A Month Ago

28th May, 2016

2030

Damnit, this journal is too small for it. Reg has been teasing me about it and lo! I did it. Finally. Cherry burst. But the gentlemanly father that I have might not really like me talking this way, but what the hell, I do not really like Natalie, o I? Yeah, I believe I do not. But oh my god! She is so beautiful when she cries. I am not sure if I am supposed to say that or girls are supposed to look beautiful while doing that. Reg had warned me girls will talk or be clueless, but this was totally unexpected. Score to you mate, score to you, you did it fine, just fine. Dad would be proud eh? Yeah, I think so. No wait, I know so. Of course, he would be? Would I not be proud if (and that is a big if) I had a son who if he were in the same situation, would kiss his girl gently after wiping out her tears? I think that was brave. Did not feel so clueless as I did otherwise. I think I liked it. 

No, what? Bang and done! There is nothing more to it now, I must not be fooling myself with it. Reg did not tell me anything about it. But fatty did. Fatty had warned me. I am not sure, I am gonna go sleep now. Sleep might fix things. 

30th May, 2016

2001

Natalie does look beautiful suddenly. Am I an idiot or what? Come on, that is a bro. I think she did smile at me once. She had stood there waiting for me to come to her. Reg saved me, but my head must be going crazy. I mean, why would I want to talk to her again? Reg says I need to go at it again, go at it with her or some other pretty chick. Fatty says I might be seeing the hearts. Reg and I are thinking of excommunicating him from the gang, yes. What a wuss! 

PS: She did look beautiful though today, did she not? That terrible glow. 

04th June, 2016

2109

*Terrific glow.

What the hell? Dad took me to the massage place. I was like, "okay, sure that would help me get her out of my mind too." Of course, I did not say it to him! Internal monologue. Just a line. Morbid! I called up Reg but he was nutting someone I think. I thought of calling up Fatty too, but that loser might have then made me give in to this! Dad came up then. 

I had dreams of there being soft and delicate female hands for the massage but apparently, men do men and women do women here. Not complaining though, the guy did good work on me. For that time, I did forget everything. 

06th June, 2016

1730

Good god, I am not going at it again with her, hell no! Yeah, it was fun. No! It was not fun if I have to keep thinking of her all the time after it. Lord! Reg made a pass at three of the girls today, and I knew I could do it like him, but my head instinctively turned for Nat. I think she was reading The Book Thief then. 

No! No more talks of her Timothy. You are sixteen. You still have a lot of time for easy self-control. Do it!

11th June, 2016

2130

Yeah, I blew it up today, didn't I? Reg talked shit about Nat and I had to slam him across his face. With the punch, I knew I was inviting big trouble from that hulk of a brute. I did get beat up, but Nat came to save me. I felt like a pussy. A pussy! 

We went to the dispensary in the rain. I have my lower lip cut in two places and a third I think is going to burst out too. But I did give that insolent ass a good eye din't I, eh? 

I did come out to Natalie, and she smiled. 

I hate to say it. But I don't. She looked beautiful even today, under the rain. 

It felt good to have her back against me. Reg can go nut himself to death for all I care. Fatty and I excommunicated him. 

18th June, 2016

2047

Say what! Yeah. Fatty got a girl too. Marissa. Yeah, the one! I didn't believe it at first either. But well, the guy is really lucky. That is the star of the Riverdale Tree. Woot woot! I think we should form a gang, us four. I will talk to Fatty about it, and I am sure he will be excited about it. 

I never talked to Marissa, come to think of it. I have talked to a lot of girls there, but never Marissa. Nat told me she stays aloof and can see deep into people so she knows most of us are just, plain shit. 

Well, I agree with her on that. I guess that is how Fatty got lucky too. I will ask him how he did it. 

*I shall ask...

22nd June, 2016

1759

I did ask him. He says he was eating his jelly sandwich and Marissa happened to pass by. She smiled at him and he got clumsy. The sandwich fell on him. Then she came to him and picked it up, and ate it! 

Honestly, he is just trying to be a smartass. I am sure nothing like that happened, but still, how? I saw them holding hands today and that made me hold Nat's hand too. 

About the ganging up, yeah, he was excited, but he told me he wants to take it slow with his girl, give it time. Still a wuss, that kid. 

26th June, 2016

2137

I think this time, Nat and I "made love" to each other, you know? It feels, odd, but I have heard dad say the same for all the women he was with before mom, and he always gets so emotional at that. So I think that is right, and we did make love, did we not? She is with me now, I am with her. This was infinitely better than the last time we did the same thing, but with a different mind and probably less heart. She did not cry this time but held on to me like a soft toy monkey with velcro on the paws. I did kiss my lady. I even up-topped dad today when I came back home.

Wow. It hasn't been long but things did change. A month ago, and now.