Pile Of Leaves
Julie was walking down the streets of New York, bundled in her favorite wool sweater. It was one of her favorite places in the whole world. The air was brisk and tossed her flowing blonde hair to and fro. The trees indicated that Autumn was coming on with colors of orange and red. She shivered as the wind blew past her and caused the leaves to swirl around her feet. Julie loved this time of year. Her senses were alive with delight at each thing she was experiencing. A sweet smile spread across her face making her eyes squint.
She was approaching the city park when she heard the boisterous sound of children's laughter. It so intrigued her that she just had to investigate. As she turned the next corner and an opening unveiled a scene that thrilled her heart. Children were playing in the leaves. They kept stacking them up with their hands and then instantly jumped into the vast pile. Then they let out a lively bellow of excitement. Julie couldn't help herself. She had to go join in on the fun.
When Julie arrived at the pile, the children just looked at her. They thought they must be in trouble. The oldest boy, Joel, spoke up, "Ma'am, did we do something wrong?" This question startled Julie. "Oh no, dear boy. I want to join in on the fun. I remember doing this when I was a little girl." The children all looked at each other and laughed. Then they started throwing leaves at Julie, and she replicated the gesture. It was a storm of flying leaves.
Julie fell to the ground, holding her stomach, laughing the deepest and purest laugh she had experienced in such a long time. Laying on the ground, the children covered her with a heap of leaves. She didn't mind at all. It just made her giggle all the more. Suddenly, Julie took a deep breath, and the smell of the red, orange and yellow leaves instantly transported her to her childhood home in upstate New York. She sat up and found herself on the farm that she loved. "How can this be happening? What am I doing here? This isn't possible." However, her questions didn't stop her from exploring. Jumping up to her feet and shaking off the leaves, she felt like the carefree little girl that she left behind so long ago.
Julie first ran to her house. She peered into the window of the living room. The fire was dancing in the hearth, and all the decorations adorned the place like it did when Julie was young. Then she ran to the back porch to see if the scarecrow was where he was supposed to be, and to her delight, there he stood. Next, Julie decided to check out the barn. Once she got there, she looked into the stall where Lucky lived. Lucky was her favorite horse. She walked into the stall, and Lucky nudged her with the side of his face. Julie hugged Lucky. "Lucky, I miss you so much. I'm glad you are doing alright." After a few minutes of snuggling, she decided to go to her favorite tree.
It was a huge apple tree, so tall and stately. Its leaves were starting their fall transformation. On the very top of the tree, there was a patch of lovely yellow leaves. She caught a glimpse of them as she ran toward the tree. When she saw the tree, she could literally taste the sweet essences of the apples. The tree was in the field behind her house. When she got there, she hugged the tree. A small tear slid down her cheek as she remembered many hours sitting under this tree. She would imagine her life as an adult and how wonderful it would be to finally the boss. She then searched the tree to see if there were any apples left. She found a few, but they were not suitable for eating, at least by a human. She plopped down in her little spot and took in a deep breath. "Oh, how good it is to be here. I don't understand why I'm here, but I like it very much."
Julie was sitting in her thinking spot; her mind went back to her current life full of stress and unfulfilled dreams. She wondered if she had this opportunity to realign her priorities. As an adult, Julie had forgotten what made her happy. She had joined the rat race of climbing the corporate ladder. So Julie laid her head back against the tree and closed her eyes. She felt peace. Peace is something she needed and wanted more to live a happy life.
Suddenly, the children were shaking her. She heard their voices. She opened her eyes to see a circle of children hovering over her with terrified faces staring at her stilled body. Clearing her throat, "It's alright, children. I'm fine. I'm sorry I scared you." Julie got up and wiped the leaves from her wool sweater and out of her face. The children just stood there staring at her with confusion. Julie thanked the children for letting her play in the leaves with them. "I had so much fun, and again, I'm sorry if I scared you." The children waved goodbye to Julie in unison. She decided it was time to go home.
When Julie arrived at her apartment, she looked around and saw no fall decorations, no fruit displayed in beautiful glass bowls. It was just bare and sterile. Julie shook her head in frustration and knew that things had to change. She knew that there was a better way to live, and she had to reconnect with simple pleasures. She said, "If I'm going to live this life, I have to enjoy it. I had a strange chance today to look back and remember. Now it's time to do something."
Getting the decorations out of her attic, she beamed with joy at the sights and smells of fall that the adornments created. She vowed to remember what is essential in life. "I can climb the ladder of success, but I need to keep a good balance." She walked to her window to see the beautiful fall leaves as they danced the waltz – just for her.
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4 comments
Your incorporation of Julie's nostalgia was there, very clear. One thing I might suggest in the future would be allowing yourself the chance to describe things with a little more freedom, a little more of the showing instead of telling, but I think that the story was, overall, a delightful little read. I especially enjoyed your ending sentence. It was a nice note to end on, and the imagery did invoke a picture in my mind. Thank you for sharing your work with everyone, Ladonna.
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Olivia, Thank you for your kind words and words of wisdom. I’ve been told to show, not tell for years. Can you take an excerpt from the story I shared and show me how to show, not tell? I would be so grateful. LaDonna
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One spot that stands out is "The fire was dancing in the hearth, and all the decorations adorned the place like it did when Julie was young." Here, you have a nice sentence, but it fall just a little flat. The first part of the sentence about the fire is pretty strong imagery, overall well done, but it's set-off by the second half of the sentence. You may have an idea of what the room's decorations is like, but the audience has nothing other than "the decorations." One way you might change this is by saying "The fire was dancing in the heart...
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No dialogue telling not showing.
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