Message In A Book

I need to go. I need to go.

I need to escape this place.

This wretched, cursed place.

I need to be there.

I need to tell her.

But they are keeping me here.

These demons, they are trying to change me.

I don’t need to change.

It’s them who need to change.

I’m exactly who I’m supposed to be.

Why am I hurting?

The book. I am holding the book.

It’s so tightly pressed against my chest.

Perhaps if I press it further it will become one with my flesh.

I have to protect it.

I open a door. No, that’s not it.

I need to be quick now that that damn guard has their attention elsewhere.

Another door. That’s not it either.

Where is the exit? These damned pills they’ve been giving me make everything so foggy.

Maybe this one? Fresh air, freedom at last.

The grass tickles my feet, but I must hurry.

I need to escape before they notice me.

They’ll lock me up again if they do.

In this wretched, cursed place.

I’m perfectly normal, there’s nothing wrong with me.

What’s that in my hand? A book?

That’s right, I must not lose it.

I need to take it back, it’s already overdue.

Which way is it? Which way, you damn pills?

North? No, west. That’s where I need to go.

I walk and walk and walk but nothing looks familiar.

It has to be this way, it has to.

I need to return the book, she’s been waiting for it.

She’s been waiting for my message.

I need to tell her that I’ll never change.

I cross a shallow river.

Was there always a river in the city?

No matter, I will cross mountains if I have to.

For her. For us.

I would cross hell as many times as needed.

A man is approaching me, he could be one of them.

I am not going back to that wretched place, that cursed place.

Especially not before getting the book back to its place.

They call for me, but I keep walking fast.

They’ll never catch me. There’s nothing wrong with me.

I jump on a bus to escape.

I have no money for the fare, but the driver nods and lets me in.

The man does not follow. I am free for now.

What is that in my hand?

Oh, my book. Our book. I need to get it back.

My feet are still wet from crossing the river.

My heart still beats fast from escaping that man.

I cannot remember where I am supposed to go.

Damn pills, everything is foggy, everything is out of reach.

Except for her face, they can never erase that.

What’s that against my chest?

That’s right, the book.

The book that means so much to the both of us.

I must not fail her, I must not.

I open it and read what I have written.

I don’t recognize these buildings.

Damn pills, you will not stop me from being with her.

I need help, but I cannot trust anyone.

They want me to change, they want to keep us apart.

But I need to take my chances. Maybe there’s one.

The library? I tell him, he should know.

He says names I’ve never heard before.

Damn pills, The library, I say again.

He goes quiet and just smiles at me, apologetic.

He says it’ll be another 15 minutes, he’ll let me know.

I sit down and notice my feet are wet.

How strange, it’s sunny outside.

Was I holding something? Wasn’t I holding our book?

Oh, it’s on my lap.

It almost feels warm laying there, as if it were a beating heart.

I haven’t seen her in so long, she must be worried.

She must think I have abandoned her.

The thought is unbearable, it surges through me like electricity.

It’s even worse than the treatments.

I can endure everything, but not her being sad. No.

Is she still waiting for me, I wonder.

How long has it even been? When was I supposed to return the book?

Two weeks ago? A month?

Damn pills, I cannot remember.

But I know she’s waiting, as I would have. Forever.

I wish I could see her face.

Maybe she really is there, in the library, waiting for me to return the book.

How lucky I would be, how blessed.

But I’ll be happy if she just gets the book.

If she just gets my message. My love.

We are here, the driver says to me.

Where is here, those damn pills make everything so foggy.

The library, he quickly adds.

That’s right. I clench the book against my chest and I get off.

I don’t recognize the buildings, which one is it?

Which one, which one?

There! The one with the big entrance.

I try to cross the road but furious honking cuts me off.

Where did that come from?

Damn pills, damn fog.

I must try again, I need to get there.

This time I make it across.

I must not draw any more attention or they’ll find me.

I must return the book, I need to.

Quick, I have to climb the stairs.

One step, there are so many.

Two steps, why are they so high?

Three, I feel sweat running down my back.

Four, it hurts all over.

Five, I need to make it to the top, but there so many.

Who is that little girl running around me? I can’t see her face.

That’s right my classmate, my best friend. Connie? Carrie.

She’s running up the stairs, she says we need to get back to the classroom.

She looks upset, she says we’re both girls and can’t be a couple.

That’s not fair, that’s not true. I need to sit down.

It’s so sunny and bright, but why are my feet wet?

Did it rain earlier?

What’s that in my hand? A book?

Where am I? Why am I sitting at the stairs?

Why can’t I remember?

A book? The book!

The library. She’s waiting for me to return it.

I need to send her the message.

I need to tell her that I haven’t forgotten about her.

I need to return the book, right now.

I made it inside, it’s quite dark.

Has it always been this dark?

The book, I need to return the book.

I spot the reception, there should be a librarian there.

There, he’s rearranging some files. That’s my chance.

Excuse me, I tell him, I need to return this book.

I leave it on the desk and he approaches to take a look.

Why isn’t he speaking? What’s the matter?

Oh no, have they already been notified that I escaped?

No that can’t be. I need to keep my calm.

I need to return this book, I repeat a bit louder

Doesn’t he understand, it’s important?

She needs to get my message.

Maybe it’s because I have no money for the fee, that should be it.

How long is it overdue, I don’t even know, damn pills.

I try to beg him, I’ll bring the money just please put the book back to its place.

He tries to tell me something, but he chews his words.

He looks scared? I can’t tell, you damn pills.

Please take the book, she must get my message.

Please, before they take me back to that wretched place, please.

Another man comes to the desk. This one’s smiling.

Thank you for bringing it back, he says, do not worry about the fee.

You can go put it back yourself, it’s this way.

He walks to the end of the room and shows me some shelves.

Finally, finally it’s almost done.

It’s even darker between the bookshelves, but my heart feels brighter than ever.

All I have to do is put it back and she’ll take my message.

But I’m so late, I don’t know how long it’s been.

I put the book the book back, tucking it nicely between the others.

Please, please, please tell me that she’s waited for me.

I hear a sweet voice behind me, could it be?

I turn around, but it’s so dark, who is there?

Wait, this face, the black eyes, the brown, curly hair, the lips.

It’s her! It really is her. My Lizzie. She’s waited.

Tears are running down my cheeks as I run into her embrace.

Nothing will keep us apart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jason had always wanted to work in a library. It wasn’t a big dream, but it was all he ever wanted. He always felt safe hidden between stories and characters. Adventure stories, fantasy tales, psychological dramas, comedies, crime mysteries, all the range of emotions was offered to him in a library. Everything he ever wanted to experience and so much more.

It had been a quiet day. A rather dull one, even. He was told it tended to be like that during the summer. A great period for a rookie like himself to learn the ropes of this place. His first week, was uneventful. A few overdue books, but nothing really out of the ordinary. He naively assumed his second week would be similar.

When the old lady came in, he barely even noticed her. Nothing seemed off until she called him to his desk. As he approached he finally started to see. The dress underneath her coat was nothing but  floral night gown and she was wearing slippers with dirty, wet socks but didn’t seem to care. She just kept pointing at some sort of note book she had left on the desk asking over and over to return it.

He was at a complete loss. The thought of her being an eccentric rich lady crossed his mind. He had heard there were plenty of them in the big cities after all. But he quickly disregarded it as childish. That lady was very obviously confused. He took a look at the notebook she was pointing at. An old agenda. What was he even supposed to do with that, he wondered. The old lady looked so scared, but all that came out of his mouth were fragmented words. He was just as helpless as she was.

As another Deus Ex Machina, his colleague Markus must have heard his prayers, because at that exact moment he came back from his lunch break. He spoke with such confidence as if he had practiced the words a hundred times. He took the old agenda, handed it back to the old lady and gently led her to one of the bookshelves. When he came back, however, he wasn’t as calm.

“Jason, hand me the phone, quickly!” he whispered harshly. At that point Jason realized that he had been standing frozen during the entire ordeal. They both reached for the desk, a couple of scared wild animals, when they heard the sound of hurried footsteps. A woman in her forties barged in, in a way under normal circumstances would have been unacceptable in a library. But as far as Jason could understand, these weren’t normal circumstances.

“Sophie! I was about to call you. How did you know she’s here?” Markus rushed to her.

“She is? Oh, thank God” the woman was trembling. “I’m so sorry Markus, I can’t believe she did it again. A bus driver reported dropping her off.”

“Don’t worry about that. All that matters is that she is alright.” Markus put his hand on her shoulder. “Let me take you to her.”

After about 20 minutes things had started to return to normal. Jason couldn’t help but be thankful that there weren’t any visitors in the library that day. The old lady kept whimpering, calling the younger woman Lizzie. The woman (Lizzie? Sophie?) eventually managed to calm her down. Her incoherent protests about going back to a so-called “wretched place” stopped and she became more cooperative. Markus and the woman with the two names had finally managed to get her outside with the intention of getting her into the woman’s car. All that was now left in the library that indicated that something out of the ordinary had just happened was the old agenda on the reception desk.

All Jason could do was stare at it in awe. Markus must have brought it back here to give it to Sophie/Lizzie but was forgotten in all the ruckus. Jason was alone in his post, so he couldn’t go outside to return it. All he could now do was stare and wonder. What was so special about an old agenda? Why was the old lady so protective of it and why did she want to leave it here, in a library? What story was hidden in its pages?

His hands moved before his mind could protest, his fingers flipping around the pages. Just names and telephone numbers, some appointments, nothing extraordinary. What was he even looking for? Perhaps, he was wrong and there was nothing to be found. His friends always told him that he is a hopeless romantic. And then at the last page, something drew his attention. A small note written in shaky handwriting. It simply read, I love you.

“Hey, sorry I’m late” Markus had come back to the reception without Jason noticing. He quickly closed the agenda feeling his cheeks going red.

“I had to run to the shop to get a pair of socks for the old lady.” Markus didn’t seem to notice Jason’s change of demeanor. “Apparently she stepped in a puddle when she ran away from home. At least that’s what a neighbor, who saw her when she boarded the bus to get here, reported.”

“Uhmmm…Markus” Jason hesitated, but couldn’t resist “Who was she?”

“I guess I should have warned you about that.” Markus ruffled his hair looking apologetic. “It hadn’t happened in a while, so I thought…”

He sat next to Jason and sighed. “The lady has dementia.”

“That much I understood.” Jason nodded. “I was just wondering…” he pointed at the agenda, but then quickly changed his mind. “I suppose, I shouldn’t pry.”

“Well, it’s actually a pretty touching story.” Markus half-smiled.

“When I first started to work here that old lady used to come by every day. She would simply walk around and look at the books. She just seemed calm around them. Then gradually I noticed that she was becoming more disoriented. At first she was just forgetting my name once in a while, nothing major. But then one day she showed up wearing a winter coat and gloves in the middle of the summer. It was really bizarre seeing her like that.” Markus paused to take a sip out of his water bottle. “After since that, her daughter Sophie brings her here to watch over her.”

“So, that woman was her daughter?” Jason was starting to feel that they were exiting the realm of concern and entering that of gossip – Markus certainly had a reputation for being unable to keep his mouth shut- but his curiosity had a firm grasp around him at this point. “And her name is Sophie, not Lizzie?”

“Yes. Lizzie was her wife. Apparently Sophie is her spitting image, which is why sometimes Nora, the old lady, thinks she is actually Lizzie.” Markus leaned in closer, lowering his voice a bit. “Lizzie passed away about a decade ago.”

Jason, frowned as he remembered his own grandfather on the day his grandma died.

“And what’s with the agenda? Oh, and that place she was mumbling about?”

“She sure caught your attention, didn’t she?” Markus laughed softly. “Back in the day, things were even rougher than now. Their families realized that Nora and Lizzie had a relationship they forbade them from seeing each other. They weren’t even allowed to leave their houses unescorted. Which is why they came up with a system.” he pointed at the agenda, “They would borrow books from the library and hide messages in them, for each other to find. That’s how they kept in touch. Week after week one would borrow a book and the other would take it next. So they kept in touch being undetected for a while…” Markus’ expression became a bit more stern before he continued.

“Eventually somebody ratted them out and Nora’s parents put her in a psychiatric asylum. You know, for this conversion therapy nonsense. At some point she escaped and ran away with Lizzie.” He took another sip. Jason assumed that this time he did it to ease his frustration, rather than his thirst. “Her dementia has been deteriorating lately, and she thinks the nurse that looks after her when Sophie’s at work, works in fact for that asylum. Sophie’s been really upset about that.”

He looked at the entrance before he turned to Jason. “She has ran away from the house a couple of times now, believing they are holding her against their will, and tried to come here to return a book with a message for Lizzie.” He nodded towards the agenda, “Or whatever resembles a book, anyway.”

Jason leaned back, deep into his chair, taking in what he had just heard.

He had always wanted to work in a library. He felt that the stories hidden in a library could offer him every range of emotion imaginable. Yet he didn’t expect that such a story was hidden outside the pages of the books.

“Sophie said they’ll be her back on Saturday for a visit. Let’s keep the agenda in the drawer and giveit back to them then.” Markus got up as a couple of visitors entered. Normality had returned.

Jason picked up the agenda and opened the drawer, but he momentarily paused. He hesitated as he searched for a pen. The faces of Nora, Sophie, Lizzie who had never even met, as well as his own grandparents flashed before his eyes. He opened the agenda and left a little note, before storing it in the drawer.

I love you, too.