Dark New Year

DECEMBER 29

"Angela! Come down now or we'd be late", my Mom yelled from downstairs. I take my time to go down mainly because I don’t really want to go out. There’s nothing interesting about the New Year ‘cause it’s going to be like the last year. I ran down the staircase to meet my Mom. “I have been waiting for…” she started saying but I just walked passed her, totally ignoring her comment. My Mom gets extra jumpy during the holidays which I don’t find interesting at all.

     We go to the mall that is less than five miles from our house (it’s not an expensive mall). “Angela please can you pretend to be happy for our family image”, Mom pleaded with me; “if you go around gloomily people will think we have a scrooge in the family”. I didn’t answer her as I walked to the clothes department to get a new dress not because of the holiday but as an opportunity to get new things. “Good day lady, I think you will love a new look for Christmas. You have the perfect skin to be a Santa helper”, a Sales girl in front of said with the biggest smile I’ve ever seen on anyone. “I don’t want to be anything for Christmas so please lay…” I remembered Mom’s voice in my head, “…what I mean to say is, I don’t have the time today and besides Christmas was some days ago.” I don’t wait for her reply as I walked away.

       I felt really bad that I couldn’t get anything from the store ‘cause I was running away from the Sales girl that just wouldn’t layoff. There were decorations of the holiday around the mall which annoyed me. The holidays are only times that remind me of darkness and emptiness and nobody gets that, which makes me look like the bad guy. Am I the only the person who hates this time of the year? I want it to get over with. A strange kid bumped into me and my phone fell down. “Hey kid, what gives?” I said running after the kid. I know I’m eighteen but that doesn’t mean that I cannot beat some respect into the kid. The boy runs down a staircase that leads to control room of the mall.

    I entered the door the boy followed but it was empty when I went in. “Kid! Come out, didn’t yo mama teach you some manners?” I found a note on the chair, “is this some kind of New Year prank?” To my ultimate surprise, the note had my name on it. I took it and I opened it;

      Angela,

         The joy you so long for have always been in you and only a new view would open your eyes to see it.

                                                                                                      XOXO

                                                                                            Your New Year

                                                                                                         Miracle  

This is bogus! I threw the piece of paper on the floor and I walked out the room. Someone is playing a prank and I think its Mom. I will ignore anybody that tries to pull my leg again. This entire store is full of weirdos, so it’ll be easy to spot one.

      I try to look for Mom so that we can get out of this freak show. I want to go home; to the home I had before December thirty-first last year. I find Mom talking to a guy I’ve never seen before and it makes me a little bit nervous. “Hey there Miss, I would like an autograph”, I hear someone calling me. “What do you want now?”, I turn round and my mouth drops open.

“Don’t worry I’ve got your mouth”, Jason says smiling.

“I didn’t know you were coming here, I would have worn something better”. Jason is my boyfriend and we offered the same course in twelfth grade before he decided to dedicate his life to Olympics and sports. He kisses me, “as usual your Mom called to tell me you were in a bad mood”, he smiled holding my face in his hands, and “I wanted to know what could have made my Bubblegum mad on a day like this”.

 “I just don’t like the holidays”. It was his turn to drop his mouth open.

 “Everyone likes the holidays, so what really up?”

 “I just wanna go home, would take me please? If I ask Mom she is definitely not gonna answer”. I pout so that he knows I’m serious, “OMG! You’re pouting! I’m getting you outta here right now”.

                                                  DECEMBER 31

       Nothing important happened yesterday which made me a little bit happy. Mom is part of the planning committee for the annual New Year party and this year’s theme is; FORGET THE PAST, LOOK FORWARD. And the color code is champagne gold and royal blue (which I have a perfect dress in my wardrobe for that was given to me by my Dad on my seventeenth birthday). Everyone is anxious about this party but me which is a bit awkward on a side. The party starts by nine in the evening so that everyone would be well awake for the countdown to the next year.

       “Sweetie! It’s already ten minutes before the party unless you want to cancel on me”, my Mom said with her if-you-cancel-on-me-i-would-be-miserable look. I stood up from my bed and I dressed up. “Wow! Your Dad would have really loved this. You know he borrowed money to get you this dress ‘cause he couldn’t pay for it at that time”, she smiled weakly as she looked at me. Tears gather in my eyes but I refuse to let it out, “Mom, you also look beautiful. Let’s go.” I said quickly to avoid any more talk about Dad.

                                                      ~           *         ~

         “Jana, your daughter looks gorgeous!” a woman said to Mom. Mom becomes distracted as I walked away from the attention I am about to get. Jason said he was going to arrive a little bit late so officially I had no date to the party. I walked outside to get some fresh air. I looked at the star and I wanted to ask it a lot of questions and I also wanted to tell it that I am mad at it for taking my joy. “Baby, what’re you doing out here?” It was Mom and she had her famous worried look on. “It’s a beautiful evening and you decide to spend it out here don’t…” “…I don’t see anything beautiful about the evening”, I cut her short. “What did you say?”

  “I said that I don’t like this evening! I don’t like this holiday! I hate entering into a new year!” I had an outburst.

 “Where is this coming from?”

“I’ve always wanted to tell you but you would listen. You were so engrossed in making sure the holiday was perfect and we came together as a family for photos and shopping.”

“Let’s sit and have a short chat about it”. We sat down on the stairs holding each other’s hands. “What’s this thing that you’ve always wanted to tell me?” Mom said smiling.

 “Last year at this time, Dad got into an accident trying to get here for the countdown and he didn’t make it. And after that you lost your job and the school I applied to denied me admission. We had to move to a new city and I had to cut off all of my friends to start all over again. It was hard for me but you smiled through it all which made me start to think that you didn’t really love Dad. It was hard to celebrate my birthday without Dad tying a piñata to my door”.

    “I told him a million times that I am not a baby any more. All this is enough to tag this holiday as dark, not joy and not happiness. That’s what I wanted to let you know”. Mom smiled weakly.

“I don’t like letting old wounds cut open again and bleed”, she said holding me closer, “I love your father and I will love him till forever so don’t ever doubt that. You are focusing too much on the terrible things forgetting the good stuffs that happened”

“What good thing happened?” I asked a little confused.

 “You met good friends here and you got the best boyfriend in the whole L.A.  After I lost the job, I started my own business and it’s been going well for the mean time. Your Dad is in a better place among the stars and I wanted to surprise you with this”. She brings out an envelope with a school’s stamp on it. “This is University of California”, I said reading the paper. “AH! I got in with a renewable scholarship for the two semesters!”.

  “This letter came in on Christmas Eve but I wanted to make it a big surprise. So now do you believe that this last year was a good year, you just had to look at it from a new view”, Mom said smiling as I hugged her. I remembered the note.

   There were lots of thing I could be grateful for but I just didn’t see it. “Mom, are we late for the countdown?” I asked eagerly. “It’s just the perfect time. Let’s do it together”.

   So with millions of people around the world, we scream;

  5…

I love my family

 4…

I want to see what this year holds for me

 3…

Dad is safe with the stars

 2…

This is truly a miracle that happens once a year

  1…

All I see is light, no more darkness

  HAPPY NEW YEAR!