Lord's Day

B: ‘Jared, wait a second!’

J: ‘What’s wrong, Betty?’

B: ‘What if they don’t like me?’

J: ‘Come on, Betty! We’ve been through this already, why wouldn’t they like you?’

B: ‘I don’t know! I’m scared!’

J: ‘You’re being silly, right now. They’ll love you! And if they don’t, well, I’ll disown them!’

B: ‘You’re just being foolish now, Jared!’

J: ‘I’m not! I will! I swear!’

B: ‘I’m sure you will! Let’s go, ring that damn bell before I get a chance to faint.’

J: ‘I’m serious, you know?! I’ll do it and then we’ll run away somewhere far away, they’ll never find us!’

M: ‘Who’ll never find you, dear?’

J: ‘Oh! Hi, Mom!’

M: ‘Hello, love! This must be, Betty!’

B: ‘Nice to meet you, Ma’am!’

M: ‘Likewise, dear! Call me, Marry. Let me take your coat.’

J: ‘You never ask for my coat, Mom.’

M: ‘You’re lucky if you’ll be leaving with your skin intact, boy! Disown us, will you?’

J: ‘Is it me or are you jealous, Mom?’

M: ‘Get in there, boy, before I smack you upside the head.’

J: ‘You are, aren’t you?! Your little boy’s all grown up now, this must be such a sad moment…’

M: ‘Get, boy!’

B: ‘Really nice to meet you, Marry!’

M: ‘Same here, love! Now go meet everyone else!’

UB: ‘Aaaaaaaah, look who’s here!’

J: ‘Hey, uncle Bill, how are you!’

UB: ‘Hi, Jared! And who’s this lovely girl?’

J: ‘This is, Betty, my fiancé!’

B: ‘Hello!’

UB: ‘Hello, darling! I’ll tell you from the get-go, you’re too good for him!’

B: ‘Nice to meet you, Sir!’

J: ‘Ok… and this is everyone else!’

S: ‘Lazy boy, introduce us properly!’

J: ‘And steal your spotlight, Grandma, I wouldn’t dream of it?!’

S: ‘Pfffff! Hi, dear! I’m the old lady of the house! I’m, Susan, but you may call me Grandma, like everyone else around here.’

B: ‘Hello, Ma’am!’

S: ‘You’ve met, Bill. This is my other son, Jacob!’

UJ: ‘Hello, dear!’

B: ‘Hi, Sir!’

S: ‘His wife, Patricia, and their son, Andrew!’

P: ‘Hi, Betty!’

A: ‘Hello!’

S: ‘This is my other daughter, Charlotte, and that there in her arms is little baby Michael!’

C: ‘Hello, dear!’

B: ‘Hello, nice to meet you all!’

S: ‘My husband and Jarod’s father should also be around here somewhere.’

UB: ‘They’re smoking out back, so you can’t see them.’

S: ‘Really?! Aren’t you a smartass? Come dear, come sit next to me, I want to know all about you!’

UB: ‘Ooooh, no! Careful, Betty, Mom’s vicious.’

S: ‘Oooooh, shut it, boy! Pay him no mind, dear, that one’s been running his mouth even before he was born.’

UB: ‘I wonder who I take after, huh, Mom?’

M: ‘I see Mother has kidnapped you, dear. Have you met everyone?’

B: ‘Yes!’

M: ‘Where’s Frank and Dad?’

UB: ‘Outback, smoking!’

M: ‘Afraid you’re no longer the favorite child, Bill?’

UB: ‘What? I was the favorite? Why didn’t anyone tell me?’

S: ‘So, tell me, dear: how did you two meet?’

D: ‘Oooh, leave the poor girl alone, Susan!’

S: ‘Look who decided to show up! Where were you, darling?’

D: ‘I was helping, Frank, with something outback!’

S: ‘Mhmmmm!’

D: ‘Hello, darling! I’m Grandpa Daryl, don’t mind my wife, she thinks she’s the boss of this enterprise.’

B: ‘Hello, Sir!’

F: ‘Hi, Betty! I’m Frank!’

B: ‘Nice to meet you, Sir!’

S: ‘And who is the boss, sweety?’

M: ‘I am, Mom! Now, leave Dad alone so we can eat.’

UB: ‘That’s telling her, Marry!’

M: ‘Don’t make me start on you, Billy! Dad, Billy told Mom that you were smoking with Frank!’

UB: ‘I did not!’

D: ‘Did you now, Billy boy! Guess you’re no longer number 1!’

UJ: ‘Good on you, Dad, he wasn’t fit to follow in your footsteps!’

J: ‘See, I told there’s nothing to worry about!’

B: ‘I don’t know about that.’

J: ‘Hah, the squabble is part of the tradition!’

S: ‘What squabble, boy, this is the way powerful people communicate!’

UB: ‘Told you, you’re too good for him, Betty!’

UJ: ‘He was always the soft one, wasn’t he!’

F: ‘Hey, hey! Don’t talk like that about my pride and joy!’

D: ‘See, that’s why Frank’s the new number 1, he’s got bite, not like you lot!’

M: ‘Admit it, Dad, you just like him because he got me out of the house!’

D: ‘That too!’

M: ‘Enough now, you’re scaring the poor girl!’

B: ‘I don’t mind, Ma’am!’

D: ‘See, she doesn’t mind. Plus, it’s tradition, isn’t it?’

B: ‘What tradition?’

C: ‘Noooo, no, no!’

J: ‘Ooooh, no!’

D: ‘It’s good that you asked, Betty!’

A: ‘Come on, Grandpa!’

UB: ‘You did it now, Betty!’

B: ‘What did I do?’

S: ‘Nothing bad, dear. It’s just that my dear husband likes to hear himself talk, especially about this.’

D: ‘Shush, Susan. I don’t like to hear myself talk!’

S: ‘Mhmmmm’

B: ‘Besides, the girls looks like she’s going to take your place someday, she needs to know her history!’

J: ‘I don’t know what to say about that, Grandpa. Betty actually likes to smile.’

S: ‘What did you say, boy? To think that I used to wipe your ass!’

C: ‘He’s got you there, Mom!’

S: ‘Ungrateful children!’

D: ‘Susan, darling! Let me tell my story!’

S: ‘Oooooh, go ahead and tell your story! It’s not like anyone can stop you anyway.’

M: ‘He did marry you, didn’t he, Mom?!’

C: ‘Hahaha!’

UB: ‘Oooooooh!’

D: ‘Now, what were you saying, Betty? Aaaaaah, yes, traditions.’

UJ: ‘You go, Dad! Tell us!’

D: ‘Quiet, boy! Don’t interrupt your father! Now, you know how everybody says they have this or that tradition dating back since God knows when?’

B: ‘Yes!’

D: ‘Well, ours is real. And we can trace it back for at least 500 years. Since the time of Stephen the Great, our family meets every second Sunday of the month, sits down for dinner and…’

M: ‘Squabbles!’

C: ‘Hahahaha!’

D: ‘And bonds! Especially when we’re welcoming a new member in the family. Now, as I said, this is from the time of Stephen the Great, do you know who he was?’

B: ‘No, I do not!’

UB: ‘Oooooh, you’re in for a treat, Betty!’

D: ‘Shut up and let me tell my story, boy! Now, Stephen the Great was one of the greatest men to ever wield a sword.’

UJ: ‘Which one?’

F: ‘Hahahah!’

D: ‘He was Prince of Moldavia a small state in Eastern Europe at the time and based on his great deeds the Pope of Rome named him Champion of Christ. He fought the Ottomans, the Great Tatar Horde and the great Kingdom of Poland all to keep his people safe. He only lost two battles out of forty-nine and it’s in one of those two battles that our family was born.

The Ottomans had broken into Suceava, one of the major cities of Moldavia while Stephen was away in Poland to sign a treaty with the king. Once he learned of this, he rushed to face his enemy with his small army.

In that army was my great-great-great… well, ultra-great Grandfather, Anton Puscuta. Now, Puscuta in our native language means: small cannon, because you see, he was a great engineer, and was in charge of the prince’s artillery.

As the battle was unfolding, the prince was losing ground and at one point his horse was killed and as he was falling, he caught the prince’s leg underneath him and crushed it. All was lost and the prince was almost killed but for Anton’s intervention. When he saw the disaster which about to occur, he rushed with his horse to Stephen’s side and boosted the wounded Prince atop his steed and saved him. The battle was lost but Stephen was not one to give up, he quickly raised another army and destroyed the Ottomans.

For Anton’s bravery, he was named a Lord and every second Sunday of the month was invited to supp with his Prince. That tradition stays with us till this day to remind us of where we were and where we’ve gotten.’

J: ‘Wooow, Grandpa, just wooooow. Is it me or that story changes every time you tell it?’

F: ‘Don’t talk like that to your grandpa, Jared.’

J: ‘What did I say?’

UB: ‘Yeah, Frank, what did he say? It’s not the story that changes, Jared, it’s Dad. You know, old age and such?!’

S: ‘Billy!’

UB: ‘What, Mom? Besides, he wasn’t fighting the Ottomans, he was fighting the Tatars.’

D: ‘You’re saying you know that story better than I do?’

UJ: ‘Yeah, Dad. It was the Tatars; I remember Grandpa Rick telling us about it.’

D: ‘Was it now, well, enlighten us you two!’

UB: ‘It was the year 1486!’

UJ: ‘1487.’

UB: ‘What?’

UJ: ‘It was 1487.’

D: ‘Do you two need some time to get your facts straight?’

UB: ‘Ok, ok, it was the year 1487. Stephen was on one of his binges across Moldavia!’

UJ: ‘That’s when he would make sure all the daughters of all the Lords were ripe and pretty!’

UB: ‘Out of nowhere the Tatars attack White Hall bringing upon the people’s heads death and destruction.’

UJ: ‘And orgies!’

P: ‘Jacob!’

A: ‘Haha, Dad!’

UJ: ‘What? Everybody knows the Tatars changed Europe’s genetic make out through… you know, they’re huge numbers! How do you think I got these brilliant olive shaped eyes?’

S: ‘It surely wasn’t from being smacked around enough when you were a child!’

UJ: ‘Aaaaaah, Mom! I knew you loved me.’

UB: ‘Quiet people, I’m explaining history.’

D: ‘Oooooh, please!’

UB: ‘Now, the Tatars had come in great numbers and were raping and pillaging left and right. This didn’t sit well with Stephen and his homies, there weren’t enough damsels in Moldavia for all of them so the Tatars had to go. They drunk their wine, saddled their horses, unsheathed their swords.’

UJ: ‘Sheathed their swords.’

UB: ‘What?’

UJ: ‘They sheathed their swords?’

UB: ‘Why would they sheath their swords; they were going to battle?’

UJ: ‘Aaaaah, the other swords!’

P: ‘Jacob, really?’

F: ‘Hahaha!’

UB: ‘You’re and idiot, you know that, no wonder I’m the favorite son.’

D: ‘Were!’

UB: ‘We’ll talk about that later, Dad. Right, they sheathed their swords.’

F: ‘Hahahaha!’

S: ‘You’re losing your touch, Billy!’

UJ: ‘Hahaha!’

UB: ‘Jesus! And they rode to glorious battle! They met the Tatars across the Moldavian plains, their numbers where huge, fierce, battle hardened, hungry for blood.’

UJ: ‘Horny too!’

UB: ‘Dude!’

UJ: ‘It had to be said.’

UB: ‘When he saw this, Stephen did not falter, he and his bros knew how to handle a sword… Don’t you dare!’

UJ: ‘I wasn’t!’

UB: ‘But an army such as this they had never seen before. They feigned retreat and as the Tatars spurred their horses towards them in a frenzy, sure of their victory, Stephen rallied his forces and met the Horde head on. The muddy earth of Moldavia was treacherous for the Horde’s mighty cavalry but even so, Stephen and his posse were heavily outmatched.

The Khan and his Royal Guard had surrounded Stephen and were about to kill him when, out of nowhere, Anton charged to his Prince’s aid. Atop a black steed with fiery eyes and a huge sword…’

UJ: ‘Woah, woah, woah, woah!’

UB: ‘What now?’

UJ: ‘Who had the huge sword?’

UB: ‘Anton, what’s wrong with you?’

UJ: ‘No but you said: “Atop a black steed with fiery eyes and a huge sword.’

UB: ‘And?’

UJ: ‘Well, dear brother, last time I checked it could just easily be the steed with the sword based on how you formulated that sentence.’

UB: ‘Oh my God! Patricia, were you aware of my brother’s extreme needs?’

P: ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about!’

A: ‘That explains things.’

P: ‘Andrew!’

UJ: ‘Andrew!’

A: ‘Really?’

S: ‘Hahaha, leave the boy alone!

UB: ‘As I was saying. Anton came running on his black steed, swinging his huge sword and carved a way through the Tartar’s until he reached Stephen. Meanwhile, Stephen was fighting off the Khan and with a swing of his mighty sword he threw the Khan off his horse and broke all his teeth.’

UJ: ‘They say that some nights you can still see the Khan’s teeth glittering on those plains.’

J: ‘Weren’t they in a forest?’

UB: ‘The Tartar’s tucked tail and ran, the Moldavian’s had broken the Great Horde and as a reward Stephen made Anton his greatest Lord and decreed that each second Sunday of the Monday everyone should feast in his honor.’

UJ: ‘And…’

C: ‘Yeah, yeah, Jacob, and swing their swords. Ha ha, your jokes are getting stale.’

UJ: ‘Aaaaah!’

C: ‘The only issue is that it wasn’t the Khan and the Tartar’s that Stephen and Anton fought, it was the Polish army. And it wasn’t a field, it was a deep forest.’

UB: ‘There are no forests on the plains of Moldavia!’

C: ‘What?’

J: ‘Pfffffff!’

C: ‘You know you just said yourself five minutes ago that they were heading for the forest, right?’

UB: ‘I didn’t!’

M: ‘Shhhhshh, Bill! Let her speak.’

C: ‘Thank you, dear sister! The Polish had stolen Stephen’s wife and sisters as he was off fighting the Ottoman’s. When Stephen found out he asked his trusted squire Anton to go and save them.

Anton was perplexed at his Prince’s request but how could he refuse. Especially since Matilda, Stephen’s sister was his beloved. He took his closest friends and ran to fight the Polish forces, gathering along the way a makeshift army of peasants. They knew they couldn’t fight them on the open field so they circled around and waited for them at Cosmin Forest.

As they waited, Anton ordered his army to cut the trees just enough so they would appear untouched. The Polish army approached unsuspectingly, while the Moldavians laid their trap. Once they had entered the forest the Moldavians pushed the trees atop their foes. Man, and beast ran in sheer panic as Anton rushed towards his beloved’s freedom. They fought throughout the day and in the end prevailed in their endeavor.

The ladies were saved, and Anton could rest easily as he laid his eyes once more upon his beloved Matilda.

UB: ‘Booooooring!’

S: ‘Shhhhshhh, boy! Go on, Charlotte!’

C: ‘Stephen rewarded Anton with his sister’s hand in marriage and made him a Lord. They married on the second Sunday of the Month and feasted…’

UJ: ‘And were happy until they had a kid!’

A: ‘Heeeeey!’

F: ‘Can’t argue with him there.’

D: ‘Nope!’

M: ‘Really?! Hear that, Jarod, you’re a burden to your father.’

J: ‘That’s no news, Mom! Why do you think he hooked me up with Betty?’

B: ‘Wha’?’

F: ‘Haha, anyway, that’s not how it went.’

UB: ‘Woah, woah, woah. Frank, you know you’re adopted in this great family, right?’

F: ‘That’s not what I heard, Bill! Right, Dad?’

D: ‘Mhmmm!’

M: ‘Leave my baby brother alone, Frank!’

F: ‘Heh, as I heard it, you weren’t sided with the Moldavians, but with the Tartars. Your great-yada-yada-father was one of the Khan’s most trusted men.’

S: ‘Blasphemy!’

F: ‘And when they met the Moldavians and saw how beautiful and honest the Moldavian women where, they could no longer stand their heathen ways, renounced their Khan and joined Stephen. As a reward Stephen made him a Lord and gave his sister’s hand in marriage.’

UB: ‘Aaaaaaah, your husband’s a romantic Marry, how lucky of you!’

S: ‘Maybe if you were a bit of a romantic Billy, you wouldn’t still be single.’

UB: ‘I’m single because I want to, Mom!’

D: ‘Leave him be, Susan! It’s not his fault he’s ugly.’

UB: ‘Thanks, Dad!’

D: ‘You’re welcome. Now that you’ve heard our stories, Betty, some truer than others. What about you? Where’s your family from?’

B: ‘Aaaaah, I’m afraid I…’

J: ‘Don’t be afraid, love. Tell them!’

B: ‘Hmmmm, ok! There was once a tribe of people living in the Northern lands of Europe…’

UB: ‘Oooh, this sounds good!’

UJ: ‘Did they have swords?’

S: ‘Hmmm, I like this one already!’

M: ‘Mhmmm! Me too, Mom, me too!’