Three breaths

One... two, three. Again. One, two, three.

Fuck no.

Breathe.

One, two, thr—

A knock on the door.

“Julien?”

Julien froze. Eventually, he managed to meet his own gaze in the mirror. Empty. That’s how they’d describe it, like his soul had abandoned him. The bags under his eyes had bags of their own.

“Just a second!” he yelled, hoping she could hear him. He quickly rinsed his hands and stared at the blood slowly oozing down the sink.

One last look.

Breathe. Compose yourself. He dried his hands and clumsily wrapped his worn, faded bandage around the cut. Then, he hurried to the front door, ran his fingers through his sleek brown hair, and opened it.

“What took you so long?” Jane asked, in a slightly agitated tone. “I brought you some coffee—extra strong, black, no sugar. Hope it didn’t go cold, you took forever to answer.’’

“Ah, thanks. How did you know—” Jane cut him off before he could finish. “So, what were you up to last night?.’’

Julien’s stomach churned. “Not much’’, he replied quietly, eyes unfocused. ‘’Studying. Couldn’t sleep anyway.’’

“Ah, that explains the whole sleep-deprivation look,” Jane said, pressing a coffee cup into Julien’s hands.

She shrugged off her jacket and tossed it to the side before collapsing onto the sofa. '’How long are you planning on locking yourself away in here?’’ Jane teased, a playful smirk on her face.

Julien tried to smile, but felt his muscles twitch, betraying him.

‘’Yeah, well,’’ he said, clearing his throat. ‘’Got a lot of deadlines to meet.’’

Jane paused, studying him for a moment. She couldn’t help but notice a shift in Julien’s demeanor.

''So, I wanted to talk to you about Charles,'' she said hesitantly. ''I know you two have fallen out, but I miss spending time with both of you. I'd really appreciate it if we could find some way to fix this... or at least talk about it.''

Julien stared absentmindedly out the window. The sun stared back, sharp and unforgiving, blinding him with its light. Involuntary tears welled up, but he quickly wiped them away. He looked down at his coffee cup and took a sip.

He turned around to face Jane.

And then it hit him.

A bright flash exploded behind his eyes, images flickering faster than light. Charles. Blood. A hand reaching. Eyes wide. Lifeless.

‘’Julien?’’, Jane asked.

’’What?’’ Julien blurted out, his breath quick and shallow, as the images still lingered in his mind.

‘’Everything alright?’’ she asked, her voice filled with concern.

Julien locked eyes with her, but he struggled to find the words.

Last night 9 p.m.

‘’What can I get you?’’ Julien asked.

‘’The usual,’’ Charles replied.

Julien set Charles’s drink on the coffee table and walked over to open the window.

He pulled a crushed pack of cigarettes from his pocket, straightened one, tapped it against the windowsill, and lit it.

‘’I thought you quit?’’ Charles asked, his gaze sharp.

Julien took another slow soothing drag from his cigarette.

’’It's the only thing that calms my mind these days,’’ he said.

Charles toyed with his glass before taking another sip.

‘’I bet it does.’’

A brief silence followed. The tension was palpable. Things hadn’t been the same between them lately.

Charles decided to break the ice.

‘’Why the sudden invitation?’’ Charles asked, stretching his arms out across the sofa.

Julien stubbed out his cigarette, the ember hissing as it met the ceramic dish.

‘’I wanted to talk to you about Jane.’’

A pause.

Julien took a deep breath and tried the swallow the massive lump that had settled in his throat.

Charles leaned back lazily, though his eyes narrowed, as if trying to get under Julien’s skin.

‘’So’’, Charles said, his voice deliberately casual but laced with contempt, ‘’What about Jane?’’

Julien’s hands twitched as he fought to maintain his composure. ‘’I’ve been… thinking about her. I don’t know why she keeps hanging around with you.’’

Charles let out a low, mocking laugh.

‘’Is that what this is about? ‘’You can’t stand seeing her happy?’’

Julien didn’t answer. His face remained calm, but his heart pounded.

‘’You don’t get it, Charles,’’ he said, his voice tight with frustration. ‘’I am trying to look after her.’’

Charles smirked, leaning forward.

‘’Look after her?’’ He echoed, his voice sharp. ‘’You mean control her. Keep her in that little world you built—where no one gets too close, not even her.’’

Julien snapped, his voice rising and unrestrained. ’’You are destroying her life, Charles!’’ His words came out erratic now. ‘’You twist everything—turn her against the people who actually give a damn. That’s what you do, you get inside people’s heads and hollow them out until they don’t even know who they are anymore.’’

Charles’s smile faded. His expression shifted to something colder, more serious.

‘’You weren’t there when everything started to fall apart,’’ Charles spat out the words, the tone sharp with resentment. He leaned back, eyes narrowing. ''So don’t show up now, all righteous, acting like some white knight.’’

An uncomfortable silence filled the room. Julien’s thoughts raced as he stared at Charles, biting back the urge to lash out.

He wasn’t supposed to feel this strongly—not about Jane, not about anyone. However, when it came to her, his feelings were a mess of contradictions, impossible to understand.

Charles stood up from the sofa and started pacing the room.

‘’You probably convince yourself you have some kind of meaningful connection with her, but let’s face it—you’re just a pathetic, soulless shell, playing at emotions you'll never truly understand.’’

He stepped closer, his gaze burning, lips curling into a cruel smirk.

Julien opened his mouth to respond, but the pressure had already begun to boil over.

Then, it happened.

In the rush of frustration, Julien lashed out—he needed to push him away. Charles flinched, stumbled backward, his arms flailed—and then…

Crash.

Shattering glass.

A sickening crack.

Charles lay still. Julien stood frozen.

He dropped to his knees. He tried to help, tried to do something—anything. But as he reached down, glass pierced through his hand.

He yanked at the shard, but it only made the blood gush faster, spilling onto Charles.

His breath is shallow.

Julien starts to panic.

But the panic wasn’t guilt.

It was fear.

Fear of losing Jane.

He begins CPR.

One... two, three. Again. One, two, three.

Fuck. No.

Breathe.

Too late.

Charles’s body remains cold and still.