The Last of the Dandelion Wine

Gail chewed on her pencil, shifted in her seat, and then quickly wrote down her first resolution.

#1: I will stop smoking.

She looked at the words, laughed out loud, and crossed them out. New words appeared.

#1: I will stop smoking.

I will smoke less, but I will smoke thoughtfully. I will enjoy the deep inhalation of smoke. I will savor the feeling of calmness that descends over me, and I will appreciate each puff of the magic poison as it leaves my lungs.

Alissa sat at the same table as Gail, writing her own list. She didn’t chew her pencil for the very good reason that she didn’t use a pencil. She used a fountain pen.

NYR 01 – I will be a better wife to Gail.

The couple traded papers.

“Really? A better wife?”

“Well, yeah,” Alissa said.

“I mean,” she continued, “I bitch at you too much for working in your studio. And I have impure thoughts about Portia de Rossi.”

“I get the Portia thing. She’s hot.”

“But I know I’m too mean about the sculpting thing. It’s your livelihood and all, but I sometimes want to just cuddle and watch a scary movie with you, you know? That’s selfish.”

“Yeah, it is. But it’s ok. We’ll work on it, sweetie.”

“I knew you wouldn’t quit smoking. Ha!”

“Shut up.”

“You shut up!”

Both girls giggled and traded their resolution papers back.

****************************

#2: I will be less sad about Cyrus. I will celebrate his life and his character instead of crying at random times. I will remember the wisdom that he imparted to me before he departed.

NYR 02 – make Gail tell me more about Cyrus.

The girls exchanged papers and both burst out laughing. Gail poured more wine into each of their glasses. The bottle was almost empty. Gail stared at the bottle, lost in sad remembrances of things past.

“The last of the dandelion wine, babe.”

Alissa took a healthy swallow of the amber liquid and grimaced ever so slightly. It was bitter and sweet and very appealing to the palate.

“We’ll get more. I love this shit,” Alissa said.

“It’s the last bottle that Cyrus and I made together.”

Alissa nodded and fell silent. Gail had a thing for this old man that she couldn’t quite fathom. He was her sculpting mentor, yes, but he seemed to be much more than that to Gail. She revered him without worshipping him, and this attitude intrigued her.

“Ok. So, tell me a little something about Cyrus. You’re as secretive about that as the Vatican is about the treasures they have hidden in the catacombs.”

“You’re such a conspiracy nut, Liss.”

“The Catholic church scares me.”

“Everything scares you.”

“Truth. Now spill.”

Gail leaned back in her chair, swirling her wine around in her glass and sipping just a little of it. She wanted to make it last.

“Cyrus found me, almost dead from the cold, on his front lawn. He took me in and gave me a life off of the streets.”

“Yeah. Teenage prostitute. You told me that part.”

“And you’ve never held my past against me, babe. I love you for that.”

“Sure, sure. Tell me more.”

Gail laughed at Alissa’s awkwardness when it came to love and intimacy. She was as warmhearted and tender as any person could be, but she didn’t like to voice these types of feelings.

“Well, he was a lot like you in that respect. He never held my past against me, and he never berated me about my sassy mouth or my penchant for cigarettes, or sneaking a few drinks from his whiskey when he went to bed. I was a mess but he treated me like I had value.”

Alissa gazed at Gail, entranced. This was the most she had ever revealed about the mysterious Cyrus. It certainly explained a lot.

“Did you ever tell him that you were a lesbian?”

Gail smiled softly and shook her head.

“Only after he was dead, but I really didn’t see it as an issue. I never dated until he died; I just wasn’t interested in a relationship at the time. He wouldn’t have cared, though.”

“Tell me more,” Alissa implored.

Gail held up her right forefinger and wagged it.

“One more thing, Liss, and then we move on.”

“K.”

Gail thought about what to say. It wasn’t easy because Cyrus had died recently, and the sting of his passing still hurt way too much to speak easily about the man.

“He never got over the death of his wife. You could see the sadness in his eyes, always. Even when he was happy, he carried that sadness. One night, we were working late in the studio. He suddenly stops to wipe tears from his eyes, so I ask him what’s wrong. He gives me this lost look and said that you always pay a terrible price for love. Then he goes back to work.”

“Shit!”

“Yeah. Shit.”

“I’m sorry, Gail.”

“It’s fine, Liss. Gimme my paper back.”

****************************

#3:               Write a roman á clef. For the literary Philistines, this means a true story in the guise of fiction. I figure I have had enough of a life to write something worthy of reading.

NYR 03 – create new recipes.

“All of your resolutions are short, Liss. I applaud your paucity of words.”

“You know I don’t know what that means. And I’m the literary Philistine, right?”

Gail laughed and kissed Alissa on the cheek.

“Yes, you are.”

“Maybe I should read more.”

“You should be you, the woman I fell in love with. If you started reading, I wouldn’t know what to do with you.”

“I only read recipes.”

“And I read too many novels written by melancholy Europeans. I think your reading material is superior to mine.”

Both girls sipped their wine, savoring the contrasting sensations of bitter and sweet.

“So. Recipes?”

“Yeah. I haven’t changed our menu for over a year, and I need to stay up to speed with current tastes. I’ve gotten complacent.”

“Maybe. Don’t discount traditional flavors, babe. You make a mean mushroom-and-onion galette. Not to mention a sweet little omelet with artichoke hearts and sweet peppers.”

“You’re a glutton, sweetie.”

“That I am. But I live with the owner of a vegan restaurant, so I’m allowed.”

“I hate you for staying so thin.”

“I admire your Rubenesque figure.”

“That means fat, right?”

“It means I love your softness. Honestly, I don’t know how you put up with me. I’m all angles and bone. It must be like sleeping with a folding chair.”

“You kick me sometimes, in your sleep. If I rub your stomach, you don’t kick me anymore.”

“I wonder why I do that.”

“Fighting your way out of the womb?”

“Sure, Liss. Attach a weird meaning to it.”

“No. I read that somewhere. Honestly!”

“I thought you only read recipes.”

“And women’s magazines.”

“Philistine.”

“Stuck up bitch.”

“So,” Alissa continued, “why write your memoirs? You’re only twenty-five. Don’t you think you should wait until you’re a little older?”

“Hey, I have a lot of life under my belt. I have a lot to say.”

“Always.”

“Shut up.”

“You shut up.”

****************************

#4:               Make more dandelion wine – with Alissa. It will be a sign to her that I love her, and a homage to Cyrus. Alissa and I will get drunk every New Year’s Eve on dandelion wine and keep on writing our resolutions to share with each other.

NYR 04 – Lose weight

“Well, that’s ridiculous,” Gail commented.

“Not even.”

“’tis. No one trusts a skinny cook, babe.”

“I feel like I let myself go these past few years, sweetie. I eat too much at the restaurant. I eat too much here. And I drink too much wine.”

“Sacrilegious statements, every one.”

“Really, Gail. I don’t like all this pudge hanging off of me. It’s unattractive.”

Gail sighed and shook her head, unconvinced of Alissa’s motives.

“Ima tell you a story. It involves Cyrus, so you’ll like it, being such a nosy bitch about him and all.”

“True, true. Continue.”

“Well, he was an old man. In his seventies when we first met. Anyway, he had hair growing out of his ears and out of his nose. Disgusting, right? But no.”

“But yes! That’s some gross shit, sweetie.”

“You would think. But the man was beautiful, Liss. Just beautiful, wild nose hair and ear hair and all. And I know I’m crying a little right now but I can’t help it. I’ll work on that.”

Alissa rubbed Gail’s shoulders and kissed the top of her head. The girl is a mystery, but such a beautiful one. She has a heart and she really has no reason to have one after all she’s been through.

“I’d trim him up from time to time to make him presentable to the world, but it just didn’t matter to me, personally. Beauty is what you see, babe, not what the world tells you to see.”

“Is that how you sculpt?”

Gail wiped her tears away, blew her nose, and drank some more wine. Almost gone. Three healthy swallows or six wimpy sips.

“Cyrus taught me to let the marble reveal itself.”

“I’m that way with food. I look at what we have to work with and it just speaks to me. Weird.”

“Not weird. Magic.”

“And the wine? Will it be magic if we make it together, or do you just want to get drunk more often?” Alissa grinned wickedly.

“When I was plying my sinful trade back in the day, all I ate was fast food. Never tasted good. Everyone else liked it, but it was just bland to me. But Cyrus and I kind of taught each other to cook, and it all tasted fabulous. I fell in love with you because your food is fabulous as well, Liss.”

“That’s why you fell in love with me? Really?”

“Among other reasons, but yes. And you fell in love with me because of my sculptures. Don’t deny it. We each saw beauty in each other, through our respective arts. So, yeah. Making wine together. Dandelion wine, babe. Just dandelion wine.”

“Yeah, ok. I’m up for it.”

“And if you want to lose weight, do it for yourself, not for me. Agreed?”

Alissa nodded and held Gail’s hands for a moment. Both girls enjoyed the silence and the closeness as they thought their own thoughts about their life together.

The girls handed each other their resolution paper back. Alissa frowned.

“You crumpled my paper.”

“Didn’t mean to. You leaked some of your ink on my paper.”

“Didn’t mean to.”

“Shut up and write.”

“You shut up and write.”

****************************

#5:               Have more meaningful sex with Alissa. I want to show her my love for her when we are in bed doing our adult activities. She deserves more from me in that department.

NYR 05 – Be emotionally available to myself.

Both girls looked at each other, a little puzzled and a lot intrigued.

“What the hell does that mean, babe? Emotionally available to – yourself?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Sounds angst-ridden and a little dramatic.”

“Says you! You’re always emoting.”

“Explain, sweet little chef. I’d be interested to hear about my emoting.”

Alissa shifted in her seat and took a sip of her wine.

“I keep too many things bottled up. You don’t. You let it all out and then you seem…better. Like you had just gotten rid of some inner demon. I need some of that.”

Gail nodded, a little contrite from what she had been thinking.

“I thought you were about to call me a drama queen.”

“You are dramatic, for about ten seconds. Then it just leaves you.”

“Sometimes. And sometimes I go into the studio and beat the hell out of a piece of marble.”

Gail looked at Alissa, and idea brightening her already bright face.

“Maybe…maybe I could get you your own piece of marble. Yeah! You could just smack the shit out of it when you need to.”

Alissa stared at Gail for a moment before answering. She responded by nodding her head and crying softly.

“Hey babe. None of that now. I don’t have a spare rock for you to beat on yet,” Gail said. She stroked Alissa’s arms and kissed her wet cheeks.

“Ok, I’m fine now. But I need to be more like you. Let it all out. Cleanse myself. Be available to my feelings instead of bottling them up.”

“Do I cause some of this?”

“Yeah. But it’s ok. You do what you do and I accept it. Mostly it’s just me not knowing how to deal with myself. You’re so together that I feel a little inadequate.”

Gail laughed loudly and a little harshly.

“I’m not all that together, Liss. I was a hot mess after Cyrus died, but you kind of glued me together and made me what I was with him. I still have my problems and doubts. I worry that you may fall out of love with me some fine day. I worry that suddenly my sculptures won’t sell. I worry that I’ll lose what Cyrus gave me. Most of all, I worry that I can’t love as well as you deserve.”

“I never knew any of this, Gail. Look, sweetie, I had a lot of girlfriends before, but none of them have given me this deep and solid feeling of love like you have. I think you’re worrying about the wrong things.”

“And I think the same about you.”

“So.”

“So.”

Both girls took sips of wine. The amber liquid was fast disappearing, along with the old year.

“Meaningful sex.”

“Yes.”

“Well, let’s get it over with. You know how I hate to talk about that stuff.”

“Precisely! And that’s why I included it in this list. I don’t want you to talk about it. I’ll do all the talking and you can just shake your head, or nod, or flip me off. Whatever. But I need to say this.”

“K.”

Alissa shifted uncomfortably in her chair. She didn’t like to talk about sex, even with Gail.

“Ok. So here’s the thing, babe. We’re in bed, doing our wild thang, and then we go to sleep. We have sex. Good sex. Wonderful, fulfilling sex.”

Alissa nodded and looked away for a moment. She couldn’t look her partner in the eye after such a statement.

“But.”

Gail paused and took another sip of wine. One sip remaining.

“But, I need to be different with you. I want to stop just having sex and start making love to you.”

“Uh…”

Gail wagged a finger at Alissa.

“No talking. Just listening.”

Alissa nodded, smiling at Gail’s nervousness and anxiety. It was cute.

“I need to be a thoughtful lover. Maybe hold your hand afterwards instead of jumping up to raid the fridge. Maybe kiss you and hold you a little. You deserve it.”

Alissa nodded at this. It wasn’t at all what she expected.

“But if we make love now, we will make love when we’re old, with our fat, hairy bodies. I guess…I guess I want to be with you always, even if I do raid the fridge.”

“I’m gonna cry.”

“Well, don’t. It’ll make you hairy.”

Alissa stopped sniffling and burst out laughing. She glanced at the clock and noted the time.

“Ten minutes until midnight. What shall we do to ring in the new year?”

Gail stood up with her glass and indicated that Alissa should do the same.

“We will drink the last of the dandelion wine. Then I’m gonna put on an Al Stewart song. The Year of the Cat. I want to hold you close and slow dance with you until midnight as this song plays. I will kiss you deeply at the stroke of midnight. And then…”

Gail sauntered over to Alissa and whispered in her ear.

“And then I’m gonna take you upstairs and make love to you.”

Alissa whispered back.

“Start the damn song.”