The Bittersweet Feelings of Lockdown

What is today, I wonder as I stare out my window. Rain drops slide down the window pane. In twos, in threes. I predict which would get to the end of the pane faster. I'm correct most of the time. I've been doing this since the lockdown began ...three, four months ago? I don't care to check anymore. I've basically been living the same day everyday since. Seating cross-legged on my bed in grey sweats and socks, close to the window, I watch it rain. Pour, actually. The lockdown is relaxing, so I can see people running for shelter. The sky is a very dark grey and looks terribly gloomy. Memories of when I was young and would run and play in it with my little brother while my mum screamed at us to "COME IN AT ONCE OR YOU'LL GET A COLD!" surface and I smile. Now, I would rather be indoors- cosy, thank you, in my rented room outside of campus. I sigh. Wish I had gone home prior to the lockdown. Unfortunately, I couldn't due to my exams ending late. I miss my parents. I miss Gabe and his annoying behaviour of taking my things and jumping on my bed at any chance he gets. My mind goes back to the rain. I've always been a pluviophile. Love how the world seems to stop and focus on that moment. People running to get home or stopping everything else they are doing to just be in that moment. How rain inspires so many feelings like desire, inspiration, serenity, drowsiness; it's funny how something can be so loud, yet so peaceful. I pick my phone up from the edge of my magenta duvet and check the time and date. June 15th, 6:30pm. I text my girls on our group chat. They all flew home before the lockdown, which makes this even more lonely. We talk about how much we miss ourselves, snacks, family, boys, gossip, tell jokes and finally call it a night. I check the time again. 8:20pm. I should the dinner. The duvet shifts as I stand up and walk across the room to my mini-fridge. I bend to open it and pick up a bag of coconut chips and a fruit juice. This should do, I wasn't hungry anyway. I grab my laptop off the table, as I walk back to my bed. Placing the laptop on my Chemistry textbook at the foot of the bed, I watch 'Game of Thrones' while munching on chips. Eventually, I start to feel sleepy. I shut down the laptop and drop it on the floor gently to avoid standing up and losing the drowsiness. Shifting to a comfortable position, I smile and close my eyes when I realize I have to pee. My muscles were already relaxing, so tiredness was coming at me in waves. Ughhhhh! I roll my eyes and go to the restroom. Then I return and go back to bed. Now, I'm almost wide awake so I think about my ex-boyfriend, Liam, with whom I ended our relationship just before the pandemic. In a way, this lockdown is good for me. I get to heal completely and be over him by time it's over. I wake up as sun rays warm my face. Stretching as I adjust my duvet, I get up and clean my room. Then, I take a shower and have Rice Krispies for breakfast. I should call home. I video chat them and we talk, laugh and play games for an hour. When I drop my laptop, I pick up white nail polish and paint my toes, with music I'd played on my phone drifting through the room. I sing along as I paint and move my body at intervals. I decide to step out and get groceries. These are the only chances I get to dress up so I always make them count. I love fashion, to say the least. I pack my hair in a pretty bun and look at the makeup kit on my dresser. I smile as I apply foundation because this is ridiculous. A mask would be covering most of my face anyway and it's just a quick trip there and back. You know what? Whatever. I'm in a pandemic, I can dress out however I please. I lock my room and make my way outside. Feels good to be outside again. The supermarket isn't far, thank God so I could walk. I admire everything as I go. The birds chirping in the sunny afternoon, the trees slightly swaying as breeze ripples through them, the bright cumulus clouds, the weeds growing out of concrete cracks, the clothing of the few people walking past me, the colours of all the cars and houses I pass; things that one overlooked when the world was normal because we had more important things to do and places to be. If there wasn't a pandemic, this was going to be a nice summer. I walk into the store and wave at Alex, the dude that works there. I'm a regular, so we've become acquainted and even talk sometimes, but since everyone is wary of others because of Covid-19, I decide not to make him uncomfortable by making small talk today. I get fruits, vegetables and loads of snacks. I'm a junk food junkie or whatever people say to signify they love junk food with their heart and soul. I also get toiletries and tampons. I make a last minute decision to try my hand at baking so I buy a new ladle and cake ingredients. I walk up to the counter and pack my stuff, while exchanging a brief greeting with Alex. He waves goodbye as I make a futile attempt to raise my occupied hand to wave back. I smile at him instead and walk out the sliding doors. As I step into the open air, hands full of heavy grocery bags, I groan as the sun beats down on me. I hum the tune of 'A Million Dreams' from 'The Greatest Showman' as I make my way back to my place. I'm an introvert, so I love my alone time. However, I miss people and the hustle and bustle of the city and spots I hang out at with my friends. The lockdown will be over soon and life can go back to normal. I'm optimistic about that.