Traitor Love

The moment Ava saw him, she had grasped his collar and pulled him down to her height. Ava was seething with anger. It took her greatest self control to prevent herself from strangling him. How dare he show his face in front of her?

         "Why did you do it?" Ava asked through gritted teeth.

         Ava wanted to punch him, kill him, and mangle his body for killing their adoptive father. Dark thoughts filled her head, scaring her.

         The man before her, Asher, and Ava were both adopted by an old man on the mountains in their previous lives. They were not siblings by blood but still treated each other extremely well. Ava had truly cared for him the most on that planet but, how dare he!

         Claiming to love Ava, he had stabbed their adoptive father because father refused to grant their marriage! Ava's brother became a murderer! This was something Ava refused to forgive. Without even listening to Asher's explanation, she took her life. Asher, shocked and broken-hearted that he had lost his beloved woman, chased after her in death.

         The two of them had both ended up in another world. However, Ava appeared to be married and was pregnant when Asher found her once again.

         Looking down, Asher sees the slightly bulged belly of Ava. A pang of sadness spread through his heart. His Ava became someone else's wife and is expecting his child! Clenching his fists, his nails dug deeply into the palm of his hand. Asher gave Ava a sad smile.

         Even if he wasn’t the one at her side, he wished that he could always be there for her. He simply wanted to be her shadow. Even if she only occasionally looked back at him, he would be happy.

         "Ava-"

         "Don't say my name! It's disgusting!"

         Ava refused to be swayed. Asher's smile was a thorn in her heart. This innocent smile of his was used to deceive her and their father! How could he not feel even the slightest bit of guilt now and still smile heartlessly like this? Could it be that he had never regretted the matters of the past?

         Ava's words were like swords stabbing into his heart. He knew Ava was never going to forgive him.

         "Ava, I'm sorry. Take my life as repayment for your life."

         Asher closed his eyes. He would willingly give up everything for her happiness, and if he was the demon in her eyes, then let it be. Raising his head, a smooth neck was revealed. Asher faced death with equanimity. He embraced being killed by her hands. Even though their reunion was short, Asher thought that he would be able to convince her of the truth and she would let him stay by her side. If she was unwilling to forgive, let him die at her hands to offset the deep seeded hatred within her heart.

         Ava, seemingly prepared, threw a small bottle at Asher, "I don't want to see you die so easily. That's too good for you. Eat the pill and let me watch as you slowly die."

         Asher smiled a peaceful smile, his body felt numb from the malice in her words, but he didn't hate her for it. Ava must hate him to the bones, but that was expected.

         "Okay, I'll eat it."

         Without hesitation he downed the contents of the bottle. A racket of coughs choked Asher, and blood ran up his throat.

         "A-Ava, I was really happy to see you again in this life-"

         Asher vomited some more blood. Asher laughed. His mouth was full of blood. You really hate me so much? Why can you not forgive me? The pain felt as if all of his ligaments were being torn and broken.

         “Ava-” Asher struggled and looked in Ava’s direction.

         His eyes were muddled. He could only see a cloudy white mist.

         “Ava, when I’m dead, can you let go of the hatred?”

         “Ava-”

         He called out several times, but no one answered. Finally, finding the strength to open his eyes, he saw Ava's back slowly walk away, leaving him for good this time.

         She left? Didn’t she hate him very much and wanted to watch him die slowly with her own eyes? Why couldn’t she look any longer? Oh, it must be because he looked very ugly now. So, she felt disgusted looking at him! Asher closed his eyes as a tear slowly leaked from his eyes, his body fell backwards to the ground with a thump.

         Ava returned to Asher after a few minutes bringing a basin of water along with a towel. If Asher could see her now, he'd be shocked that she no longer had a bulging belly. She had casted an illusion on himself!

         Slowly, Ava wiped all of the blood stains off of Asher's face and fed him another pill. She sighed and planned on leaving when she noticed a small booklet beside Asher's pocket. It must've fallen out when Asher fell over.

         She knew it was wrong to pry but her curiosity couldn't help it. It looked like the small sky blue book she had given to him in her past life. When she first met Asher at the orphanage, she had given the book to him as a meeting gift. As a child, she loved his glistening eyes, they were like the night sky.

         The corners of the notebook were smooth and it was evident that Asher had brought the notebook with him everywhere he went. It transmigrated with him? She looked at it in shock. Flipping the first page open she saw his bold scrawl.

         "1987 June 9. A small girl in pigtails gave me this book. I feel the world around me is incredibly dark. But, when she smiled at me, it was like a light. I had met her before, when I was being chased by robbers when I was 11. She appeared in an alleyway and took my hand. I had asked her why did she save me. She said big brother's eyes say you're a good person. It was regretful that I never asked for her name. I visited that alleyway every week, for 3 years. I would never forget her. I thought that I would never see her again in my life, but this is probably fate. She brought me light during the darkest period of my life. I'm really, really, really happy because I finally got to meet her. She even gave me a notebook! Even though 3 years have passed, I immediately knew it was her. Unfortunately, she does not seem to remember me. Happy."

         "1987 August 2. Her name is Ava, she's 4 years younger than me. We're both orphans. It is cold. I guard her from other kids trying to steal her blankets at night. Tired."

         "1987 December 1. Ava's birthday. I bought a lollipop with all my savings. Ava liked it. I would give her everything I have. Happy."

         "1987 December 4. I found a job. I need money to be able to take care of us. Stressed."

         "1987 December 25. I bought a bracelet for Ava. It was confiscated by the orphanage. I fought with the supervisor but lost because I'm too small. Angry."

         "1988 January 1. I bought Ava some hair ties. She's happy. Happy."

         "1988 October 15. I can't believe it. I'm being adopted. Ava asked the old man to take me in too. I will protect Ava. Happy."

         "1988 November 11. We live on a mountain, and there is a village at the bottom. I often go down to work and I found a job. The old man feeds Ava well. Happy."

         "1988 December 1. I placed Ava's favourite candy in her bag as a birthday gift. I'm too embarrassed to face her because it is unworthy. Sad."

         "1988 December 25. Ava is always cold so I bought a scarf. I hid it under her pillow yesterday. The blue scarf matches my notebook, she liked it! Really happy."

         "1989 January 1. New Years. I used my savings from work to get Ava a gift. It's a small teddy bear with a blue ribbon. I hope she likes it. Happy."

         "1989 January 8. I haven't talked to Ava in 7 days. When I took out the gift, the old man said it was his. I tried explaining but Ava yelled at me for lying. Hurt."

         "1989 February 12. I can't stay mad at her. Annoyed."

         "1989 April 1. Part-time work is hard. I'm tired after spending the day playing with Ava and then going down the mountain to work at night. It is worth it. I'll do anything for Ava. Proud."

         "1989 November 28. Something is wrong with the old man. I don't think this place is safe. I will do my best to protect Ava. Nervous."

         "1990 March 14. Ava fell down the mountain, scratched her face and broke her leg. Adoptive father told me to leave her to die. He said he didn't need spoiled goods. I felt furious. I carried Ava to a nearby shed and then bought ointment and asked for a doctor. The doctor was a kind lady and didn't charge me money. Thankful."

         "1990 March 16. I never knew it would be so nice to see Ava wake up. When she was out cold, I felt my heart freeze. Shocked."

         "1990 April 3. Ava is all better and all her wounds have healed. The old man said he had been taking care of her everyday. But it was me! Me! I feel indignant, but since Ava is so happy I'll let it be. Happy for Ava."

         "1990 April 9. I think I fell in love with the girl I've been protecting these past three years. I met her on this day 6 years ago. In love."

         "1990 May 4. Ava said she wanted a heart shaped necklace that's filled with love. I'll make her dreams come true. Happy."

         "1990 May 23. I fell asleep at work and saw Ava in my dream. I told her I want to make her my wife and she smiled sweetly at me. Happy."

         "1991 January 1. I have saved up enough money. We can escape! I bought Ava a necklace for New Years. She thought the old man gave it to her. Sad."

         "1991 May 19. I got into a fight with the old man today. He said he's going to be selling Ava and the only reason he adopted her was because someone wanted an oriental looking slave. I was angered beyond belief. I'm going to take Ava and run! Furious. Scared."

         Ava's fingers shook. No way. There was no way that their adoptive father would plan on selling her. He loved her the most and spoiled her!

         "1991 May 20. I asked Ava to leave with me. She said no. She said she would miss the old man. I couldn't bear to tell her that he was planning on selling her. I'll carry the burdens. Sad."

         "1991 May 21. I talked to the old man. He said if I could make $50 a week and give it to him, he won't sell her. Agreeable."

         "1991 July 24. I brought Ava down to the village to let her enjoy herself. I'm elated we got to spend time together. Happy."

         "1991 September 26. We've gotten closer. Happy."

         "1991 December 1. Did not give her the gift. I bought a small simple metallic ring but fainted on my way home. Sad."

         "1991 December 8. The old man is set on selling her. I felt the need to kill him. No one is allowed to hurt the love of my life. Furious."

         "1991 December 9. I beg Ava to leave with me. She yells at me. Why can't she believe me? Very sad."

         "1991 December 12. I can't change anything. Tomorrow I will kill the old man before he can sell Ava. I know it is wrong but to protect her pure heart, let me be tainted. Calm."

         Ava squints to read the next entry, it's blotched up.

         "1991 December 13. I thought something would go wrong. But I never expected this. Ava killed herself. She didn't give me a chance to explain. I'm sorry Ava. I'm a murderer, but at least let me protect you in the underworld. Death."

         "Day 15. I appeared in another world for 15 days, and saw Ava from afar. I was so happy that Ava was alive however, I'm scared she'll hate me. Although I was prepared for it in our past lives, I never thought we would meet again. My notebook is still with me. I remember stabbing myself over and over until I bled to death, pain is my retribution for hurting Ava. I know she doesn't want to see me so let it be. Sad."

         "Day 231. Ava is crying because her 'father' in this world hates her. I don't want to see her cry. Sad."

         "Day 416. We reunited. The most heart-breaking thing in the world is when I’ve been looking for you, but you hate me. Sad."

         "Day 417. I'm okay with just watching and protecting you from afar. Reluctant."

         "Day 502. I underwent training to protect Ava. I missed her greatly. I found her pregnant. I'm heartbroken, but as long as he treats you well I tell myself. As long as you're happy, I can be broken. Sad."

         "Day 503. I cannot stop loving Ava. I would rather die. I may be stubborn but regardless, when I knew I loved you I would never turn my back on you. I feel numb from loving Ava. I torture myself by taking on the hardest training possible. Broken."

         "Day 504. Ava has spotted me and she's walking over. I can see my impending doom but no matter what she asks for, I'll give it to her. I can even dig out my heart. Peaceful."

         Ava breathed in slowly. She had always thought Asher's love for her was tainted and cruel. There was no doubt he loved her but it seemed more like he wanted control. But he harmed himself even more so than he harmed her. She was angry at his reluctance to tell her about their adoptive father's actions. But, she probably wouldn’t have believed him.

         Ava cried. Why was this man, so stupid?! Why did he always play the bad guy? She found herself unable to hate him, there was only heartache.

         She was his light. He always pushed her to live a life of purity under the sun. But what about him? He struggled alone in darkness and despair, fighting his own demons and villainizing himself. Ava collapsed into a weeping heap beside Asher's still body.

         She grasped the corner of Asher's clothes.

         "You big meanie!" she cried.

         "Why are you so stupid? You're the biggest idiot I've ever met!"

         If Asher's diary had not fallen, and she was not curious, she would've never found out. Then would she have continued to live in this world wronging Asher? Would she really have married a man who treated her well?

         "You big idiot," were the first words Asher heard as he roused.

         Wasn't he dead? He could feel his left sleeve weighed down and moist. Groaning, he tilted his head to find Ava weeping. He blinked.

         "Haha," he maniacally laughed out, "this isn't a bad way to die."

         So he loved her so much that she'd even appear in his dreams after his death. It wasn't a bad way to die at all.

         "You idiot! You're not dead! I fed you the antidote!"

         Ava didn't understand him at all. Her heart was in pain because she could not understand why he had to be so dumb, why he suffered quietly and alone. He could've just told her those deeds their adoptive father had done.

         She had almost missed him, and sent him to hell with that pill. If she hadn't been reluctant in the end to kill him and fed him the antidote, he would truly be dead.

         "I love you, you idiot!"

         Asher blinked. These were the words Asher had always wanted to hear, even in his dreams. But he couldn't reply with the words threatening to burst. His heart was yelling the most earnest wishes into his years, saying I love you too! But he could not. She was married, was she not? They even had a child on the way. He couldn't taint her.

         Happiness and bliss were right before him, but he couldn't reach for it. He couldn't ruin her reputation. Asher closed his eyes and sat up. His eyes became covered with melancholy. She had just told him, she loved him. Only God knew how thrilled he was when he heard that sentence.

         "Well, I don't." He gritted eyes cold.

         Ava never expected her passionate declaration of love to be doused by cold water. It was written in his diary that he loved her did he not?

         Seeing Ava look so forlorn, he couldn’t help but explain, "Ava, no matter how I feel, you have to understand it's not realistic for us to be together. You'll be condemned for running from your husband while you're pregnant."

         Ava laughed, "It was an illusion, you idiot!"

         Her voice softened, "I want to be with you, so Asher, please don't reject me anymore okay?"

         There were so many turns and twists. Asher's heart shook and the word 'okay' clawed its way from his heart, up his throat, to his lips. Was it really alright for him to accept? The love he had been chasing for years was requited?

         "Okay," he whispered.

         Asher's bones ached in pain from his fall, but he forced himself to stand. Pulling Ava into his arms, he pressed her tightly into his chest. That wasn't enough. He increased the pressure pressing her into his frame. It was the best feeling ever; like holding the whole world in his arms.

         “I love you too.”