I watch my feet as I walk, pushing my hands into my pockets and letting the breeze mess my hair. The moon sits above me as kids in costumes run past me... through me. They knock on doors and yell "Trick or Trick!" The smiles on their faces force a frown on mine. That use to be me. Last year that was me.
I was only ten years old and collecting candy from strangers, the one thing my parents always told me not to do, but there was this one night a year were they encouraged it. I laugh at that thought. My smile soon fades, knowing I'll never be able to do that again, I can only watch from now on.
I wonder what my parents are doing tonight, I wonder if they're handing out candy or watching scary movies, like we use to do when I was done trick or treating. We'd feast on my candy and my Dad always stole my KitKats and my mom always secretly stole my coffee crisp, thinking I didn't know, even though I always saw her doing it. They were disgusting so I always let her take them, but oh what I'd do for one of those now.
I sigh as I kick the leaves that sit on the sidewalk below me. The dried up old leaves not even making a sound as I step on them, but the ones I kick only look like they're being blown by the wind.
A group of kids run towards me and my head shoots up to look at them as their laughs approach me. They skip holding hands as a candy bags sit i9 n their other. They skip right through me, right through me. I turn as to watch them skip away. That use to be and my bestfriend, I wonder if she has a new bestfriend to collect candy with, to skip down the sidewalk and trade candy with.
I wonder if she's moved on.
I turn back around and continue down the sidewalk I use to walk, this was the good neighborhood, the one with all the big chocolate bars. I pull my pale hands from my pockets and interlock my fingers, I wish I could remember what this feels like, now it feels like nothing, I feel nothing.
I want to cry, I want to let the tears from inside me roll out, but I can't, I can't do anything but walk and think, think about who I am... who I was.
I was a young girl who was just starting their life. I was a smart girl who was acing sixth grade. I had best friends and two loving parents, I may have been an only child, but I always had someone to play with, real or not. Now I'm that imaginary friend, I not really here anymore, but I'm here.
The cold night surrounds me as I walk to a place I'd never thought I'd be again, home. Kids walk up to the door but no one ever answers. The house is dark and I walk up the steps, the sensor lights not bothering to turn on. I walk through the door without even opening it.
I'm met with sounds of loud sobs as I walk through the familiar, yet unfamiliar home. I walk to the living room were I'm met with my mother on her knees, crying into her hands on the floor, my father trying to comfort her. The TV playing the Halloween from last year, the Halloween.
"Mom! Mom! Look!" I yell, only it's not me yelling, it's the little girl in the big hoodie her father gave her because she got cold in just her witch costume. She's pointing to a house decorated with ghosts. "Can we go to that house next!" She yells excitedly, making me smile a sad smile at the memory of the last house I ever went to.
"Sure honey." My mom says.
"Come on Lucy!" She says as he grabs my best friends hand and they run up to the house. They knock on the door and an older woman answers.
"Trick or treat!" The two little girls yell as they hold out their bags, two chocolate bars being thrown in each. "Thank you!" They say in unison as they run off, back to their parents.
Dad! Dad! I got you a KitKat!" She yells as she holds the chocolate bar up to her father who stands behind the camera. The tape of that day is the one playing on the TV.
I look back to my sobbing parents and the next thing I know a scream comes from the TV, I watch as the camera falls and lands to ground, facing the small fragile body of the girl who was just hit by the car. Blood pools from her head as her eyes rest open, I lift my hand to wipe the blood that drips down my forehead. The camera cuts out and the TV turns to black and white fuzz.
Now here I am. I stare down at the over sized hoodie and tights that stick out of them and travel into the boots with a weird swirled end. I look back to my Dad who turns off the TV. My mom never stops crying as she never bothers to wipe her tears.
"She's gone. She's really gone." My mother sobs into her hands as my father rubs her back.
"I'm right here." I whisper but my words are never heard.
I walk to the scene before me and crouch down in front of them. "I'm right here." I say louder as I try to put a hand on my moms shoulder, but my hands slides right through. "I'm right here!" I yell louder as this time I let out a sob as my eyes gloss over.
"She's gone." My mom whispers.
"No I'm not mom, I'm right here, you just can't see me." I say as a tear rolls down my cheek.
"She's gone." My dad repeats my mothers words as he pulls her into his arms.
"My babys gone." She cries and throws her arms around my father.
"I'm not!" I cry as I try to throw my arms around them, but only falling to the floor, the dirt floor. "I'm gone." I whisper as I look up towards the grave stone that sits in front of me.
In loving memory of Ana
May she forever be with us
July 12 2009 - October 30 2020
"I'm gone." I whisper, "I'm dead. I'm a ghost." Killed on Halloween. To forever haunted Halloween. I will forever remember my first Halloween as a human and my last and my first as a ghost, where my last will never come.