Never Waste Broken Ribs

"Just move already. You're not smart enough to need this much time."

"Smarts? Hey? If I dumped everything I know about checkers into your head, it would explode. Now shut up. You've made me lose my train of thought."

"So smart are you? You've seen the Tin Lizzie?"

"Yeah, I seen it."

"You admit you were wrong?"

"Nope."

"Ha! Old Clyde, the smartest man alive. Never wrong. Ha! The most stubborn man alive is more like it. Every family in America will have a motor car, you'll see, Mr. Ford will make it happen."

"Pie in the sky. You've got as much chance of that happening as you do of winning this game. Triple jump!"

"Know-it-all! Mind my words. Every family, I tell you. I just hope we're both alive to see it so I can finally prove you wrong. Always thinking you're right. Drives me nuts."

"Now, Walter, you and I both know you ain't got a chance of proving me wrong about nothing."

"So sure of yourself? Forget the Tin Lizzie. I can prove you wrong right now."

"Go ahead. Or should I take a nap while you come up with something?"

"Go on and laugh, but I've been reading the paper and got proof. Remember when you said that Girl Scout outfit won't amount to a hill of beans? Remember?"

"Yep, and I stand behind it."

"Well, I read Little Rock gots two, and Hot Springs plans on one soon. What do you got to say about that?"

"It don't look good for me. The big cities, huh? Two of them? Well, don't that beat all."

"I got you! Ha! I can't believe I got you."

"Now, wait one minute. I said it looks like I might be wrong. You know about them big cities. They always do crazy things. Don't mean a thing out here. Can you name one sensible town, like ours, that has one?"

"Gosh darn it, you slick raccoon. You know I can't."

"Nice try, and by the way, it's your turn if you're still playing."

"Yeah, I'll move. Just really thought I got you, that's all. Should of known better than to count on big cities."

"Walter, Walter, Walter. Might as well quit trying. You've never proven me wrong, and you never will. I wouldn't move there if I were you."

"What? Why? Darn it! Always right! I'm going to find something you're wrong about."

"Good luck, but move already."

"How about here?"

"That's much better."

"Wait a minute. I just remembered that the paper also said hospital births are on the rise."

"You've got to stop reading those big city papers. They'll fill your head with nonsense."

"Just admit you're wrong."

"My pappy was born in this house. My pa was born in this house. I was born in this house. How many people do you know that were born in a hospital?"

"None. It was worth a try. I actually agree with you. Why would women ever choose a hospital over home?"

"I never said big-city women wouldn't go to the hospital; it's just that women with common sense wouldn't go – like our women. And who could blame them? Home is a far piece better than those cold and unnatural hospitals."

"When you're right, you're right. But I thought of another one."

"I'm going to double jump this time. You need to get your head in the game."

"It's no use. I was beat with the triple. But I remember last year you said prohibition wouldn't pass."

"You old fool. You said prohibition wouldn't pass."

"What! Have you been drinking Rufus's stump water? I never said…wait…now I remember. Darn it! I thought it would pass, too, but when I heard you believed the same thing, I went the other way."

"You're a mess. A real mess. You know that?"

"You're getting into my head. I swear I've never met a man who needed to be proved wrong more than you."

"I never have, and you won't be the one to knock me off the hill. I promise you that."

"How do you know? Crystal ball? Gifted by God? How is it you know what's going to happen?"

"When I was real young, I made up my mind to climb to the top of Mr. McClure's three hundred-year-old tree. He died before you came here, but everyone knew he'd shoot anyone caught on his land. Of course, that didn't scare me none. I picked a time when Mr. McClure went to town to buy feed. I brought rope just in case and wore my best tree-climbing shoes. I easily made it halfway up the old tree when I heard a wagon roll under me. Mr. McClure came back earlier than I thought. I hunkered down and waited for the wagon to move on. The wagon stayed. I eventually fell asleep waiting. The next thing I know, I was falling, bouncing off tree limbs, until I landed on the ground."

"I woke up inside Mr. McClure's cabin. He told me he about shot me, mistaking me for a wild animal. I felt all funny inside, and not a good funny. He told me I broke some ribs, but they'd eventually heal. Then he said the darndest thing. He said broken ribs might hurt, but they're good luck. He went on to tell me how he broke his ribs once, and ever since then, he hasn't been wrong about anything. And you know what? He was right."

"You mean to tell me you fell from a tree, and now you know everything?"

"Ain't you listening? I said I broke ribs. That's the secret. Broken ribs, I tell you."

"Your ribs? All these years, I thought you believed you were the smartest man in town. I'd never think in a hundred years you thought your ribs were the reason."

"It seemed right I get something out of all that pain. You ever sneeze with broken ribs? Laughed? Coughed? I didn't think so. If I hadn't got the smarts to be right about everything, then they'd just be wasted broken ribs. But you hear me, they weren't wasted. Believe me, I'm always right."