The Last Straw (Part 1)

Written in response to: Write a story inspired by a piece of music (without using any lyrics).... view prompt

12 comments

Adventure Drama Crime

The day I found that chest of money buried under that field, I wasn’t sure about...a lot of stuff. But if there’s one thing I knew, it’s that that gold was mine.

And nobody was gonna take it away from me.

I snapped to my haunches and shoved my way out of my beach hut, feet barely stopping to touch the cobblestone road. Thunder erupted above me as rain soaked me to the bone, but I couldn’t have cared less.

“Come on, come on, come on!” I yelled as I leapt into my Honda and ignited the engine.

The old car sputtered to life as I stepped onto the gas pedal and wildly careened onto the road. The gloomy, gray clouds clung to my car like a wet blanket as I speeded down the street, not bothering to listen to the fat drops of rain pelting my car’s windows.

There were only two thoughts racing through my mind at that moment:

Find Owen.

Get revenge.


I got so immersed in those four words that I didn’t even notice a skinny kid standing in the road before I nearly ran him over.

“Oh my…!” I slammed on the breaks, my Honda hurtling to the other side of the street as it screeched to a stop.

Breath shallow, I pressed my nose against my car’s window, breath fogging up my view of the dreary forest outside. 

“No, no, no, no!” I cried, forcing my eyes to squint through the shadows cast by the hulking oak trees ahead.

I shoved open the door to my car and scrambled out, using my hand to shield his eyes from the rain.

“HEY!” I screamed at the woods until my throat went hoarse.

That’s when I heard a sound that made my blood run cold.

Screeeeeeeecchh.

I slowly turned on my heels, goosebumps pricking my skin as another crack of lightning sliced the sky above me, illuminating a small figure in the distance.

The shadow of the boy.

I narrowed my eyes the best I could through the curtain of rain. 

The boy was on his hands and knees digging in the grass outside of the woods, his jagged shovel moaning as he struck it into the ground.

Screeecchh.

“OWEN!” I hollered.

The boy snapped his head up.

“Alex?” 

His voice was practically drowned out in the raging storm, but it was the only sound I seemed to be able to focus on.

“Yes! Yes, it’s me! I…”

I trailed off as I watched my little brother turn back to the giant hole he’d dug, eyes like two black voids as he absently continued to hit the ground with his shovel, harder and harder.

Screeecch.

“Owen, Owen STOP!” I bolted across the grass, T-shirt clinging to my back as I wrestled the shovel out of my little brother’s grip.

“NO!” Owen screamed.

Teeth gritted, I lifted Owen off the ground, shovel clattering to the ground.

“Let me go!” Owen cried, tiny legs thrashing until he managed to squirm back onto the ground.

Before I knew what I was doing, I tackled Owen to the ground and pinned his hands to his sides, mouth gaping open, ready to chew him out for almost giving me a heart-attack.

But then my eyes dropped to the bloody gashes covering his hands, tiny splinters flecked in the wounds. Shaking, I looked down at my fingers, now dyed a sickening maroon.

“Owen,” I moaned.

“Please...please let me try,” 

His lower lip was trembling as he tried to shrivel away from me, but I kept a firm grip on his hand.

“Nothing’s here, buddy. Nothing’s here,” I whispered, throat raw.

I couldn’t tell if rain or tears were streaming down Owen’s face, but either way I felt a sharp pain strike me in the chest. 

I gently brushed the black hair plastered to his forehead out of his eyes, my fingers resting on his cheek.

“Please. Stop,” I mumbled.

Owen turned away from me and curled up in a little ball. 

“Hey, it’s okay. Come ‘ere,” 

Rain battering us from every angle, I helped my brother up and wrapped him in a bear hug.

“It’s gonna be okay,” I choked out into his shoulder.

I squeezed Owen harder when I felt his shoulders start to shake.

“Alright, alright,” I gingerly wrapped my sweater around him.

Owen’s teeth chattered as he gratefully buttoned it up, eyes crinkling with worry for me.

“I’m f-fine. Let’s just get in the c-car,” I tried to resist the urge to shiver as I grabbed Owen’s hand and tugged him to the Honda.

“Am I going to Rachel’s again?” Owen asked the second he settled into the backseat of the car.

I was about to slide into the driver’s seat when my hand froze on the gear shift.

“Rachel. Ahhhh geez!” I slammed my fist on the driving wheel, then snapped my head back to a trembling Owen.

“Whoa, hey, I’m so sorry, I just...she told me might’ve found a little something that the police didn’t snatch,”

Owen’s eyes nearly popped out of his head.

“I knew it,” He breathed.

I looked behind me at the back seat and, for the first time in months, felt a real smile peek out of the corners of my mouth.

“Heck yeah you did, you crazy little explorer,”

I reached over and ruffled Owen’s messy hair, a giant grin spreading across his face as he jolted in his seat.

 “I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!” He exclaimed.

I gripped his shoulder, smirk fading a little bit.

“Whoa, easy. Now, this isn’t for sure, so don’t get your hopes up quite yet,”

Owen tried to refrain himself, but I could see his stubby fingers still twitching with anticipation.

I patted his shoulder, then flipped around and turned on my car, trying to stop my icy fingers from trembling as I peeled out of the dirt road.

Maybe, just maybe, Rachel had found something good.



By the time I’d gotten home, Owen and I were secretly so eager to get inside we didn’t even care about how soaking wet we were, especially when we saw a gorgeous woman with wavy red hair waiting for us in the doorway.

“You’re late,” She said, crossing her arms with a cock of her brow.

I just heaved a sigh of relief and wringed out the water in my gloves.

“Rachel,” I breathed, “Rachel, man, am I glad to see you,”

I threw the damp mittens on the ground and pulled her into an embrace.

“Wow, you’re...very wet,” Rachel squirmed away from me a little bit, but still offered me a warm smile.

Suddenly, Owen came bounding in to hug Rachel’s legs.

“Rachel! I knew you’d find something! I told Alex, but he was totally doubting me and all like ‘No way, be practical, blah, blah, blah,’ but ha! You proved me right!”

Rachel laughed and stooped down to pick Owen up.

“Let’s hope so, little guy,” Rachel swooped down and swung her purse down to her feet, pulling out a coloring sheet.

“Why don’t you do this and let us boring adults talk,” She whispered to Owen, handing him a coloring book and an abundance of crayons.

“Okay!” He eagerly took them and skipped down the hall, sending dust swirling down onto me and Rachel’s heads.

I flashed a sad smile at Rachel as we made our way towards the living room, nestling into the only furniture in the room-a beaten-up green couch that didn’t match the room.

“So...what did you find?” I asked Rachel as she took a seat next to me.

Rachel dug through her purse and fished out a coin no bigger than a thumbnail and handed it to me.

“I know it’s not much but...I spent all day sifting through that meadow, looking for just a sliver of that cash you’d found there. That’s all I could find. I know it’s not much, but…”

I locked eyes with Rachel after seconds of staring at the gold piece.

“Rachel,” I whispered.

Rachel uncomfortably shuffled in her seat.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” She chuckled.

I blushed a little and looked down at my shoes.

“Sorry, it’s just...you have no idea how much this means to us,” I whispered.

Rachel reached over and hesitantly slipped her hand over mine. 

“Yeah, I um...do. I know how hard this has been for you and Owen, with your parents…”

“Yeah,” I said stonily, face scrunching up a little.

Rachel frowned as she scooted a little closer to me.

“When...when are they coming back from California?”

I forced myself to swallow the bile in my throat.

“I...I don’t know. They haven’t reached out, and I...well, I’m...scared to. Obviously if they wanted to stick around they would’ve, right?”

An ironic laugh escaped my mouth, but I felt like I’d been sucker-punched in the gut.


Rachel pinned me down with a stare so piercing my breath caught in my throat.

“You know, I could always let you stay in my apartment. I can crash at my brother's house until you recover, just say the word,”

I softly squeezed Rachel’s hand.

“I could never do that to you,” I whispered.

I held up the tiny coin, brow furrowed with determination.

“I don’t know if this will be enough to cash in, but...it’s okay. I’ll find another way,”

Rachel’s face fell as she watched me push it into my pocket.

“Really, I’m fine!” I plastered on an unconvincing smile as I heaved myself up from the couch.

“I know you’re fine.”

Rachel bit a bloody cut in her lip as she rose, too.

“But there’s a pretty big difference between being fine and being happy. I saw you genuinely smile today, just for a sliver of a second. I...I want to see that Alex more,”

I couldn’t manage to look into Rachel’s eyes as I kicked the rotting floorboards hard with my sneaker.

“And you will. Maybe we’re wrong, and they’re actually doing this for us and not trying to get away. Maybe they’ll be off this business trip and come home with boatloads of money, just like they promised. I just needa hold out for one more month. One more month,”

I could feel Rachel’s gaze searing into my back like hot wax as I started to walk out of the room.

“You said that seven months ago,” She muttered.

I froze, hands vigorously shaking.

“That’s...not...your...problem,” I rasped, sharply turning back around to face her.

Eyes wild, Rachel suddenly snapped her head up.

“Not their problem,” She mumbled.

“What?” I exclaimed.

Rachel yanked her phone out of her pocket and furiously typed in something on the screen.

“Look,” She remarked, turning the phone towards me.

She’d pulled up a website, the heading labeled: Two Boys Find a Chest of Cash Buried Underneath Field.

I aggressively massaged my temples.

“What are you getting at?” I sighed.

Rachel huffed at me and jabbed her fingernail at the screen, under the sentence: Little else is known about what happened to the money, but reporters have assumed it has gone to its rightful owner, the citizen who inhabited the field originally.

“We know the treasure was nabbed by the police. But they gave us no evidence that field belonged to them,” Rachel murmured.

My eyes widened, realization practically slapping me in the face.

“Look at this more recent post,” Rachel scrolled down the website to a new story titled Identity Revealed: Field owner of the money chest case now known as Carl Jones, who passed away this year.

I sputtered and staggered away from the phone.

“The police never said anything about this Carl Jones person!” I snapped, voice growing more and more furious.

“No. You told me once they found out about this they stopped by when no one was around, flashed their warrant, and took off with the loot without a soul knowing except for us. That’s how they got away with this!”

“Which means...if the original guy who owned it passed away, and the police doesn’t have possession over it…”

My heart started to race as I clapped my hand to my forehead, my body trembling from head to toe.

“That money belongs to us.”

At first my voice came out in a whisper, but then a little louder, I declared:

“That money belongs to us!”

I pushed myself off the wall and yelled for Owen, Rachel right at my heels.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where do you think you’re going?” Rachel demanded as I grabbed my jacket off the coat rack.

Right on cue, Owen skipped down the stairs, looking like he was gonna burst with joy.

“Is it enough?” He exclaimed.

I kneeled down next to him and plopped his favorite baseball cap on his head.

“No. But we found something better,” I answered, eyes darting back to Rachel for a second.

“Are you coming?”

“Coming where?” Rachel snapped.

 “To the police station,” I replied, “I doubt the cell tower’s working in this storm, and I’m not waiting for it to be fixed.”

“Have you lost your mind?” Rachel retorted. 

“Possibly, but for a good cause.”

I turned back to Owen, who looked just as bewildered as Rachel.

“What do you say?” I whispered to him.

Owen gulped.

“Do the cops have our money?”

I nodded, eyes hard. Owen crossed his arms and scowled.

“Then I want it back.”

I flashed him a wicked grin.

“That’s my boy,”

Owen hopped in my arms as I threw open the door, a giant gust of wind nearly knocking us and Rachel off our feet. Owen and I shook it off, but Rachel didn’t follow.

“This doesn’t need to involve you,” I whispered back to her when I saw how anxious she looked.

Rachel’s mouth formed a thin line as she lifted her chin a little higher.

“Get in the Honda,” She whispered firmly.

“We got a whole lotta dough at stake,”

Owen whooped as Rachel marched past us and down the hut’s porch. I gently rested my hand on her shoulder to get her to stop.

“Hey,” I said softly when she turned back around.

“You don’t have to do this,”

Rachel locked eyes with me, features so tight with determination I forgot how to breathe for a second.

“You’re right; I don’t have to go. But I wanna,” She whispered firmly.

With that, Rachel pivoted away from me on her heels and made a beeline for the car, despite the tons of rain coming down on her.

When I didn’t move, Owen tugged on my shirt collar and urged me forward.

“Come on, slowpoke!” He exclaimed.

I felt my feet shuffle into the car, and my hand jerk the steering wheel left, but I couldn’t seem to focus on anything else other than those big green eyes under a mob of scarlet hair.


Thunder boomed outside as Owen, Rachel and I piled out of the Honda through the police station’s parking lot and pounded on the building’s door. A man with thick black hair ushered us inside, beady eyes boring it our’s.

“What do you want?” He snapped.

I had to restrain myself from smacking this guy upside the head as Owen slammed his hands down on the man’s receptionist desk.

“What do we want? You stole our property, and we want it back!” He riposted, words dripping with venom.

“Whoa! Easy, buddy,” I quickly pulled him behind me before he could spew out anything else to the man.

The man squinted through his glasses as if seeing us for the first time.

“Wait a minute...you’re the boys who found the buried chest of money!” He gasped, eyes wide with terror.

“Yeah. That field doesn’t belong to this station, so if you wouldn’t mind just handing over the cash and nobody gets sued.”

“I’m sorry. The money’s being deported to fund a policy academy across the state!”

“When?” Rachel snapped.

The man cleared his throat and twiddled his thumbs.

“Now,” He whispered sheepishly.

Eyes blazing, I turned around just in time to see a police car backing out in the window.

“No!” I roared.

Rachel and Owen on my tail, I bolted into the Honda and slammed on the gas pedal. With Rachel hitting the car’s horn, I speeded onto the main road, the police car swerving wildly into the other lane.

“Alex, look out!” Rachel screamed.

Up ahead, I spotted train tracks intersecting the street, the white rods attached to the traffic lights slowly cutting off the only escape to the other side of the road.

The police car wasn’t slowing down and continued to race down the street head on.

“We’re not gonna make it!” Rachel shouted.

“We’re gonna make it!” I roared.

With the reverberating sound of squealing tires, the police car just managed to sneak past the rods right as a giant train chugged by.

I rammed my foot into the breaks just as the Honda was about to be obliterated by the locomotion.

I watched, speechless, as the train gladly consumed what little hope I had of being able to raise my brother without having to scavenge for money every day.

I heard Rachel’s and Owen’s voices screaming into my ears, but everything sounded millions of miles away.

Unable to do anything else, I slowly sank my head into my hands and let the storm outside batter me senseless.

It seemed like I'd lost everything.

But I still had Owen and Rachel, two people that meant the world to me, and my car, and most importantly, my fury.

I didn’t know when, or how, or even where to start.

But I did know one thing.

This was the last straw.




November 07, 2021 16:35

You must sign up or log in to submit a comment.

12 comments

Keya J.
05:24 Nov 12, 2021

Oh my, Elise! You write like a professional. It felt like I was handed over a chapter from a published book. Great choice of words and remarkable way of narration. Too many good lines to pick a favourite. Brilliant story! I'll be waiting for the second part or... maybe a whole book or...series. Who knows?

Reply

Elise Aries
21:30 Nov 12, 2021

Thanks so much! I’m writing a part two for sure…I don’t know about a series, but that’s a great idea! I saw that you submitted a new story for this prompt, too! I look forward to reading it (:

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Jon Casper
11:20 Nov 08, 2021

I love the pacing of this story. The action and dialogue gripped me from the start and I couldn't stop reading. Nice work!

Reply

Elise Aries
22:17 Nov 08, 2021

Thank you so much!

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Alyssa Nelson
00:10 Nov 08, 2021

I LOVE THIS!!! This is a spectacular piece you have here! You really are a very good author!

Reply

Elise Aries
22:17 Nov 08, 2021

Thank you! (:

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Dhwani Jain
12:45 Nov 15, 2021

Hello all! https://wp.me/pd3y1A-fD Please check out my latest post, THE VIRUS, YOU AND ME, a podcast. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did writing it! Dhwani Jain Dream DJ {https://djdhwanijain.wordpress.com/}

Reply

Show 0 replies
Esther :)
19:03 Nov 09, 2021

Loved this story! Great job. Can you post the links to your novels?

Reply

Elise Aries
21:42 Nov 09, 2021

Thank you! Yeah sure: https://blog.reedsy.com/short-story/xqpizz/#comments Have a good day (:

Reply

Esther :)
00:09 Nov 10, 2021

Thanks! Honestly you are amazing!!! And your name is really pretty it sounds like a character from a mythical book!

Reply

Elise Aries
00:28 Nov 10, 2021

Thanks so much! Your name is pretty, too! Have a good day (:

Reply

Show 0 replies
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Show 1 reply
Elise Aries
16:39 Nov 07, 2021

This story is based off the song "Learning to Fly" by the Foo Fighters. It represents a person trying to find a way to live a more meaningful life, which is what this song is about. I hope you enjoy (:

Reply

Show 0 replies
Reedsy | Default — Editors with Marker | 2024-05

Bring your publishing dreams to life

The world's best editors, designers, and marketers are on Reedsy. Come meet them.