Dear Something I Don’t Have A Name For,

I guess I’ll start with introductions. I’m the girl who happened to be gifted a “journal” for her birthday from her dear old grandpa. I appreciate it. It’s just...a journal? For my sixteenth birthday? I think that’s uncalled for! 

(I’ve been hoarding you for over a year!)

Anyway, my name is Elizabeth Lazer Rae. Yes, my middle name is Lazer. Yes, I think it’s awesome. 

But no, I did not pick this “journal” up by choice. I have no reason to collect my thoughts in a stack of paper binded by leather, thank you very much. 

I just can’t sleep. I’m bored. And I was also too lazy to charge my phone. 

This is ridiculous. Goodbye. 

And now I’m talking to you. 



Dear Something I Don’t Have A Name For Yet,

Welcome to my Talk Show. Where I write whenever I can’t sleep. 

Today, we welcome Christmas Eve. Notorious for keeping young ones awake for multiple reasons. Whether it may be the want to say, “I saw Santa!” or just the fact you want to open presents. 

I am a victim of the latter. 

So, to get my head off the new phone that is surely waiting downstairs, I decided it’s only fair to give you a name. It’s going to be amazing, and you will forever be in my debt. 

Drumroll please…

Lord Nosypants!!

I know, you don’t have to thank me. But you saved-I’m sorry, gratefully stole my brother from the title.

Did I mention I have a D in English? French is much easier, I must say. 

Anyway, Lord Nosypants, any hints on what YOU’RE giving me for X-mas? 

I would give you a complete book-but unfortunetly, I am too lazy. And also, I have horibal spelling at times. But I try. 


Dear Lord Nosypants, 

It is officially X-mas. It is 12 A.M. 

Ima gonna get a new phone...oh yeah…

It better be an IPhone XR. X is so boring.

Also, I think it’d be nice if you gave me some tea, too, sis. I’d appreciate it. 

My phone is waiting!




Dear Lord Nosypants,

It wasn’t a phone. In fact, it was those trashy knock-offs for childs. Can you beleve it? 

Barbie was in my conacts. 

I tried to call her, but it didn’t work. 

What a piece of trash. 

I did get something from Grandpa though-yes, the one who gave me you-a sweater! Yay! The most itchy, uncomfortable sweater on Earth! I’m so honored. 

I’m not a spoiled child, I promise. 

Ok, maybe a litle. 

But hey, I have something to look forward to. New Years! There’s a party-even though I should be asleep, don’t think I’m not going.

Gotta go, guacamole’s waiting.

Fellow Guacamole Lover,



Dear Lord Nosypants, 

5...4...3...2...1...Happy New Years!!

Oh who am I kidding? That was hours ago. 

But you have to thank me for counting you in! Especially since the only reason is because I can’t sleep. 

Okay. Goodbye. 

Happy New Years,



Dear Lord Nosypants,

Help me. 

I think I may have eaten too many heart shaped chocolates. 

Ironic considering I have no heart. 


But I ate more than I do on halloween. I think that’s really bad…especially since it’s the middle of the night. I hope the munching noise made my bro pee his pants though.

ima gonna throw up. 


Guess what? 

No, you actually have to guess. No, you can’t just stand there. Don’t be an idiot. 

Fine, I’ll tell you. 


Thank you...thank you...I am bowing if you were wondering…

That was quite the performance. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to devour my butterscotch cake. 




My brother found you. I am so so sorry, Lord Nosypants. I wish I could do more than use neon green duct tape...but alas, I cannot fix you more. Duct tape is the new thing anyway. Especially neon green. 

What? You want me to describe the damage? 

(No, I’m not insane. I just feel like describing it)!

Okay. Let’s just say….you’re not brown. At least not leather brown. Stitches have been undone, which left me to redo them in pink stitches. You look cute. 

The green totally ruined. Jack thought he was so cool, ripping you up in an ‘X’ shape. Idiot. 

Don’t worry. His farts are becoming shorter. 

The prankster,



Dear Lord NosyPants,

Sadly, you came bearing green. I regret not choosing the hot pink duct tape. 

Curse my purely kind soul. 

Jack pinched me SO hard. I swear he has fangs. 

I knew he was Dracula all along. 

Wait. Does Dracula have fangs? 

Yeah...I didn’t think so. 

Do you know why I can’t sleep at night? I never told you, did I? Huh. One secret I kept from you. 

I sleepwalk, Nosypants. That’s right. My therapist said there are different causes for sleepwalking. I assume I should check off  stress as the answer? Anyway, I have trouble sleeping for the fear of waking up. We have motion detectors, but I’m sure I could end up crossing the neighborhood.

Unharmed? I’m not sure. 

It’s quite the dillema, I’ll admit. Not the most fun, if you ask me. 


Dear Lord Nosypants,


It’s been long, old friend. Winter and spring break are over, I’m still an immature child, I still love Percy Jackson, my friends despise my humor, my dad jokes, and exams are coming…


I’m in my senior year. I must pass. I must get a degree. I must become a doctor. 


Clearly, you can see the cause of my dark circles. I simply took a break from studying. 

Back to it I guess…

Practically dead,



Dear Lord Nosypants,

My very first exam is today. You know, since it’s well after one. I’m stress-eating, at the moment. I think it’s fitting, ever since I go that stash…

You know, I think that’s the wrong word choice. Anyway. Calculas exam today. I hate it so much. I mean honestly, that includes X in some circumstances! I don’t need ‘X’, why do I have to find it. 

Idiotic X. Getting lost all the time like it’s a joke. 

At least I won’t ever have to find you again, after this exam. 

Wish me luck,  



Dear Lord Nosypants,

Wow. I definitely couldn’t have made it through senior year without you. All those restless nights were worth it. 

I passed all my exams. All A’s. Even English. 


Got a scholarship. Amazing, isn’t it? Pre-X-mas me wouldn’t beleve it! 

Thanks for being there, bud.

I need to stop talking to things.



April 08, 2020 17:47

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