The starless night sky wept, spilling out its sorrow over the bustling Immortal Quarter. I stood, unflinching, as cars hissed by, spraying me with brown frothy water. Why avoid the street tea when I was already steeped in five years’ worth of misery and his blood?
I laughed, imagining what people would think—a woman shivering in the rain, mascara bleeding down her cheeks, as if she’d just had her heart broken.
I had.
I’d burned bridges so thoroughly tonight, that the ashes had likely blown halfway across the damn city by now.
I checked my watch. The bus was late. My legs ached from the hours it took to escape the labyrinth that is the Immortal Quarter. I eyed the crooked blue bench, its paint peeling and uninviting, before lowering myself with a sigh of resignation. The bench swayed under my weight, as if weighing up my conscience, finding it passable–for now.
My thigh tingled. I hesitated, reaching into the deep pocket—the fourth time in ten minutes—fingers itching to unfold the crumpled contract that pulsed with warning. It didn’t just radiate heat; it thudded like a heartbeat, sentient, knowing it was far from its master. The last obstacle, before I was free.
Destroying it would be impossible. Contracts were written on eternal paper, etched into time itself. Reading it was a worse idea, just another reminder of my naïve seventeen-year-old self, swept away by his killer watt smile, blind to the fine print.
“I’m such an idiot,” I cried, kicking a discarded glass bottle across the street. I couldn’t shake the picture of his perfect face or forget the endless promises he whispered against my neck. I dropped my head into my hands, groaning.
How easily his silken words erased every doubt the day I signed my soul over—It was just a formality, a simple contract he’d said, with just a few rules. I should have heeded my father’s warning and headed out the door. But I was in love…or in love with the saviour he pretended to be. He was charming, offering his wealth, his power as my own.
He was charming—until he wasn’t.
When I stopped smiling, he’d say I was the problem. I wasn’t happy because I never embraced the Immortal way. He’d wrap my hair around his fist. His coal gaze bearing down as he demanded to know. Where had my fun gone? Where was the girl who danced, who laughed, who played the violin night and day with passion, like it was her drug?
I never had the guts to say—You sucked the passion right out of me.
Regret warred inside my mind, raging like a tragic chorus. The thunder joined. Its crack echoing across the quarter, rattling deep within my weary bones. I couldn’t sit with my thoughts any longer. The restless rain washed over me as I stepped out from under the poor-excuse-of-a-shelter.
Hazy moonlight shone his ghost over my skin, memories of soft hands caressing my neck—followed by ice-cold fangs, sinking and claiming my sensitive flesh. I wanted to please him. I’d clench my fist against the searing pain, telling myself he was almost finished, almost satisfied.
But he never was.
I lived in permanent dread of his bite. Fear of his venom and the nightmares it unleashed. His glowing red eyes became a countdown—it was Pain o’clock in Kaspar Von Dracula’s house.
Though tonight, when he summoned me to the dining room, something inside me awoke. He’d given me the pointed look. A gesture I knew meant, assume the position; pull back my hair and expose my neck.
I had enough scars there.
I said—No.
A symphony of gasps rasped across the parlour. The esteemed guest, the blood slaves, every mystical beast all watched with bated breath.
“What do you mean, no?” He jumped onto the table, lips pulled back to reveal his ivory daggers. I’d backed up, but he swooped down in a cloak of shadows and vanished us away to my room. “Lila, whose are you?” A low growl rumbled in his throat as he spun me around to face him.
For the first time, I saw him. My heart, already thin as a boiled eggshell, cracked at the realisation. Truth slammed the breath out of my lungs.
I never had his heart—he didn’t have one.
He was a monster. Every charming smile he’d flashed, every song he’d sung, every dress he’d bought was all part of a performance. He was a masterful mimic of human emotions.
“Lila, I’m growing Impatient.” His fingers dug into my arm. “Whose are you?”
I’d like to say what happened next was an accident. A slip of the fingers. But you don’t go prancing about an undead’s mansion hiding a stake, unless you have some intention of using it. My fingers wrapped around the smooth wood of my salvation hidden inside my pocket.
I didn’t know whose I was anymore, but I sure as hell knew whose I wasn’t.
“Not yours," I said, plunging the stake between his ribs, into his non-existent heart.
He screeched in an ancient tongue as blood trickled down his cream shirt. I slapped away his weak attempts to grab my neck. With all the dignity I had left, I shoved my full weight behind the stake. He gasped, eyes wide, shocked.
Maybe, for the first time, he saw me too.
Just like that—POOF—an eruption of ash. It was all too easy.
The only remaining problem—the contract that was now nestled inside my pocket, retrieved from his desk before fleeing. My soul, bound within its very words. Free for any Immortal to find and claim, another signature, another master. I shuddered at the thought, pulling it out of my pocket, running my finger along the folded seams. I didn’t survive the last five years to end up as someone else’s plaything.
I folded the paper as small as possible. Filling the glass bottle I’d kicked with rain water, until there was enough swishing around for a decent mouthful. Drinking from a used bottle was the least of my concerns.
I stuffed the contract into my mouth. The paper, suddenly hot against my tongue. Saliva pooled at the intense bittersweet taste of chocolate, vinegar, and liquid fire melding together. One gulp of water sent steam hissing out of my nose and mouth. The contract, sticky in my throat. I couldn’t swallow. Swallowing felt like embracing death. This was a bad idea; humans and eternal items didn’t belong together.
Unseen fire consumed my body, sweat beaded down my forehead, and tickled down my back. Rain, the saving grace, kept me from combustion. It torrented down harder, cleansing away the last of his ashen remains that coated my gown and skin.
The bittersweet contract melted in my mouth, releasing the hurt of loss, the pleasure of freedom, the acidity of regret. It was a messy human combination. As the last of the bittersweet syrup slid down my throat, I knew—I’d reclaimed my soul.
The rain softened, allowing the squeak of wheels to be heard. An old yellow bus came into view, abruptly pulling to a stop. The driver eyed me up and down, whistling as he opened the door. “What in the world happened to you?”
“It’s a long story,” I said, shivering as I boarded the empty bus.
“Alright then, where am I taking you?” He counted my coins, motioning for me to take a seat wherever. I looked out the foggy windows, pointing to the distant hills, human lands.
“Home,” I replied, taking a seat. “Take me home.”
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Rich in all the right ways. You are an excellent writer. Come back soon.
Thanks for liking'Town Without Pity'
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Thank You Mary, I'll still be here reading everyone's amazing stories.
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I love when writers take an old myth or legend and make it their own! Wonderful take and a very compelling MC. Overall I was immersed and rooting for the MC the whole time. Well done!
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WOW! that's so kind of you to say, thank you!!
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Great writing! and so much brilliant use of metaphor, "I’d burned bridges so thoroughly tonight, that the ashes had likely blown halfway across the damn city by now." Who would have known a contract with a vampire would taste of "intense bittersweet taste of chocolate, vinegar, and liquid fire melding together". Great urban fantasy which got me interested in and rooting for the MC right away.
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Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot coming from such an established writer! Honestly, I didn't know it would taste that way either-- until I was writing the scene.
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I love your writing, so I’ve taken the drastic step of hitting ‘follow’. That’s legally binding, right? Now you have to come back. Don’t make me start a petition. 😄
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Awe, you're so sweet. That means so much. Lol, I can tell you have a lively sense of humour (my fav). I'll be back; until then, I'll be in the shadows reading your next wonderful story. (gosh that sounds a bit stalkery)
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My favorite kind of stalking. See you soon.
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Love your imagery and the immersive writing! You managed to put so much into a short story. You’re a wonderful writer!
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Thank you, I REALLY appreciate your kind words! it means so much to me.
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Your story was emailed to me as part of a critique circle and I’m really glad I got to enjoy your work.
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I'll reread your story again. I think I commented on it before, already loved it! Your a great writer.
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This is amazing work! I’m so impressed with your writing!
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Really? Thank you!! I always spot the mistakes after posting lol.
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This is wonderful, Nicole. Some great lines and a feisty protagonist.
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Thank you! That means a lot coming from such a wonderful writer as yourself.
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I love a good vampire story! Good for her, honestly.
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Thank you! I really appreciate you reading and commenting.
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What a powerful ending! It was unexpected, almost shocking, when she decided to ingest the contract. You really had me with that passage. I was all in.
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Thank you so much! I was really wanting that moment to stand out and I'm so glad it did for you.
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That was well done, I like how she stood up to her abuser and reclaimed her soul. The ending line was just perfection.
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Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad you liked it.
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"He was charming - until he wasn't" is a solid line.
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Thank you, C.T. I really appreciate your comment.
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Quite welcome, this is an evocative piece. I'm giving it my second read-through now and I think I'm actually getting more out of it on the second go-round. It's very rich in descriptive prose.
Good for her for finally staking the guy! I hope she gets her freedom and doesn't lose track of that contract. She should embed it in a block of resin and throw it into the ocean, or something.
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Thank you!! Lol, yeah originally I had this big staking scene, then deleted it and just added POOF. Felt right for that moment.
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A bit of cathartic anti-climax is good for the soul.
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Now that's a great vampire story... the victim became the hunter.
Great job!!
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Thank you, J.R!
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This fantasy short story stands out for its evocative descriptions and strong sense of atmosphere. The writing is vivid without being overdone, and the world is imaginative. Unusual, well-crafted piece. Thank you.
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Thank you, Mynah. I really appreciate your kind feedback.
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You put so much depth into the classic vampire story. Your writing style has great power to set the tone and atmosphere and keep us captivated <3
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Thank you so much Martha! Your words brought a smile to my face.
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Wonderful take on a classic story. We all know vampire stories, but by focusing on the victim and her strengths and weaknesses, you catch us off guard. I loved the description of her eating the contract. I also loved that you gave her the power to confront the monster and to KILL him. That took guts. I assume there could be more to this story...? Great job, Nicole.
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Thnx Derek. It's my last story before I focus more on my novel writing, so I wanted to try something a little different from what I'm used to.
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Good luck with the novel! How far along are you with it? Do you have a plan for publishing it?
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atm an 11,000-word overview and 4 chapters are done. It's an epic, dark, fantasy and I'd love to try to have it published. Not sure if my skills are yet, but I'll give it a go
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I know it's about vampires and such, but that line about reclaiming her soul seemed to make the work a whole lot deeper. Great job, Nicole.
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Thank you, Colin! I appreciate you reading and commenting.
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A glorious exercise in description. The imagery! So vivid. Such an original approach too. Lovely work!
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Thank you Alexis!!
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I love Vampires. And such a unique approach. Well done.
Jim
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Thanks Jim. This is my last story for a while, so thought why not try something new for me.
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"My heart, already thin as a boiled eggshell" - that's perfection within a perfect story.
The perfect balance between the reality of the rickety bus stop bench to the fantasy of the banquet. Chef's kiss.
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Thank you for all your lovely feedback to help me learn and grow!
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This story absolutely drips with atmosphere and raw emotional intensity. Lila's arc from abused victim to empowered survivor is gripping, and the worldbuilding of the Immortal Quarter is both vivid and fresh. One suggestion: consider expanding slightly on the “contract” itself earlier in the story—its magic, its power, maybe even a hint of the consequences of breaking or resisting it. That way, the moment she swallows it becomes even more climactic and resonant. Otherwise, this is a dark, cinematic, and emotionally rich tale—beautifully told.
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Thank you so much for your feedback! I'll try and add that in before editing closes.
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And thank you so much for going through all the stories and giving feedback that means so much! I will return the favour shortly.
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Of course! When my brain is too fried to write, I like to read others' stories :)
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I quickly added an extra sentence to build more depth on the contract. I gotta got feed some kiddies, so run out of time to do more. Thnx, for pointing it out:
My thigh tingled. I hesitated, reaching into the deep pocket—the fourth time in ten minutes—fingers itching to unfold the crumpled contract that pulsed with warning. It didn’t just radiate heat; it thudded like a heartbeat, sentient, knowing it was far from its master. The last obstacle, before I was free. Destroying it would be impossible. Contracts were written on eternal paper, etched into time itself. (and then there's the bit later where it mentions her signing over he soul)
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Love it!
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