I Need you 2 Live!!!

Roman Jordan picks up his three fifty-seven snub nose revolver off the coffee table in his living room. He places one bullet in one of the eight empty shell compartments in the cylinder. He gently spends the cylinder twice blindly, then closing the cylinder into its chamber. Roman then places the revolver into his mouth while sliding the hammer backwards.

“You disgusting iniquitous vexed weak bowel fecal. So, you are cowardly going out the easy way? My presence has only anguished you for two weeks, but my mother will be haunted her entire existence. You deprived her from enjoying a longer experience with her son. How dare you! How can you eradicate a divine living creature you did not create? Do not pull that trigger! I need you to live, so I can exasperate you for the rest of your miserable life. Just like my mother must live with the vision of me getting unethically decapitated. That horrible act of violence will replay in her mind over and again, forever!”.

Clank, the sound of the firing pin not connecting with any ammunition, echoes in the cave of Roman’s mouth. feebleness plagues Roman’s thumb, after struggling for a few seconds, he pulls the hammer backwards.

“She tried to put my brains back together and recreate the structure of my head with her bare hands in front of all my siblings! How dare you rob me off warmth, love, smiles, hugs, struggles, family, my kids, wow, my kids. Ahh! Ahh! My dreams were destroyed the second I left my body. My destiny was death the moment you applied pressure to metal. You stole the greatest gift given to man, life. You’re an ungrateful corrupt soul, nothing but a monstrous rodent, you are a thief, you stole the chance to allow me to be great, a chance to explore how talented I could have been which is my birth right!”.

Clank, Roman blood shot eyes rivers a waterfall of tears down his distraught face. With both thumbs he pulls the hammer back in firing position.

“You took my right to watch my kids become something marvelous. I cannot attend weddings, graduations, I cannot celebrate with my family on holidays. I will miss absolutely every birthday! You made me break a promise, a promised to be a better father than the one I had. I promised I would not abandon them; I promised my kids I would provide for them. How dare you take away my pride and joy, which is living!”.

Clank, Roman removes the gun from his mouth as his body attempts to reject his latest meal. Gasping for air why vomiting clear liquid, he strikes his head with his fist with anger. Roman roars loudly before placing the pistol back into his mouth. Breathing hysterically, he positions the pistol in fire mode.

“If you detested yourself so much, why not take your own life? Instead of mine. You took something that did not belong to you. I did not owe you anything, I did not threaten your life. I have never crossed your path. If I had caused you or your loved ones any harm, I would have apologized the moment my actions served a negative purpose or just a human error. Why is not life valued! Why must the first repercussion to anger, frustration, misunderstandings and fear is death. The punishment you gave out for you being born caused extreme agony to my family and yours's but not to you”.

Clank, Roman Jordan instantly pulls the hammer back again for the fifth time. His body shakes knowing the opportunity for death is near as his right thumb rest on the gun’s trigger.

“You didn’t just steal from me; you stole from yourself. Everything you hoped for, everything you dream of doing, you hijacked your own value to yourself and humanity. You denied your own self to be apart of history. Your legacy as a cold heartless killer will haunt your own mother. Your father will be ashamed he had helped to conceive you, let alone call your name again. The more and more I want to feel enraged, the more I feel sorrow for you and your loved ones. I look at you and see someone who could have had a victorious life. I look at you, I see a lost and scared child”.

Clank!  

“I am sorry you were not taught how to love yourself. I am sorry, you did not get all the affection you deserved, or you should have had. I am so sorry you did not understand how to apply values and principles to your own life. I am sorry you did not have the childhood you dreamed of. You should have been grateful for what you did have. Some of us have no mothers or fathers. Some of us are unfortunate to have food to eat, homes to go too. You had everything you ever needed, just too selfish to realize it, and way to ignorant to care”.

Clank, Roman urinates on himself. With his clothes soaking wet from sweat and now urine, he cries hysterically attempting to throw the gun, but his hand does not release the pistol. He covers his face with his empty left hand. Roman roars from the depths from within his gut. He strikes himself in the crown of his head before cocking back the hammer, and in a temper, shoving the three fifty-seven roughly back into his mouth.

“Wait! Stop! Do not do it! I forgive you! I forgive you! I was so wrapped up about punishing you for your actions. I forgot about forgiveness. I forgot about who I was when I was human. As much as a piece of me wants you to be tormented and to burn in hell. I do not want that for you even though you took my life without cause. I want you to have a chance to change. I want you to live and not die. I need you to become your greater self. I need you to know you can still change, if you still have breath in your body, you still can contribute to yourself and others. Grow, Transform and progress, the same energy you had to pull the trigger, create an equal amount of positive energy so you can win!

Boom!