Hollywood Undead

It was a calm, dark night, calm before the storm as they say, which was reported for that evening, which also happened to be Halloween. The clouds hung thick in the air of the Hollywood cemetery as Colin, Stefi and Jimmy walked through, passing beautiful mausoleums and weeping angels. Colin took a deep breath.  

“I love the smell of stormy night.”  

“I love that white hue of the moon peeking through even though its half hid by these clouds.” Stefi admired the reflection in the pool of water nearby.  

“It is nice and the vibes definitely fitting.” Jimmy joined in observation.  

“So what or like who exactly are we even looking for here?” Stefi asked while she bent down to fix the strap of her black pump.  

“You’ll see we’re almost there.” Colin looked around and then back at his phone.  

“Right, whatever my puppies are barking right now so can we find whoever soon? I’m wearing heels you know!”  

“That’s on you doll.” She stuck her tongue out at him.  

“But really, what are we doing? Like, do you got a Ouija board or something?” Jimmy asked.  

“Mm, not exactly…” They followed Colin around the corner of another grandiose mausoleum before he abruptly stopped.  

“Here she is! My love.” He took the hand of the weeping angel adorning her tombstone and kissed it. Jimmy and Stefi looked at each other cautiously then at the tombstone.  

“‘Siobhan Taylor?’ Who’s that?” Stefi read the intricate script lettering adorning the tombstone.  

“Shes an old star from the 60s, right? Did some noir thrillers and shit? Like Phoenix of the Night?”  

“Yes, see he has good taste.”  

“Sure, ok, yea, so why we stoppin’ here?”  

“Alright then, let's get situated.” He seemed to mutter to himself as he reached into his black drawstring bag pulling out candles, a vial, an amulet, and bags of herbs, setting them down next to her tombstone.  

“What is this?” Jimmy asked while Colin continued rummaging through his bag.  

“Yea, is this like straight Satanism or something?” Colin chuckled, shaking his head.  

“No, well not really, I don’t think. I just wanted to try something a little different, something we talked about the other day while we were watching Night of the Living Dead.”  

“What?! You mean like bringing a bitch back ‘cause that’s like, just, unnatural man!” Stefi stepped back shaking her head frantically.  

“That…is that even possible?” Colin laughed a little too casually.  

“You're asking if I can raise ghouls from the dead in a world of oddities like us?” He snapped his fingers producing a ball of flame, illuminating his sinister smile. He kind of had them there.  

“Yea, but it's not natural, like Stefi said?!” Jimmy and Stefis teeth were basically chattering uncontrollably at this point while Colin continued smiling and laughing.  

“Is anything about this world natural anymore? Come on now, help me out here!” They grabbed a candle each, setting them up in a triangular positioning as Colin instructed them. He laid a page torn out of a vintage Vogue in the middle, and then sprinkled herbs and liquid from the vial in a circle around the tombstone.  

“Yo like what do we even do though?” Stefi ran her fingers through her hair.  

“Just watch and wait now.” Jimmy and Stefi stepped back behind Colin who stood in front of the weeping angel tombstone.  

“I call upon the Hecate, the Goddess of Death, to help me raise the glorious spirit of Siobhan Taylor!” Light rain started to fall as he recited the incantation. “Spirit of Siobhan Taylor, you may now approach the gate and answer to my calling!” He continued in some foreign language the other two didn’t understand. He threw his hand towards the tombstone which ignited the circle in flame before the earth crumbled and rose in clumps before the granite gravestone, and then a hand, glimmering slightly on the nails but otherwise pale and decrepit, emerged from the soil. Jimmy and Stefi shared ‘O’ expressions as another ghostly pale hand followed. Then a platinum blonde head, pulling forth from the grave. A flash of lightning shone Colins maniacal looking face, while she pulled herself up clumsily from her place of slumber. They all stared in awe at the ghoulish figure before them.  

“Just what the…” 

“She lives!” Colin cried, springing towards her, taking her hand and admiring her, adorned in a black cocktail dress, gloves and a white fur shawl atop her shoulders, her blonde bouffant still intact, glamorous in death as if she’d come straight from a movie premier.  

“So, what are we doing with this exactly?” Stefi asked while she and Jimmy still stood back awkwardly huddled together under her black umbrella.  

“Oh yea, remember how Brittany Rivera still owes us for the last ounce she got and said, ‘put in on her tab, she’ll get me next week’ and so that week has come and gone and yet here I am, my pockets still empty?”  

“Yea?”  

“Well let’s say with a little help from our friend here we can accomplish that in morbidly hilarious fashion.”  

“You know, we could’ve helped you with that, you could've dealt with that in a more subtle matter.” Jimmy shook his head.  

“For real though…”  

“BrrraaaAAAH!” Their ghoulish friend proclaimed in a rather horrible fashion. Jimmy and Stefi grimaced.  

“Yea, well Brittany’s a bitch and I wanted to do something fun in the spirit of Halloween ok? Remember when she used to steal my peanut butter fluff sandwiches just to take one bite then throw them back at my face?!” Stefi nodded.  

“Yea, true. And she did hit on my ex while I was still with him, that hoe.”  

“I guess, still a little overkill though...” 

“RAAAA!” Jimmy and Stefi jumped.  

“Right! Well let's get to it then the night is young, and dark...”  

“And full of terrors.” Jimmy shook, looking at their new companion drooling bile down her dusty dress while Colin led them out of the cemetery, a last strike of lightening flashing in the distance.  

Colin drove them in the red Mustang 65 he ‘borrowed’ for the night for the excursion, down Vine to where Brittany resided. He pulled in front of an olive-green gablefront house.  

“Alright friends this is it. Your time to shine m’lady.” He opened the back door for her, and she clumsily stumbled out.  

“Mrammmm...”  

“Hush honey, we’re not at the door yet. Stefi, straighten her up a little.” They fiddled with her shawl and hair before approaching the door. They pulled on their creepy harlequin masks and rang the doorbell. Brittany answered in a cat costume, if you wanted to call it that, more like drawn on whiskers and cat ears paired with a black slip.  

“It’s kinda late ki…”  

“Trick or Treat!” Colin led them in sing songy unison.  

“The fuck? Colin is that you?” Brittany asked before being shoved aside as the fearsome foursome barged their way inside, Colin dragging Siobhan in tow.  

“Hey, I didn’t say you could come in!”  

“Yea well we extended the invite for ourselves. I brought a new friend along; I wanted you to meet her…” Siobhan was apparently admiring the Ikea art deco aesthetic they had going on in the foyer. He slowly turned her around to show her face to Brittany.  

“Woah, that’s some hella creepy cosplay…she looks familiar…” 

“Yea she’s supposed to be one of those neo noir film star zombies.” Colin showed her off, spinning her round like a clumsy ballerina.  

“She’s got the smell down pat too, or is that your stench?” Brittany side-eyed him. Colin laughed.  

“She’s a method actor.” Siobhan was looking at a brightly colored vase holding rustic-colored fake flowers, drooling and mumbling incoherently.   

“Yea ok cool, now you think you all can show yourselves out before you stink up the place with your creeper vibes?”  

“Actually, we came for my overdue payment for that ounce you acquired a couple weeks back?”  

“And I told you I’d get it as soon as my monthly allowance came through, as you can see my parents aren’t here right now, so I'll give it to you next week!” 

“Yea, see it's already been like a week and I kinda need to pay some bills, renew my xCube account...”  

“You know we can settle for some rocks or somethin’.” Stefi snooped around the foyer and lounge while Jimmy and Siobhan preoccupied themselves with the bar console.  

“Don't touch that! Look I'm being straight with you, I don’t have shit right now! And my parents will be back tomorrow, I'll have it tomorrow, ok, shit!”  

“Mmm, that’s not good enough.” Colin knocked the colorful vase down, shattering it.  

“Colin! What the fuck?!” Brittany threw up her hands. Siobhan turned and growled.  

“My friend here’s getting hungry Brittany, you better get my money…” 

“Fuck you, Colin! Get out of my house before I call the cops!” He swat at the hand that reached for her phone.  

“That’s not a great idea with my ‘undead’ friend here.” Colin snapped at Siobhan's face and pulled Brittany’s hair toward her. Siobhan grunted and looked at Brittany and then sank her teeth into her hair. Brittany let out a shrill scream while her arms flailed in desperation.   

“Ok, ok! I think I have something.” Colin yanked Siobhan off and shoved her, falling into Jimmy’s arms.  

“Restrain her Jimmy, while Brittany shows me something.” Brittany stumbled to her feet and Colin followed her around the corner up the stairs.  

She led him into her bedroom where she went to the vanity dresser and picked up a small cedar box, opening it with a tiny key she had in the drawer underneath. She took out a Tiffany sterling silver necklace with a crown charm, tiny little amethyst stones encrusted around the edges.  

“They were customized with my birthstones; I don’t know if it’s the fanciest thing ever but it’s at least worth my stash.” She handed him the necklace reluctantly. He looked it over, admiring the shining little charm.  

“You should see me with a crown huh? Nice, nice.” He rubbed his fingers over the little stones. He went down to show his friends his little boon.  

“Ooh, can I keep it?” Stefi modeled it by her neck.  

“No, no...” He took it back and put it into his pocket. “I think we’ve had enough fun here for the night, right Siobhan?” She grunted.  

“And any more funny business with you Britt, and my cannibalistic friend here well make another visit to this lovely abode.”  

“Jesus whatever, just leave please!” Colin laughed as he summoned his friends back out towards the Mustang.  

“That was the best Halloween prank of my life.” Colin and Stefi laughed and clapped merrily  

“That was pretty dope, the look on her face, though, ha!”  

“Yea, cool, kinda creepy still but sure, yea.” Jimmy grimaced, leaning away from their glamorously stumbling friend. 

“And it's all thanks to you my sweet.” Colin embraced her to which she grunted something that sounded like ‘brains’ and lunged toward him hungrily before he pushed back.   

“So, what do we do with her now?” Jimmy kept her at a distance while she encroached on him hungrily.   

“Well, it’s still Halloween night and the rain seems to have let up a bit, let's take a little spin around town, shall we?” He looked at them, then at her, and they shrugged and grunted respectively.  

The four of them made their way down to Hollywood Boulevard, passing other various and elaborately costumed monsters making their friend blend in with the crowd pretty well. Passers by gave them compliments on the whole ensemble, and Colin could only soak it all up accordingly.  

Siobhan paused at the window of an Applebee's, looking in hungrily. She was muttering something again, and then they noticed.  

“The drink! It’s got little brains in it!” Stefi pointed to the greenish hued drink with little gummy brains floating on the top.  

“Of course! I think it’s only fair we treat her after her performance.” Colin led them inside the restaurant, and they took a nearby booth. He ordered them a round of the zombie brain drinks, to which they all enjoyed hastily, especially Siobhan who downed hers sloppily.  

“Can she even process that?” Jimmy watched her in morbid fascination.  

“Well, it hasn’t seeped through her rotting skin that I see, so there’s that…” Colin looked down and around for leakage.  

“Omigawd that costume is so legit! Can I get a picture for the Insta?” A woman dressed in a sexy zombie candy striper outfit approached their table excitedly looking at Siobhan.  

“Sure!” Colin posed Siobhan with this fellow zombie while she positioned her phone with her selfie stick. Jimmy shook his head.  

“Say ch…aaAGGHH!” Siobhan grabbed onto the fake zombies intentionally tousled hair pulling her head toward her teeth.  

“Get her off, get her off!” Jimmy quickly tried prying Siobhan away from the frightened lady but not before causing an unwanted stir.  

“Yea, maybe we should head out now yea?” Jimmy said stabilizing the drooling Siobhan.  

“Not a bad idea.” Colin put down the tab and they made haste towards the nearby exit.   

They rejoined the drizzly, bustling streets of Hollywood once more with Siobhan in tow. They stopped to see her paused, looking up at the neon lights of the theater, a bright marquee displaying the movie of the night Butcher of the Stars.   

“Well, what do you know? They would of course play your classic thriller Butcher of the Stars?” Jimmy smiled and nodded.  

“Maybe she remembers.”  

“Sure seems like it doesn’t it? Guess I don’t see the harm in checking out the next showing what say you three?”  

“Whatever, just get me some popcorn yea?” They got their tickets at the box office in front and made their way into the old theater, taking their seats after getting Stefis popcorn bucket.  

Siobhan stared up at the silvery screen, seemingly enthralled in the black and white scenes of days past. Jimmy smiled watching her eyes seemingly flicker at the feminine screams of pleasure and horror, dancing in old pool halls and fleeing monsters. He looked back at the screen, taking it all in. The four of them looked up immersed, observing glamorous actors and actresses execute their craft exquisitely.  

Jimmy glanced back over in her direction, but noticed her seat was empty.  

“Uh-oh you guys, I think we lost our friend.” The other two looked over and their eyes widened.  

“Shit, we need to find her. Come on!” Colin, Jimmy and Stefi hurried down and out the aisles and made their way back out onto the drizzly street to find their starlet.  

They came across her shortly after they heard a gaggle of screaming teens amidst a well-dressed ghoulish figure.  

“Siobhan! No biting randos!” Colin pushed his way through the crowd where he found Siobhan grasping and pulling at another scared teenager.  

“Braaaaannnsss!”  

“Jimmy control her!”  

“Why’s it always gotta be me?!” He grabbed at Siobhan trying to gently pry her from the frightened kid. “Ok Siobhan, come on now we can't be hurting these people.”  

“Now let’s go, let’s go…” Colin ushered them away from the terrified teens.  

“RAAA!” Siobhan groaned and fussed while Jimmy tried to restrain her calmly, linking arms with her, till he heard a small ‘crack’ coming from her brittle forcep.  

“Colin, we should really take her back now.”  

“I dunno, I’m kinda having fun with her.”  

“Colin!”  

“Alright alright…” he checked his phone. “I suppose we better get her back before sunrise, who knows what’ll happen then. Come on.” They followed him back down Sunset and Vine towards the cemetery.  

The vibe seemed to mellow out the closer they got to her grave. The air was still, the night quiet as it came to a close.  

They reached her resting place adorned with the weeping angel, waiting for her return.  

“Here we are.” There was a peaceful silence among the tombstones and Siobhan stood in silence.  

“Yep, its bedtime.” Jimmy pat her shoulder gently.  

“Guess so. It's been fun Siobhan, but he's right, it's time for you to rest now. But a parting gift before you go down.” He took out the silver necklace he got from Brittany and clasped it around her neck. “You really rock the glam so well. Better than Stefi.”  

“Dafuq? Rude!”  

“Rmmm...”  

Colin started with the incantation to put her back, the earth parted, and her coffin opened for her to take her rightful slumbering place and back she went to the land of the dead.  

“I'm gonna miss her.”  

“We barely spent any time with her and all she said was ‘braaaiiiins!’” Stefi imitated with her arms dangling out in front of her.  

“You know Stefi friendship isn't just about filling the air with chatter of frivolities.” Stefi rolled her eyes.  

“Whatever, I guess she was ‘aight.” Jimmy smiled and shook his head. The sun barely started to peak over the horizon of hills and tombstones as the three of them walked back homewards.