas for thousands of years,feeding on the seedlings of the sailors out at sea,the lonely pitiful men in rundown drinking holes,she devoured the miserably unfaithful men whom shared the same contemptuous feelings for humans that she did. That was her curse, and alone it was hers to carry evermore. So many sons she drowned in their fathers guilt,so many demonized daughters she birthed with the same curse as hers across time upon this world.

The lifetimes of terrible memories engrained,"No! Burned like fire branded into her brain."

A thousand lifetimes each victimized only to eat their blackened souls every time in the end. What a horrid existence Lilitu grew so comfortable existing in.

Lilitu, first mother of life, all that is beautiful, all that is putrid and disgusting inside. That was her, but it hadn't always been. She was once considered perfection, she was once given paradise, she was created from clay as was her man.

It was him envious of her beauty, that dominance was born.

Intimacy was no longer pleasure but forced.

Confused and offended, no more forceful aggression would be tolerated.

There would eventually be an end, in her own consequence. What could she had possibly done so wrong? Time had passed but not much had gone, before she would be replaced by a more conforming version.

She walked and walked eternally through time in raging anger , empty hatred for all who held pleasure in their hearts, for such pleasures she would never nor could she ever experience since the time she was torn from her human parts.

2.

As we feasted that night, none had a clue the misery I kept in the back of my mind. This feast we had ,for me it was the last of its kind, before I painted darkness over my life's design.

The end for me was no longer near,

The end of time for these eyes to see 

this time was here,

All the loss, all the pain, and the internal agony I endured, the pain I had caused so many in this world. "Eat and drink let them not see it in your eyes, smile back and chuckle at their jokes,do not show any signs of the coming demise. After supper kiss your family goodbye one last time.

Then come see me at the lake of madness"

Chants the voice of death ever so deep in my mind.

A Raven came that night 

to watch from tree tops above 

as I laid down to leave this world beyond deep sleep, beyond lucid dream,beyond you and me, that Raven stayed to watch me leave, not speaking of a future meet, just gently watching in the night, silently watching me.

(How could I not feel those piercing eyes??)

As I drifted from this plane, drifted off into the deep. Drifted off into a place where most are there for keeps. No thoughts or intentions of returning back to here, this place, this realm, this cage of discomfort where I never fit anywhere, so in the eyes of everyone it seemed, a strangeness seeps, I don't really like how the daily existence feels, and now I no longer care, perhaps this entry into nowhere will diminish these feelings and heal an already pain ridden dying spirit who no longer wishes to fight for his place in this broken society. Goodnight, I hear a distant scream, as streams of thin eel like darkened clouds drift through the moons shinning gaze as if they both existed within the same realm of skies. A final thought as I closed my eyes, and with this world and life, I have finally cut ties with the agonising pain in my mind, the critical voice within always putting me down, telling me I'm never going to be good enough is finally dying, for he has won this time.