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Fantasy Fiction

Kevin had everything assembled, but he quadruple checked his list just in case he forgot anything. "Cheesy poofs...check. Potato chips...check. Faygo soda in cherry, grape, and Rockin Rye...check. Laptop...check. Internet connection humming...check. Cheese pizza with ham, black olives, and green peppers...check. One bag of double stuff Oreos...check.' Headphones...check. Special addition DVD of 'Lord of the Rings' all three parts plus 'The Hobbit' for good measure....check. DVD special addition of the entire series of the 'Chronicles of Narnia' just in case...check.' He fluffed his special 'L-shaped' gaming bean bag chair for extra comfort. Tonight was going to be EPIC!

To look around at Kevin's haul one would think that he was about to entertain about fifty of his favorite nerdy friends, but tonight's plans were going to be for Kevin and Kevin alone...and well, those other people that he was going to be virtually LARPing with, but they didn't count because they were off in their own homes eating their own pizza's and drinking their own Faygo soda and playing their own copies of 'The Lord of the Rings" in the background.

Kevin decided that he would be a stickler and start his evening viewing with ''The Hobbit" for the sake of proper story sequencing even though that was not the order in which the movies were originally released. He queued up his Blu Ray player and suddenly his living room was filled with the gentle sounds of the Shire. Giving poor Bilbo Baggins a mere nod he set to work logging into the game. Ten minutes later his knight was fully dressed, equipped, and accompanied by an elf, three hobbits, and seven dwarves. His quest was going well, so well in fact that he wasn't paying any attention to the exploits of one introverted hobbit about to be interrupted by multiple dwarves.

Kevin was about to click on the next treasure chest to see what was inside when he was interrupted by a knock on the door just as Bilbo's first guest was arriving at the door to his hobbit hole.

"Not now," groaned Kevin, pausing his game. He stomped the whole ten steps to the front door of his town house and whipped it open. To his shock, no one was there beyond the street lamp and some chirping crickets. He swore under his breath at the local teenagers, ducked back inside, and slammed the door closed. He logged back in and was just about to click on the coveted treasure chest again when there came another knock at the door.

"What the hel...," he began, but stopped as he suddenly realized that he was no longer alone in his living room.

There, seated comfortably on his living room couch, sat a man dressed as a dwarf. He was nonchalantly drinking a glass of Faygo Rockin Rye out of a hollowed out horn. The carbonated beverage was running down his authentic beard and dripping onto a pile of cheesy poofs mounding over the sides of a goat skull that was settled in his lap just on top of his furry kilt.

"Who are...how did...what are..." stammered Kevin.

"Aye, bit of a shock there lad. I understand tis a bit disconcertin' to find a real dwarf on one's couch. I must say this is some delightful fare. "

The knock at the door repeated before Kevin could question the dwarf further.

"Tis rude to leave a visitor on your doorstep in the cold of the night isn't it," questioned the dwarf?

Kevin stared blankly at his exceptionally short and hairy guest as he backed his way toward the door and opened it to again reveal nothing more than the dark starry night sky and a bunch of overachieving crickets. When he returned to the living room he was startled, but not surprised to see not one, but two dwarves on his couch.

The second dwarf nodded at him and swilled some grape Faygo, the purple syrup pouring out the sides of his mouth like a fine Ale. Then he belched loudly and stabbed up a piece of pizza with his battle axe.

Kevin glanced briefly up at the screen of his TV and noted with horror that Bilbo Baggin's kitchen was now filled with thirteen hairy dwarves. His stomach lurched as there came a third knock on the door. By midnight Kevin had long since abandoned his video game. His Livingroom was filled with thirteen dwarves and a lot more excitement than any virtual treasure chest could hold. The group seemed content eating and drinking everything in Kevin's refrigerator and pantry as they watched DVD after DVD of 'Lord of the Rings'. It wasn't so bad, really if they would just stop chopping at his floor with their axes every time a dwarf did something particularly heroic.

Kevin was just about to offer them some of his 'special gummies' to see what it would be like to get high with thirteen dwarves when there was another knock on the door. Kevin started over to answer it when the very first dwarf yelled, '"They're here! So it begins lads! To honor and Glory we run!"

Kevin was almost trampled to death as thirteen stout dwarves sprinted to his front door sending bottles of Faygo everywhere. The clanging of swords and axes was defining as hoards of Orcs flowed through his front door. He ducked an axe here, a sword there, a severed rolling Orc head on the floor as he slowly made his way back to his laptop and comfy L-shaped bean bag chair. He was pleased to note that some of his fellow gamers were still online. He logged back in and finally opened the digital treasure chest. Inside was a massive crossbow that auto fed bolts like a machine gun. It appeared in real time in his living room. Without a second thought, he shouldered it, grabbed a piece of cold pizza, and joined the Orc killing frenzy that surrounded him.

July 24, 2021 23:56

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Tricia Shulist
20:49 Jul 30, 2021

Ha! Nerds of the universe unite! That was a lot of fun. Good thing he wasn’t watching Arachnophobia. 😀


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