Making things write

I am 52 years old and have had a rough life do to drugs. I was married to what I thought was a great man. He turned out to be an abusive one. At our first year of marriage, we were so happy. It was just the two of us. He smoked weed, which I didn't mind. Year's later we began to have our little family. Jr was the first born. He didn't like the idea of being a dad but as time went on he seemed to love it. Everything was going good. Two years later we had the twins. That's when things fell apart. He started doing harder drugs and of course I fell for all the lines he was giving me so when the twins turned 1 I started doing crack with him . I was hooked on it for 8 years. I gave my children to a social worker cause I didn't want them being raised in the environment they were in. I left him after realizing he he never wanted to try and get them back. I had to leave the state where I knew it would be. I moved to Florida got my life straight,got a job,my own apartment,and my own car. I was there for 10 years and during that 10 years, I met a man that saved my life from crack. I moved back to my mom's after 10 years and tried to have a relationship with my boys. But at the time they were still mad at me . I couldn't blame them. I had abandon them. But after 3 years my boys have seen that I was clean and I wanted to be a mother to them. Granted they we're grown. But still I had to try and make things up to my kids but most of all I had to do it for myself. When you're messing with drugs just remembered your not only hurting your self you are hurting the people you love. It has taken many years for my son Randy to come around and call me mom again and not just an egg donor and he says he loves me and calls me all the time. I'm one of the lucky ones that was able to get my life back and be able to be here for my boys. This is a true story. Read it over and over if your on drugs and wanting to stop. I didn't go into rehab I just moved away from the wrong crowd. I got myself clean. If there is a will there is away. I'm not going to sit here and tell you to never try na or rehab it works for some but not all. I went to na and all it showed was how your choice of drug is made and what it does to you. It made me want to go back out and do more. I had my share of rebounds of men since I left the man that called himself my children dad. I recommend that you focus on your goal and yourself before having a relationship. Admit your faults to your family and try to let them know that you are changing for the better for yourself first. The first step is admitting you have a problem and solving it. This doesn't go just to drug users but also alcoholics. Only you can change your future and your life. You have to be strong enough to put the past behind you and find better friends to support you. I don't know what more I can say in this story. Just learn from my mistakes. Glad to say I'm a grandma to 10 grandkids with one being an angle baby. Also my boys have grown up to be great men two are married and one of the two is my oldest with 4 great kids. The youngest twins that had a hard time letting me in is a dad of 4 children. The rest are step grandkids that will always be my grandkids. Also they don't drink or do drugs. I think them living most if their lives seeing them damage that drugs and alcohol can do to a family they have pushed that away. I can never make amends to them but I will die trying. You never realize what you have till you loose it. I hate that these stories have to be 1000 words wish they were shorter. There isn't much left to say. I have grew up alot and learned my life is what I make it and it's the way I plan it to be. Only you can choose the right path in life. Choose to he right one and become a better person not for others but for yourself. I have met a great man in my life, we got married and traveled on cruises twice and went on lots of road trips in the car to meet his family. He knows all about my past but I really don't recommend telling your boyfriend or your new husband all about your past it's just that, your past, leave it there and move forward and make better and great memories. You will see you will be so much happier and have made peace with the ones that love. And who knows, you could have a great life and great children. Never mention your past to them unless you see they are heading down the deep dark path you were on. I wish I could remember my poem I wrote on moving on. Just remember the addiction you chose can only be controlled by you alone. No one controls your life only you do. If you have to screen shot this story and maybe it will bring you peace and the strength to do what you need to for yourself. If you feel you can't do it alone go to a na meeting and find you a sponsor. So when live is trying to drag you back down you can call your sponsor and work threw the addiction issue.