My love with your memories

As the movie credits start rolling I walk out of the theatre to head home. It's pretty late and I'm walking all alone I look around and I don't really have anyone beside me - no group of friends hanging out with me on a school night I think as a bunch of teenagers loud and cheerful pass by me, nor a lover so kind and gentle who would hand me a warm drink whilst getting the car. On one hand I sure am fortunate enough to have my family but I haven't been able to see them in a while given my work and pay doesn't allow me so well. My empty yet envious of my surrounding mind makes my head revolve around irrelevant topics until I've got no idea how, he - again popped up in my head and I've got no reason to discard my imaginary thoughts for they let me escape this world where I don't really belong in however I'm free and my love and actions have no bounds no criticism no negativity, we're free and he loves me the way just as I want to be. 

I snap back to reality as the cars across the street honks really loud. In a certain aspect I can say that yes, I am a reasonable and practical person. I only feel this certain way for him because in the span of seven years since we parted ways, no one managed to draw my love, my attention the way he did. Hence I waited patiently while also sleeping with one eye open at night, tired of waiting I somehow ended up on some of the bizzare social sites of 21st century and tried to get a hold of him but I was quite unsuccessful for he just like me doesn't approve of such meaningless activities or to put it in other words we are both private person. Needless to say I ended up discovering his family members - the names of whom I suprisingly, subconsciously remembered even after five years or more and got to know that he never did left our hometown, technically most people didn't for we did live in one of the biggest cities in our country, however destiny had a different path planned for until until I decided to change it myself two years ago. 

I started to find reasons to go back to that place, some work- some opportunity that would possibly eventually lead me up to him for it would be difficult to find him in such a big city without much information. 

Almost six months went by and I was beginning to realise I've dwelled upon such unnecessary fantasies for quite long time now, until one fine day while in search for a job I stumbled upon the profile of his dad and while checking it out I came across the fact that by miracle he has been involved in a famous publishing company and therefore my life was filled with colours and clear purpose yet again. For the next two years all I did was work in journalism, column writing, along with years of holding onto the memories amongst my sweat and tears drenched with nothing but emptiness and my mind's ability of reminiscing and finding comfort within it even though admittedly I was hurting and doubting all along.

No I haven't always been like this for everybody. It's just that I have been to so many places and never have I ever come across like him moreover he is like the male version of myself exactly someone I wanna spend my days with, someone to whom I wanna be mattered just to be somebody to someone, truth be told no one ever mademe so weak yet so strong at the same time. I have always had enough but that one little empty void that is inside all of us and he's that part, now looking back I was indeed happy and full of warmth back then when we were in the same class. 

Back when we were kids and under the pressure to be cool most of us scared, so was I, I never wanted to ruin what we had so never felt the desire to come to face the truth. But after so many miserable years it is all that I need, yes I do have some aspirations and dreams but I need a home to go to after chasing them. My family isn't left much all of them moved on with someone or the other, yet why did I stay the same since forever?

Anyway Andrew, none of this matters anymore for I will see your face on Monday after so many years, you surely outgrew me in the aspect of height as I heard sometime in the past few years and are you still the same goofball or did the harsh world took the child out of you as well? I sure have so many questions but the biggest one being did you just think about me anytime? Under any circumstances in the past few years? I once heard barely two years after moving that you despise me but that doesn't matter at all, I know you never meant it. Do you by any chance know what were you thinking when you asked me out? I clearly didn't since I never managed to gave you an answer but that is simply because I was taken aback and didn't know myself so well back then but luckily after years of a few bitter experience I know better and I will see you soon.

Monday.

"And that's all for today since you're new we won't be giving you much at the moment, make sure to include the review of the articles we'll be sending you in a while"

I followed all my instructions carefully until after a while a familiar face walked into the room, it was him how was I supposed to react? All I could do was crack a broad smile and he smiled back I needed to know if he te me but I should wait. 

5:00pm

I make my way to the elevator and to my suprise find him in there and we were alone. 

"Hi" I said

"Hey you're new here right" 

"Yeah I just moved here recently and today was my first day- do you really not remember me Andrew?" I couldn't keep up my pretense

"Michelle?"

"so you do remember me, oh thank god I can't believe were here after all these years, how have you been? Do you remember how we used to be? I never even gave you an answer, can we go out for dinner tommorow night we have a lot of catching up to do - please?" I said

"Um I'm sorry actually I don't really remember much I came to know your name by a fellow employee were we sometime in the same grade back in school?"

At that moment I simply wished that the ground would devour me or if only I could just disappear undo what I did, undo what I said but instead all I could do is put a brave face on smile politely and carry on the conversation easily.