A Grim Discovery

The pristine whiteness of the office floor reflected brightly in my eyes. The sunlight - that stupid, perpetual sunlight - bounced directly off the shiny floor and right into my face. Why did it have to be white? Why did everything have to be white? And all the windows? Really? I mean, I knew they had a reputation and image to uphold but sheesh! No one that cared was ever going to see it.

I was called into the office by one of the higher-ups. Yeah, those guys. They couldn’t just let me do my job. They always had to get in my business one way or another. I get it! My job wasn’t glamorous. Everyone always thought they could do it better. But when it came down to it? When it came down to actually doing what needed to be done? Nope. Never gonna happen. I was the only person for the job. 

“Dee, I’m glad you’re here.” The soft and melodic voice carried from across the room. Melodic voice? That wasn’t right. I hadn’t met a middle-man with a melodic voice before - and I knew everyone. 

“I know I probably wasn’t who you were expecting,” the gentle voice moved closer, but I was still blinded by the glare that I couldn’t see who was speaking. How did I not know who it was? I knew everyone! Well, almost everyone. The only person I hadn’t met yet was…

“My name is Bri, and I run this place.”

My hand flew to my face to try and block out some of the light. I needed to see with my own eyes who was speaking. Nothing helped, though, and I still couldn’t see.

“Can we do something about this? I can’t see.”

“Lower the shades please.”

The room grew darker, and with the darkness, my sight began to return. It took a minute for my eyes to adjust, but in front of me stood a petite woman with big round glasses. This is the boss?

“But you’re so…”

“Small?” Her eyes perked up as she smiled at me. She must have gotten that reaction a lot. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything else, so I just nodded my head. If I had a heart, it would have beaten itself right out of my chest. The boss wants to talk to me? What did I do? I’ve always done my job right. I’ve always done what needed to be done, no matter how hard it was. “Listen, Dee. We need to talk about something important. Please, come sit down.”

Bri pointed to a desk in the corner of the room that I swear wasn’t there before. It was a big white desk because…of course, it was white. Bri turned and quickly walked away leaving me to catch up. For such a small woman, she moved very quickly!

I took a seat at the desk directly opposite her. There were papers scattered across the top and as she shoved them aside, she looked at me very closely. I must have stuck out like a sore thumb here. Everything was white and that was just not my color. My cloak, my hood, my shoes, my gloves - none of it was white.

“Dee, this is going to be difficult for you.” Bri’s face was soft and kind - the kind of look you would expect from a mother that looked at her child. “There are some changes that need to be made within your department. People are moving around and, in the interest of having a well-rounded team, we are looking to change your position.”

I heard her. I heard her loud and clear, but I didn’t understand what she was saying. Positions are changing? I had been in my position forever - literally almost forever. And now things were changing?

“I don’t understand…”

“Everyone in your department is switching to a new position and being trained in tasks and procedures that are opposite of what they already do.”

“Is this necessary? I mean, I’ve been in my position since the beginning. Do we really need to do this?”

“It is in the best interest of everyone involved. If for some reason you wanted to move on, no one would know how to fulfill your job duties. Therefore, this exercise in adapting to change will be good for everyone.”

“But-” She held up her hand and cut me off.

“This is not up for discussion.” Bri waved in the direction of a door on the other side of the room. “Bring him in.”

“Him? Him who?”

“Your trainer, of course! Bert will help you learn your new role and get you started on your first case.”

“…you don’t mean…”

“Yes, Death. You are switching with Life.”

I don’t remember the walk out of that office. I had to switch places with Life? I had been a steward of death since the literal beginning. I’ve done my job - and I’ve done it well - even when it was hard. I couldn’t even remember what my name was. Everyone just called me Dee, short for Death. I still remember my first case - the first soul I had to rip from their physical form to bring to the InBetween. Now what? I was going backward? In the opposite direction?

“Dee,” an impatient man stood in front of me holding a clipboard. “Listen, I know you don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be here either. You’re actually kind of scary - but this is the command from the highest-up we can get. We’ve got to do it or there won’t be any new Life in the Physical.”

I huffed and plopped down in the chair. He had me sitting in front of a projector screen with some video playing that was supposed to teach me how to be Life. This was dumb.

“First order of business-” he said as he glanced at his clipboard, “-you need to change your clothes.”

If looks could kill, Bert would be done for.

“Look, Dee, you can’t bring new Life into the world looking like -” he motioned at me “-like that. You need to freshen up your look. Less black - more white.”

White. White. Stupid color. Not my color.

“Let’s just not and say we did, okay Bert?”

“That’s not how this works and you know it.” I rolled my eyes pointedly - and made sure he saw it - and stood up. Spinning around slowly, my cloak, shoes, gloves - everything that made me me disappeared in a puff of black smoke. In its place was a white flowy dress, lace sleeves, and white sandals. Even my hair was blonde now and my skin had some color to it. I was going to hate this.

“No, Dee, you can’t just appear in a puff of white smoke, okay? You have to show up gently. We shimmer and glisten. We don’t just - poof - and scare the crap out of everyone there.”

“But no one will even see me!”

“The soul will, and that’s the important part. You can’t scare the soul. Even if they’ve lived many, many lifetimes, souls are very timid and easily startled. You must act accordingly.”

“I’m not good at this, okay? I can’t bring new life into the world. I’m not a gentle creature. I have a scythe, for fuck’s sake -"

“Language!”

“Whatever! I have a scythe and I cleave the souls out of their physical form when they die - which requires strength and willpower! I do not have gentle hands! I can’t just place a soul in a body. I can’t just gently move a soul from the InBetween to the Physical. That’s not it. That’s not me. I can’t do this.”

Several weeks had already gone by. I was getting so tired of trying to fit Life into the equation. For millennia I had been the steward of Death. I pulled souls from bodies, not the other way around. This was the single most frustrating thing I had ever attempted in my existence.

“Let’s try again, Dee, okay?” Bert was handling my frustration well. Better than I was, to be honest. “Come here and we’ll do a little breathing exercise. Come stand in front of me.”

“Fine!” Marching over to Bert, I planted myself firmly in front of him. I was as close to him as I could get without being on top of him. He glared up at me but didn’t move.

“You know that feeling you get when you appear in a puff of smoke? It’s a different materialization feeling, right? Like a - poof! You’re just there.” I nodded my head, trying to follow along with what he was saying. “Shimmering in is the same concept, but the feeling just changes. What I want you to do is take a big, deep breath in and hold it for three seconds.”

I did as he instructed. It was calming, actually. Even though I could breathe, it wasn’t a requirement of my existence and I guess, over time, I just stopped.

“Now slowly exhale and let all of that air out of your lungs. We’re going to do it again, but this time as you exhale, focus on that feeling you get when you appear in a poof and slow it down. Concentrate on slowing it down as you exhale.”

Something was happening - I could feel it. What was it, though?

“Again, but this time we’re going to put it all together, okay? When you breathe in, focus on the slowness of your exit. See yourself disappearing slowly, fading into the background of your surroundings without the puff of smoke. When you exhale, keep the slowness, but focus on bringing yourself back and becoming physical again without the puff of smoke.”

I did as instructed and my body tingled. Normally when I poofed out, it was instantaneous and there wasn’t a lot of feeling behind it. This, though? This was a different experience. It was like every muscle fiber, every nerve ending in my existence was met with a feather duster. It was soft and subtle, but it still tingled. Holy shit, it was working. I slowed myself down enough to gently fade in and out - without the puff of smoke!

“You did it, Dee!” Bert was just as excited as I was! He threw his arms around me in excitement, hugging me and squeezing.

“Bert…”

“Sorry,” he quickly let go. “I’m a hugger.” He backed away but kept the biggest smile on his face. I couldn’t help but smile, too.

“I learned something new…I can’t believe it, Bert. Thank you!”

“Yeah, and it only took you-” he glanced down at his calendar before continuing, “-two weeks!”

“Whatever, Bert. Don’t rain on my parade, okay? What’s next?”

“Now? We work with souls.”