One Last Step

Two thousand, three hundred and forty seven days. Long enough to miss six birthdays, to miss first steps and words, to miss laughs and tears, it feels like a long time.

It wasn’t long enough.

“The captain wants you on the bridge,” Ayda says, startling me out of my musings. I turn quickly from the screen I was staring at. Ignorant of our desperate need, the cold monitor steadily strobes red with each failed simulation, each pulse hitting me like a physical blow. Deep bags under my eyes, I barely nod my head. Another quick glance at the communication I just received ignites another round of internal debate, but I turn away again.

I follow her through the tight corridors that have been our home; for a moment I feel like the walls are collapsing in on me and I stumble. Ayda reacts quickly and catches my arm to steady me. She looks into my eyes and behind the fear that is affecting each of us is that same spark of care and concern that she’s maintained through this whole mission. “Thanks,” I mumble.

“When was the last time you slept, Derrek?” she asks gently.

“I-I don’t remember, I don’t have the luxury of sleep.”

She sighs, face marred with understanding and a bit of hopelessness, but it’s quickly replaced with a steely gaze. “I will be advising the captain after this meeting to confine you to your cabin until you get a few hours of sleep.”

“Ayda, we have less than fifteen days, I don’t have time to…”

“Derrek,” she snaps forcefully, shutting me up. “We all believe in you, but we need you at your best. A few hours will not be the end of the world.” It might be, I think to myself, but knowing she’s probably right I just nod again satisfying her.

We walk the rest of the distance to the bridge in silence as I continue to contemplate the simulations, running through every possible thing that I haven’t tried, also attempting to keep my mind from jumping to the communication and what it might say. Finally, we make it to the bridge doors and they open up immediately for us. I’ve only been on the bridge a few times, the rest of my time being spent in the laboratory, but each visit has taken my breath away. A massive window gives us an unrestricted view of our solar system we are flying through at over a hundred thousand miles per hour. On the deck are two overwhelmingly complicated consoles allowing the ship to be piloted by the two men in front of us now. They appear to be locked in a heated conversation when we enter, but immediately straighten up as we walk in. “Thanks for coming, Doctor,” Captain Cole greets me.

“Please Cole, I think under the circumstances we have reached the point where we can be on a first name basis.”

Slightly nodding, but not correcting himself he continues. “We are on track to reach Mercury within the next day or so leaving us just enough time to gather what we can, and reach our target before the deadline.”

“But?” I ask, sensing hesitation.

He takes a second contemplating his words carefully. “But, Brennan isn’t sure we will have enough power to stop at Mercury and still make the return trip home.”

That freezes me, and I look over at Brennan only seeing anger and resignation in his eyes. “What does that mean for us?” I ask, unwilling to believe that after all this we might not make it home anyways.

“I believe that I can still get us back with some tricky flying,” he responds confidently. Brennan tries to speak up, but he shuts him down before he can say anything. “We just need to know if the stop at Mercury is necessary. It will be incredibly risky, but your success is the key to this whole mission.”

I look down thinking of every failed simulation since Venus. I’m so close, but it feels like I’m missing something. No one says a word letting me process all of my thoughts, until I look up with as determined a gaze as I can muster. “Make the stop and I will succeed.”

Cole smiles slightly, it’s a bit of a sad smile, but he taps a few things into the console and turns back to me. “We will be there in about eighteen hours, make whatever preparations you need. I believe in you Derrek.” Ayda steps forward and whispers in his ear quickly prompting another nod. “But first, you need to rest. We all need to be at our best for this final stretch.” I think about arguing again but one look at Ayda and I agree. Just as I turn to leave, Brennan grabs my shoulder stopping me.

“Can you do this?” he asks, almost pleading with me.

“I have to.”

He stares me down a little longer then waves me away, “Go get some rest. We will harvest as much as we can quickly, and you aren’t needed until after that.”

I dip my chin, the energy being tangibly sapped from me when I think about finally laying down to sleep. My cabin looks spotless from lack of use and I collapse onto the sheets, not even bothering to pull off my clothes. I drift off as formulas and calculations race through my mind until the last moment where everything finally quiets.

I wake up to Ayda shaking my shoulders, “Derrek!”

“What, what?!” I yell flying out of bed.

“You slept through a collision with an asteroid so I figured I needed to be a bit forceful,” she claims with a smirk.

“An asteroid?! Is everything ok?”

“Just some minor damage to the delivery cannon, I fixed it up. There should be no problems. The collection probes will be returning from Mercury within the next thirty minutes or so. Whatever preparations you need to make you should do it now.” With that she leaves me alone in the cabin. Shaking off the grogginess, I spend the time I have left making sure every machine, supply, and note is in place so I won’t waste any time once the materials are brought to me. Each planet we visited all the way out to Neptune has brought me a step closer to the solution, hopefully Mercury holds the final piece. I pass the final precious minutes watching back my most treasured possession. A video of Leah playing with our son in the backyard brings me to tears immediately. His laugh makes all of my worries melt away as I am enraptured with images of the son I’ve never met. I’m unable to resist glancing at the last communication I received from her. Without thinking I reach towards the single sheet of paper, but before I am able to grab it Ayda comes bursting into the lab probes in tow. Thoughts of reading what it says flee from my mind as the timer starts to the end of our mission.

I can’t fail.

Days of analysis pass, trying to isolate new potential elements that may make the difference. No one disturbs me except to bring me food, as I work without pause singly focused on finding what I’m looking for. After five days I have begun experimenting with the new elements, building on the framework I have been creating for six years. The constant strobing of red returns as I run simulations for every new iteration, each new discovery leads to mini breakthroughs as I feel myself getting closer and closer to completing the puzzle. Frustration begins to bubble over resulting in thrown materials and bellowed curses as every failure feels less like a direction to work on and more like a death sentence. As time begins growing short, the crew visits me more and more, praying they will find me celebrating the solution that will save all of our lives, but I continually disappoint them.

Then three days before the immutable deadline, I’m about to pass out in my chair, eyes bloodshot and bleary, reconfiguring the most recent iteration in anticipation of another failed simulation. A slight change in the screen barely catches my attention causing me to turn and look at it. Immediately, I drop everything and stumble over to look at it closer, afraid I’ve lost my mind due to lack of sleep.

A green screen.

I frantically re-run the simulation three times to confirm the results and they come back successful each and every time. For a moment I just stare at the monitor unblinking, fearing if I close my eyes it will all just be an elaborate and cruel daydream, but I blink and the green remains. Unable to contain my euphoria I stand up and whoop at the top of my lungs knocking years of painstaking research and discovery all around the small room. We have a chance.

After finally coming back to myself, I sprint full speed to the bridge to share the news. Cole happens to be facing me when I enter, face wide with a smile, and it’s like a mountain is lifted off of him. Years of tension and fear leave him in an instant. Brennan, sensing the change, turns to me and shouts at the sight of my grin, jumping around the deck pumping his fists. Ayda joins us a few moments later, hugging me so tight I fear she may crack a rib. “Thank you,” she whispers to me, tears streaming down her face onto my back.

Allowing ourselves the moment of unadulterated joy, we eventually settle back down. “Okay,” Cole interjects, refocusing us. “Derrek, how long until everything is ready to go?”

“I can have the compound synthesized and ready to launch in fourteen hours.”

“Perfect! Ayda, how is the delivery cannon?”

“As far as I can tell it is in peak condition.” she responds confidently. “Most of the compromised material was outside the ship, so I haven’t been able to check it over completely, but I’ve run every test and checked every part that I can.”

“Excellent.”

“How long until we reach our destination?” I ask.

“Approximately forty-six hours. The last six and a half years have come down to this moment. The fate of everything we know rests on our shoulders, and I wouldn’t want to entrust this mission to anyone else. Get your minds right, the next few days decide the future. Let’s save the sun!”

The ship is unusually quiet the next two days. We all mostly keep to ourselves preparing for our individual roles. Once I’ve synthesized the compound and prepared the delivery device, there’s not much left for me to do but wait anxiously for the most important moment of my life.

After hours of rechecking the simulation countless times, Ayda finally finds me in the lab. “It’s time.”

I follow her to the deck where we grab the communication devices we will be using for coordination, and we head to our places, grim determination emanating from each of us.

Though my role won’t become relevant until the end of our orbit around the sun, I still choose to prepare the device and set up at the cannon, unwilling to risk waiting. I can’t help on the bridge anyways.

The hum of the heat shield has been a constant companion for the last twelve hours, but a few minutes after I’ve set up, the hum begins to intensify to whole new levels. “Entering the higher heat levels of the Corona.” I hear Ayda say over the comms. “Shield holding strong.”

Outside of a brief shudder that almost sent our entire crew into cardiac arrest, the trip through the corona is uneventful. Finally, we all breathe a collective sigh of relief when Cole announces we have reached the Chromosphere. The next part of the trip is all on Cole and Brennan, and the comms stay mostly quiet as they navigate us around the circumference of the sun maintaining the delicate balancing act of keeping us inside the much cooler Chromosphere while not getting too close that we don’t have the power to escape its gravitational pull.

Hours pass by slowly, every sound is the heat shield failing, every crackle over the comms is Cole telling us we aren’t going to make it. Thirty five excruciating hours later, a different call comes over the comms. “Get ready Derrek, we are nearing the optimal range for delivery.”

My heart instantly accelerates dangerously, but I respond in the affirmative and prepare myself to launch the last chance for humanity. Opening the delivery cannon I gingerly place the device inside careful not to disturb any part of the explosive. Once it’s locked inside, I sit and wait. Each second is agonizing, I feel sweat dripping down my face into my eyes, but I refuse to blink unwilling to miss the moment Cole calls for me. A couple minutes pass by feeling like hours, when finally I hear the call, “Launch it Derrek!” I immediately follow the procedure to arm the explosive and the timer begins its countdown. Then taking a deep breath I hit the button for launch.

Nothing happens.

I hit the button again, nothing happens. Panic takes over and I scream into the comms “The cannon isn’t launching!”

“What?!” Ayda calls back in a similar panic. “I’m on my way!”

I try everything I can think of while the timer continues to tick downwards, but nothing works. Ayda arrives huffing and immediately gets to work trying to fix it. I disarm the explosive and take it out while she curses at herself and the cannon trying to diagnose the issue. After a couple of minutes I can see the hopelessness begin to take over her even though she keeps trying.

“Guys we don’t have long until we are out of range, you are running out of time,” Cole states over the comms, I can hear the fear lurking beneath his attempt at calm. I look at Ayda frantically trying everything in her power to get the cannon working and I realize what has to be done. Quickly and quietly I make my way to the airlock knowing that Ayda would try to stop me if she knew what I was planning. With shaking hands I set down the device and start putting on the x-suit. I fumble the clasps multiple times, my survival instincts fighting every action my body is taking. When I finally secure myself in the suit I realize I haven’t been listening to the comms. “Derrek, come in! Where are you?!”

“I’m fixing the problem Cole. Just make sure you continue away from the blast as planned.”

“Derrek, what are you doing?” Ayda asks, panic being replaced with concern. A few seconds of silence gives everyone time to process what I said. “Derrek, wait. I can still fix the cannon, you don’t have to do this!”

“I’m the only one who knows how to arm the device, and we are running out of time. We only have two hours until the expansion reaches a point of irreparable damage. I need all that time to get close enough to throw the device to an effective range. I have to do this now.”

After a stabilizing breath, I hit the button to close the airlock. Right after it closes I see Ayda running to me through the window, tears streaming down her face. “Derrek, please don’t do this. We will find another way!”

I give her a small smile. “I’ll still be on the comms, keep me company?”

She gears up to argue, but another look at me and she nods, “Of course.”

Tears pool in my eyes too as I take one last look at the ship. Then before I can change my mind I slam the button and turn to face the cause of all this. Immediately mesmerized, I take a last step onto the edge of the airlock and gaze up at the immense star. My whole vision is filled, its size incomprehensible. For a quick moment, I close my eyes and imagine myself in the last video Leah sent me. I see my son rolling in the grass, the dying monstrosity in front of me replaced with a sun pleasantly illuminating this small moment of joy. I hear Cole and Brennan’s yelling voices in the background, but nothing can steal this moment. The tension floods out of me replaced with a sense of peace. Finally, I open my eyes and launch out into space.

I have about an hour of travelling at full speed before I can start the timer on the device, and after calming Cole and Brennan down we spend the time reminiscing on our mission. We laugh, cry, and just enjoy the camaraderie we’ve built ignoring the looming goodbye. Eventually, I reach my destination, stop the jets, and re-arm the device. With an hour to accept what’s about to happen, I don’t even hesitate to launch the device as hard as I can towards the core. Without firing the jets full speed away from the sun, gravity pulls me noticeably closer, and I just allow it to take me nearer to the surface. “The device is armed and away. We have about six minutes until detonation.” That quiets everyone down. For our remaining moments, we sit in silence unwilling to say goodbye.

“We will make sure that everyone remembers you. You are a hero Derrek. Thank you.” Cole assures me, a rare note of emotion sneaking into his voice.

“Ayda can you do something for me?”

“Anything,” she responds soberly.

“On my desk in the lab is a communication, can you read me what it says?”

Just a few seconds later I hear her clear her throat. “All it says is ‘He is going to be ok.’”

A happy sob escapes my lips and I scream into the endless abyss as a great white light flashes behind me.