Peppermint Tea

‘I can’t fucking believe you didn’t tell me! Why would you hide this from me?! I thought we were a team!?’

‘ I didn’t need your permission! It’s my body and I will do what I choose!’

‘I don’t care that it’s your body! That’s my baby too! You don’t get to be selfish and make that choice without me!’ 

The sun begins to set down upon the coast. An amber hue cascades over the beach as vibrant yellow light reflects off the neighboring high-rises. Sitting high above the city in my rooftop garden throne I can feel the fleeting light kiss my face goodbye as the evening chill brushes over me. 

“I thought I’d find you up here.” Says a voice behind me. 

My eyes stay trained on the shifting waves below as purple, pink, orange and yellow hues wash up and paint the sandy beach.

“Here.” Lloyd hands me a cup of tea that emits a zesty peppermint aroma. 

“What is this? A peace offering?” I ask quietly as I clasp the mug in both hands.

  “Something like that.” He replied quietly.

I sip from the mug but refuse to look at him. Even as he rubs my knee affectionately for attention I stare long and longingly into the dreamy sky.

“I don’t forgive you, but thank you for the tea.”

He withdraws his hand.

“You’re welcome.”

“Why’d you say it? "I asked after a pause. Despite myself my voice cracks, I cross my legs and hold the mug closer to my chest.

“I was... upset. I really want a future with you and to think you’d go behind my back like that feels like you don’t.” He sounds sad, all the anger washed away leaving nothing but a soft faded echo.

“I really want this. For all the years we’ve been together it’s what I wanted our future to be.”

“And you think I don’t?” A single tear slides down my cheek and disturbs the calm surface of my tea.

“You give me reason to think so when you make these decisions without even mentioning anything.”

“Lloyd I...I want this too but I’m scared. I am so fucking scared.”

“Please Reese I don’t understand, explain to me why you’re scared if you want this as badly as I do.”

“Because look at us! Two people in their twenties' struggling to keep the sad little apartment they can barely afford. And that is just the tip of the iceberg.” The tears stream down my face as my nose starts to run.

“I’m only 21. There is so much I have to do before I can settle down.” 

“We can still do everything we want. It’ll just be harder but we can make it work.” Lloyd reaches out to caress my arms but I jump out of my lounge chair and drop my mug. The porcelain shatters loudly in the empty space between us.

“You’re not listening! I want a life before I try raising another human being! I want to be sure that we can provide. I want to do this but I don’t feel ready, I don’t think I can do this. I don’t think we are ready to do this.” My arms wrap around me tightly as my gaze falls from Lloyd’s face to the floor.

“Reese I still don’t understand why you didn’t tell me when you found out you are pregnant. We’re supposed to be in this together.”

I shake my head silently as I bite my lip.

“It was tearing me apart! The baby I want but can’t have. Knowing how painful it is to carry this...I didn’t want to burden you with it as well.” 

Lloyd rubs his face as he starts to cry. I stand on my feet shivering as I try to hold myself together.

“Jesus Christ… I was just making you feel worse. Babe I am so sorry. And you have every right to wait until you feel ready even if it means-”

I look over at him. His eyes are red and his shaven face flushed of color.

“Even if it means going to your appointment tomorrow. I’d like to go with you if you’d be ok with that.”

“I don’t need to be reminded of how selfish I’m being by you being there.”

“No, I regret saying that with every fiber of my being. You’re being smart, not selfish and if this is what you think is the right step then I am here for you every step of the way.” Lloyd reaches over and embraces me gently. I crumble and throw my arms around him, my hands clinging onto his shirt for dear life as I drown in my tears.

“You don’t get to be against me in this! I need you. Stupid idiot, I need you!”

“Does that mean this stupid idiot gets to accompany you tomorrow?”

Pathetically, I nod as he pulls away to hold my face in his rough tanned hands, his thumbs wiping away the tears.

“I’m sorry. I felt so threatened by the thought of losing the future I wanted that I completely forgot to consider your feelings about any of this.”  

As I breathe in the smell of his deodorant and imagine the bleak waiting room of the clinic I can feel a certain strength pulse through me. It’s a rather encouraging feeling.

The sun began to set. A heavenly golden glow mirrors off the ocean as the clouds halo the sun. Sitting on the window sill in my apartment building with a blanket draped lazily over my lap Lloyd brings me a cup of steaming peppermint tea. 

“How are you feeling? Still sore?” He asks as he sits across from me on the window sill.

“ Not really sore, I just feel like my period pain became a permanent resident in my uterus.”

“Gross.”

I kick his leg as I laugh.

“So what’s the plan after this? I think we should maybe find a place outside of the city. Somewhere cheaper and more...kid friendly.”

“And the millions of children in the city are just fighting for their lives everyday?” I asked with a raised brow.

“No...there’s just a lot of concrete.” He mentions casually as he sips from his own mug. Written across the smooth surface is the words “Best Dad” with the word dad crossed out. 

“You’ll make a good dad one day babe.” He holds out his mug to me and I clink mine to his.

“One day.”