A Phone Call

A sudden phone call disturbs my contemplation and brings me back to reality from which I desperately want to escape. It was my grandma, asking me to visit her the next day to collect important articles for a party at our place.                 

As I was returning back to my world, my daydreaming breaks with the sound of the door being slammed, a middle aged woman enters.     

Who called you?

She will again begin her unnecessary ramblings, talks that mean nothing.

Grandma, I guess.

What's wrong with him? Can he not be friendly?

What did she say?

This is so dull.

Just usual things.

Did she mention about the articles for the party?

I need those articles, if mother doesn't provide, I will have to buy them.

Do you need it?

What did she say?

Do you need it?

Did she say she will come for the party?

Do you need it?

I am not dependent on others, how much is the cost?

Can she not answer my question directly?

Do you need it?

We don't owe them anything. I know we are not liked by others, a woman bringing up her children on her own. I know I am not the best mother but I try my best.

What is she talking about? She has gone mad.

Do you need the articles?

If they hate us then let them. I also don't need anyone.

I am losing my patience, I am asking you a question. Answer me.

They must really dislike us.

Do you need articles?

The family is getting together, I will buy it. How much is the cost?

I can't control myself.

Why is he keeps asking me the same question? I need those articles, he knows that. What's wrong with him? Why is he so rude? Did I missed something when I brought him up?

Do you need some articles?

I do everything I can on my own for him, I have worked so hard, yet he doesn't show even a bit of affection for me. What is wrong with him? Is he involved with those naughty boys? He is almost 18 now. 

Max, do you hate your own mother?

Why is she asking that question again? She thinks too much. She is a weak character, she needs external validations, why can you not believe in yourself more.

What makes you say that?

I brought you up, was it all for this? So that you could hate me?

My life is miserable, it's my fault, I did not know what was right when I was younger. A handsome man comes up and I fall for him without knowing who that asshole really is. Now, I have lived almost 18 years on my own, was it all for this? When will this pain be over? God, help me. I can't bear it anymore.

Calm down...

What do you mean calm down?

We must talk calmly.

This is dragging on too much. I hate her. She is too negative. I try to change her but she doesn't want to listen. Is it my fault? This is not the worst part of it, the old hag talks to herself constantly, all day, while I say almost absolutely nothing to her, except in the rare moments, during dinner. That unendurable rage I have to suffer through. I have my exams soon. I need to study.

No! Why do you hate me?

What?

Looks like I have upset her again, God! She will cry now, I can't take this. When did I say I hate her? She is too sensitive. I hate myself. I won't be able to study anymore. God! Save me from this toxic hell. I think I am the one who is toxic here, a parasite leeching her out. I am sorry, I am shallow to the marrow of my bones. I will go away when I can afford on my own. Just a few more months, God! Help me.

What's wrong with you?

I remember my dad dying before my eyes, he had stopped eating for sometimes. I saw him watch me with those hollow eyes, they were piercing into my soul, I have nightmares about those eyes. I had to run away from home, It was toxic. I was homeless for a while, then a nice person helped me out. He took advantage of me then left. I had to find a job on my own. I don't trust others anymore. Everyone has ulterior motives, all gifts no matter how selfless they seem, carry with them an unnamed intention behind them.

We were talking about articles, do you need them?

What?

I am losing my patience.

Please, at least answer my question directly. I have been asking you to answer just one question. Do you need articles?

NO! I DON'T NEED THEM.

She goes out of the room in rage. I am not going to say anything anymore. She is going to break down again and cry her heart out. Tears are important, let it console her. What is pain but an obstacle to overcome. It is the pain that makes us human. Man can never completely erase the sadness in his heart, because we live as we dream, alone. Heartbreaks are important, it is the human nature to pursue more pain after getting out of a pain.

Interesting, I must write it down before a phone call bothers me again.

Alas for our foolish human nature! We make mistakes and have extraordinary hopes from others. We think it is the other that makes us whole. Mom must learn on her own that she can live without me. I am not the reason for the wounds.

Our beliefs, hopes often dictate our reason that sway our emotions and actions. False hope is clung to with all one's might and main, till a day comes when our heart breaks, it is not because of others but for our own foolishness. I must say, all man, big or small ruin themselves by their own hands. After the heartbreak comes the misery of awakening to the reality, and then, again a longing to get back into the maze once more. Alas! We are human, and nothing human must be alien from us.