When Change Lives With You For A Month

Change. A small, delicate word. Change can happen suddenly and without warning. Everything can be fine one minute, but then change flies at you, and your life becomes different. I was visited by Change. It walked in unvitiated and made itself at home. Asked what I liked to do, where I worked, who my children and husband were. Change didn't have a care in the world. It was here and it was staying.

June 2- 

"Gen!", I yelled up the stairs to my 14-year-old daughter. She was taking her time like always getting ready. I sighed and got back to making breakfast for Bets and Kade, my 7-year-old daughter and my 10-year-old son respectively. Mason, my amazing husband, already left for work. "Remember Mom I have soccer tryouts after school," Kade said softly. Bets cut in almost immediately and like any younger sibling started to tease him. "You aren't going to make it! You aren't going to make it!" Kade works hard at it, but soccer isn't his thing. I whirled around. "Bette that is not acceptable. Apologize!" She looked at me for a second and then turns to her brother. "I'm sorry Kade," she mumbles. Kade just looks at her and nods his head once. His own special way of saying it's ok. I turn back to finish plating breakfast. "You do your best Kade. That's all I ask of you." As I was putting food on the table, Gen came around the corner and gave me a small, shy smile. "Sorry Mom," she states. "It's ok honey. You are here now which means we can finally eat." I respond. 

After finishing up, I took everyone to school and came back home. Because Mason worked as a chemical engineer, I was a stay-at-home mom. I was trying to get a sewing alteration business up though, so I felt like I was helping. The first thing I needed to focus on was getting a doctor's appointment scheduled for Bets. Recently, she had been getting frequent nose bleeds and she had been losing weight drastically. Also, she had been struggling to catch her breath at times. After about a half-hour, I got an appointment scheduled for June 10, a Saturday. I cleaned up the house a little bit, and when it was finally time, I picked up the girls from school. Kade was going to ride with Carla, my best friend who also has a son around Kade's age, to the field where I would pick him up after he was done. It was supposed to be a little while, so I wasn't expecting him home until dark. This is where Change showed up for a visit. He strolled in with Mason when he came home. 

I was making dinner, meatloaf which was Kade's favorite. Mason walked in and I already knew he was mad. I started to speak, but he beat me to it. "Girls, your mother and I need to talk. Please go up to your room," he stated. I looked at him puzzled as the girls went up to their rooms. "What's going on?", I asked as soon as he left. He didn't speak for a long time. He just stared at me. Finally, after what seemed like hours, he breathed and looked at me while he said "I may lose my job." I was stunned. Mason was a good, hard worker. I stumbled back. "Why?" He walked over to one of our barstools and sat down. "Mr. Perry brought me into his office to talk. Apparently, I have been embezzling money. Over $120,000 is missing and I was working on that project." "But-but wasn't three other guys helping you? Why is Mr. Perry putting all the blame on you?" "That's why I said may. He said he will do some investigating." We let the silence wash over us. A couple of minutes passed and finally, I went to say something. I walked over to where he was sitting. "Hey. Everything will-" My phone broke my sentence in half. I sighed and walked over to the counter where it sat, buzzing. Picking it up, I see that it is Carla. "Hello," I say. "Darc! Oh my gosh! Kade is being taken to a hospital." "Wait. Why? What's going on?" I respond, panicked. Mason gets up immediately at my words and walks over to me, worry filling his brown eyes. He wraps his arm around my waist, keeping me up. "A kid pushed him or something and I think he broke his arm. Just get to Ocean City Memorial Hospital. I have to go. I'm going with him in the ambulance." With that, she hangs up. I look at Mason with what I know is shock, worry, and confusion in my eyes. "We need to go to the hospital," is all I say

June 10- 

"How are you, buddy?" I ask Kade, hugging him. "I'm bored." I step back and let a giggle slip. He's on the couch, with every comic book from his room stacked on the floor next to him. One arm is propped up on a pillow in a blue cast and the other is holding the remote to the TV. "Well, I'm sorry but you can't leave this couch." "My arm is broken mom, not my leg." "Still, you stay on the couch." I kiss him while he lets out a groan. I smile and call up the stairs for Bets. I then turn my attention back to my son. "Kade, you listen to everything Carla and your sister say, ok? She will be here in about three minutes. Until then, Gen is upstairs if you need anything. Dad had to go to work and he will be home late. Be good." "Yes ma'am," Kade responds. With that, Bets and I head out the door. The drive to our care clinic is a silent one. I know Bets is scared. When we finally get there and get Bets back to the doctor, the first thing he wants to do after some talking is a blood test. Great. Bets hate needles. However, everything goes great and we are back waiting for the results. "Mrs. Lancaster," the nurse calls after what seems like hours. "Come on Bets." When I hear the groan she gives me, I add quickly, "We are almost done, then we can go get some ice cream," The promise of ice cream works like always and we stand and walk over. "Oh. Doctor Conway just wants to see you." My stomach drops. "But it was just a blood test, right? Why can't Bette come back and hear the results?" She shifts. "He still wants to talk to just you. I can take Bette back to the waiting room if you would like," she replies softly. I can only nod my head while she grabs my little girl's hand. 

"So, Mrs. Lancaster I would like to run some more tests on Bette just to be safe. We can do them tonight if that's ok." "Are you sure it's...leukemia?" I ask, the word tasting funny in my mouth. I looked at him. He keeps on trying to say something. "This is hard to hear Mrs. Lancaster. I know. With you reporting nose bleeds and Bette losing weight as well as the blood tests, it looks like it. I won't say yes or no until I have a positive answer though. However, the safe thing we can do is a needle biopsy" "And we can do that tonight?" "Yes ma'am. If we do just the needle biopsy, it will take one hour and we should have the results back to you in about two to three days. Bette won't feel a thing. I promise you" I looked back over her blood test results pondered for a little bit. It's just a misunderstanding. My girl doesn't have cancer. The tests will prove nothing. But what if they do? We need to say yes. But the medical bills for Kade are already too high. "Ok. Let's do it," I say hesitantly. 

June 13-

June 13. Three days. Her test should come in. Mason and I didn't tell her anything because we didn't want her to worry about something that hopefully wasn't there. After dropping off the kids, the clock slows down. I try to keep myself busy, but the minutes seem like hours. Mason and I sit at the table after putting each kid to bed, not speaking. Work has been hard for him these past couple of days. Because of our tight money situation and Kade's many hospital bills, we decided we wanted to hear the news over the phone since it would be a little cheaper. Finally, my phone rings at 7 o'clock. I grab it before Mason does and stand. "Hello? Yes." Silence "Ok. Ok, I understand. I can wait" Mason stands as well and starts to pace since he can't hear much of what Doctor Conway is saying. I cover my phone and say, "He's going over the results now." Mason nods his head but doesn't stop pacing. I feel like pacing myself. I feel like a weight has been forced down my throat and now has settled into my stomach. Doctor Conway starts to speak again. "Ok. Oh. No. No! Please you have to look over the results again!" I wail out. Mason stops. I don't have to tell him as recognition crawls over his face. Bet's test results are positive for leukemia. I crash to the floor in anguish, my whole world crashing down. 

June 25- 

Another day. Washing the dishes, all I can think is why. Mason lost his job two days ago for something he didn't do. We are behind on medical bills, and Gen has started staying out later than normal. Bets starts her first day of chemo tomorrow. That's all I can think about. Right now the kids are asleep and Mason is trying to convince his parents to send us some money. I finish the dishes a couple of minutes later and head to the beige couch to sit with Mason. "Any luck?" I ask as I sink into the couch, exhausted. "No," he responds sadly. I look down and start to feel tears well in my eyes. "It's been one heck of a month," I answer back, trying to force out a laugh. It comes out cracked and broken. Mason wastes no time pulling me into a hug. We finally break down together. 

June 30- 

The end of June. Kade is still in his cast, Bets is already feeling the effects of chemo, and Gen is suspended because she was caught doing drugs on the school campus. When I went up to the school to go get her, she told me blank-faced she couldn't deal with the thought of her sister dying. Only 17 days after her diagnosis and our family is falling apart. I feel like cleaning has become my gateway out because that's all I do now. I'm cleaning our stove when Mason walks in with a duffle bag. I turn around and ask, "Where are you going? It's 9 o'clock." He looks as if he's holding back tears as he said, "I can't Darc. It's too much. Bets, Gen and Kade. I need to leave for a little bit." He starts to walk away, but I quickly block him. "Oh? So you can run away but I can't? You don't get to play this game, Mason." I yell anger. "Well maybe if you had a job, most of this mess could have been avoided." He starts to walk away but turns and adds, "And if you had gotten Bette to a freaking doctor sooner, then maybe we could pay for her medical bills, but no. You just wanted to hide like always.," I can't anything else as he stalks out of the house, slamming the door behind him. His words sting me like a slap as I slip down to the floor, tears escaping their prison.