The Bishop, the Husband, and the Wife

James didn't think to pause after rapping on the bishop's office door and flinging it open until he saw what he was walking into. The bishop, naked from the waist down, was standing behind Janet, a fellow churchgoer, who was also naked from the waist down and clearly in the throws of ecstasy.

“Oh God,” cried James, feeling a momentary flash of guilt at the curse he'd used in such a holy place. He stood there, as they quickly threw their clothes back on, using every curse word in the book.

James finally shut the door, turning back towards the hall, heart pounding in his chest. He glanced around, wondering who else had maybe seen or heard, but no one was there. The carpet was an old maroon, and the dark wood walls were adorned with scenes of Jesus, his eyes settled on one where it appeared that Jesus was looking straight back at him. Judging. Seeing all.

The door opened, bumping him out of the way as Janet fled, not giving him a second glance.

“James,” barked the Bishop. “Come in here.”

James swallowed, his throat feeling dry as he shakily opened the door wider to step inside. He purposefully left it open as he stood in the doorway.

“James, as you know I'm a single man,” said the Bishop, still winded from his dressing so quickly. He'd come around the big oak desk and was leaning against it, the two chairs facing the desk stood empty. Behind the Bishop was a large painting of Jesus, his arms held out in supplication, not unlike the Bishop's own.

“Yes,” said James, unsure of where this was going.

“I have not committed adultery here, my only sin is performing such an act in a holy place as this,” said the Bishop.

“Okay,” said James lamely, not knowing where this was going.

“Please, I ask you not to tell anyone about this. Being a Bishop is the most important thing to me. I would give anything to go back in time and not do this again.”

“Are you with Janet then?” asked James. For some reason, this mattered to him. He supposed it was a moral thing, if it were just friends with benefits, as they say, he would have a harder time not turning in his Bishop. But if they were serious and planned to make their relationship known, then he would gladly let it slide. He had never had a problem with this Bishop and wanted this problem to just disappear.

“Yes, very much so. We are in love, we were just waiting to tell everyone until the time was right. Please, just please don't tell anyone you walked in on us. This would ruin me.”

James was already nodding. “Alright, I won't, don't worry.”

“No one can know about this.”

He nodded fervently. “Of course, I won't tell anyone, I swear.”

“Sit down James and Susan,” said the Bishop as they entered his office the following Sunday.

“What's going on?” asked James. The familiar picture of Jesus with his hands out looked as if he were also asking them to have a seat. Standing behind the bishop's desk and to his right was the first counselor, Henry.

“Have a seat James,” said Henry.

“I'm afraid we have some bad news,” said the Bishop, sitting behind his desk in his squeaky office chair as James and his wife sat in the plush, maroon chairs. They were old, framed with wood that matched the desk, and the cushions blended in so well with the carpet that James wondered if they were made of the same material.

“What is it?” asked James, finding it surreal to be here once more so soon after what had happened last time. He'd only stepped foot in this office three times in his entire life, and the last time didn't go so well.

“I'm afraid we learned something about your past that makes it difficult for you to be a member here,” said the Bishop.

James blinked. “Excuse me?”

“It has been brought to our attention that when you were seventeen you paid for an abortion, your girlfriend at the time, I believe her name was Megan,” said the Bishop.

“That was a long time ago,” said James, wondering how they had even learned of it. They had to have been doing some digging, but why? It dawned on him then. It was the Bishop, his fail-safe to ensure James could never tell anyone about what happened. Now if he tried, it would look as though he were making it up to avoid being excommunicated.

“Yes but we have a very strong stance on abortion, you know this,” said the bishop.

“I was seventeen!” cried James.

“He wasn't ready to be a father and his girlfriend at the time wasn't ready to be a mother,” explained Susan.

“Yes well, in light of this, I'm afraid we are going to have to excommunicate you from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.”

“You're only doing this because you fucked Janet!” cried James.

“James!” said Henry in a warning tone. “That is a bold accusation. I know you're angry but it's no reason to slander-”

“It's true! I walked in on them last Sunday.”

“This is outrageous,” protested the Bishop.

“Let's everyone calm down,” said Susan, patting her husband's hand and giving him a hard look. “My husband did tell me that you had asked him to your office and that he had brought Janet with him,” she said.

“What?” asked James and the Bishop in unison.

“I did not ask him to my office,” scoffed the Bishop. “In fact, I don't know why he came here, he never said.”

Henry raised his eyebrows at this, looking at the side of the Bishop's head, but the Bishop didn't notice.

“So Janet was with my husband but you didn't call him into your office?”

“No Janet wasn't with him,” said the Bishop. “You're getting it all wrong. He was alone, as was I.”

“Let me start over. So Janet was sitting here, my husband walked into your office without so much as knocking, and you were sitting at your desk,” she said.

“Yes,” said the Bishop. “That sounds about right.”

“And he came in and they had sex in this chair,” she continued, pointing both fingers down at the chair she was sitting in. “And you sat there and watched?”

“What?” roared the Bishop, his face turning red. “No! Where are you even getting this?”

“You asked them to your office to have sex then?” she clarified.

“No, you idiot! You have it completely wrong! I was having sex with Janet and your husband walked in on us. We were standing there,” he gesticulated with one hand towards the side of the desk, “and I have no idea why your stupid husband barged in here!”

Susan looked at Henry who stared between them, his eyes wide. “Bishop,” he began.

“God dammit,” cried the Bishop, slamming his hand on his desk.

“I'm sorry but I don't think you're fit to-” began Henry.

“Shut up Henry!” cried the Bishop, and stormed out.

“So, we're still members of the church then?” asked James.

Henry pursed his lips and nodded. “I have a lot of paperwork to do.”