i am with you

         With consciousness came the pain, it exploded through her being, every inch of her body hurt, she felt it in her bones, her muscles and her skin. The slightest movement of her head sent unbearable agony racing along the nerves of her body. 

Through the pain she heard a calm voice speaking to her,

        “Callie, wake up.”   She ignored the voice as she struggled with the pain, but the voice was persistent.  “Callie, Wake up!”                                                

        Slowly she opened her eyes to see who was calling her.   What she saw was a glorious canopy of stars. Never had she seen so many stars, their brilliance and clarity sparkled like diamonds floating in a sea of blue.  She was transfixed; she didn’t wonder where she was or how she’d gotten there. She momentarily forgot the pain and the voice. In awe she gazed at the beauty above her. It wasn’t until she let out a heavy sigh that reality came crashing down. Instantly fiery spasms exploded in her throat. Her hands flew up to her neck trying to soothe, but instead of her smooth throat they encountered course bindings rapped snugly around it. Panic set in, what was happening, how did she get here and why was she bound like a pig for slaughter.  Frantically she clawed at the bindings, causing them to tighten, increasing the pain and her panic.  Tears started coursing down her face.  She was swiftly loosing any semblance of reason. 

          “Calm down, Callie” the voice quietly said and   

instantly calm came over her and she ceased struggling, she felt her heart slow as the panic subsided. Bewildered but calmer now, she was able to remove the ligature from her neck. Weary from the struggle she laid still and returned her eyes to the stars once again, they were so peaceful, so beautiful. They were something normal in the middle of insanity.

        She lay still and took stock of her body, slowly as to not exacerbate the pain, she moved her arms. They ached but it was tolerable, next she moved her legs, it was painful but didn’t feel like anything was broken, so she tried sitting up, immediately

dizziness and nausea made her fall back to the ground.  Twigs and stones jabbed her in the back. Breathing rapidly she tried to still the tears that had started coming again.                                  

         “Callie, you need to get up and hide, he is coming.”

        “Who is coming?” she tried to ask, but no sound came out from her tortured vocal cords. She sat up very slowly looked around to see who was speaking to her. She shivered as she felt the biting cold nipping at her. Nausea and dizziness assaulted her again, but she fought through it as she scanned her surroundings. The moon lit up a wide grassy meadow and she was all alone.

           “Now Callie!”  The voice firmly spoke, interrupting her thoughts.  She felt a hand pull her to her feet and push her towards the trees. She took a wobbly step forward, trying to catch her balance. 

Again the voice spoke, “Now Callie, go! I am with you.”

            Forcing herself to move, limping at first then becoming more steady, she moved out of the meadow. She didn’t try to process who or where the voice was coming from. She just needed to get away, from what she didn’t know. She couldn’t remember anything beyond waking to the voice.  She focused on the tree line at the edge of the meadow, refusing to let herself dwell on anything but getting to the trees.

          Once she was a few feet into the forest she collapsed against a tall pine. The pain was so unbearable she didn’t think she could go another step. Hugging the tree for support she started to sit down.  

         “NOOOOoooooo! “ An angry scream sounded from the meadow, it sent icy tremors down her spine.

       She froze; terror stiffened her spine like an iron rod. Images flashed through her mind, but she shut them out. Horror came with the flashes and she knew if she let them in she’d be done for.   Instinctively she knew that the person behind the voice was a monster, a demon out to devour her.   

Panic almost sent her into flight mode, but the voice spoke to her again, “Peace, be still.”

       “Where are you WITCH?  It roared.  “I will find you; hiding will only prolong the pain I have in store for you! You are mine!”

      It yelled in a playful tone, which scared her more than the scream had. It continued yelling for her as it searched the surroundings, but she could tell by the pitch he was getting angrier.  

     “Callie you can to move now.” The calm voice spoke to her again. Yes, move she nodded listening to the monster thrashing through the meadow. She headed farther into the trees as quietly as possible.  She saw the beam of a flashlight behind her.   She stopped and watched the light, was it coming closer? Her heart seemed to stop, sitting like a rock in her chest.  Suddenly the light seemed to veer away from her direction.  She watched for several minutes more until the light disappeared from sight.  Her heart started beating again.

        Glancing around to get her bearings, she realized she was heading uphill, into thicker forest. She needed to find help. She couldn’t head back to the clearing, not with the monster in that direction. Which way should she go? Her mind raced as her eyes kept constant surveillance.  Indecision was all but choking her. Then she saw a star, it was shining so much brighter than the others.  It was like a beacon calling to her. So she decided to head toward it.  No crazier than listening to a disembodied voice speaking to her, she mused. Then another thought crossed her mind, maybe the voice sent the star to guide her.

           As she walked she could see the faint beam of light

every now and then, but it was still at a distance.    Step by step she went down the mountain, following the star. She was dizzy and thirsty, and pain was blocking almost everything out. Going down

wasn’t easy, it was like traversing an obstacle course.  Boulders and fallen trees littered the ground.  She concentrated on every step to keep from slipping on the loose debris that littered the forest floor...  As she climbed down off a boulder, she became distracted thinking about the calm voice, was it just her subconscious telling her things she already was aware of? That sounded logical, but she didn’t think that was it. Was it God? She wasn’t sure. Did she even believe in God? She couldn’t remember that either.

        “I believe in you.” The voice sounded in her mind.    

          Startled she took step and her foot slipped on the rocks and debris.  She felt her ankle give way as she fell face first into a tree, scraping a layer of skin off her cheek. She screamed in agony but only a whimper escaped. Pain shot through her chest making it difficult to breath. She thought her ankle was broken. She lay facedown on the large jagged boulder which she had landed on, unable to move.  Blood dripped down her face and onto the stone.  Despair rolled through her, it was too much, and the tears started slow, but rapidly became a torrent. She was going to die, her head spinning, she gasped for air.   Darkness started enveloping her, the pain decreased as the darkness took over. Her last conscience thought was,

           “Oh God please….” And she slipped into the comforting arms of oblivion.

           The sound of herself softly moaning awoke her, that and a wet tongue licking her face. She slowly opened her eyes; there above her was a huge grizzly bear.  She couldn’t contain the gasp that escaped her lips. The bear stilled when he heard it. Eye to eye they stared at each other. Callie in terror and the bear in curiosity.  He nudged her with his head a couple of times, then gave her another slobbery lick before he peacefully lumbered away. Callie lay frozen, unable to believe what had just happened. She stayed where she was for probably a half hour, thinking.  What had surprised her the most had been her urge to curl her fingers into that thick soft fur. She came to the conclusion that she was probably crazy and it was better if she never truly remembered anything about herself.

          “So nice of you to wait for me” a voice drawled lazily. She instantly went rigid. 

         She looked at the monster that was now kneeling over her. What she saw wasn’t the monster she had pictured in her mind but rather a handsome looking young man, his features were perfect, he had high cheek bones and a strong dimpled chin. The days worth of stubble that gave him the rugged Marlboro man look.   He was smiling down on her with the brightness of the moon highlighting his pleasant face. Flashes of memories flooded her mind. Blood and pain intermingled with terror. Looking into his eyes was like glimpsing Hell; they were empty, black, void of compassion, empathy or humanity. 

       “Oh God, bring back the bear, his eyes showed more feelings.” She silently cried out.

       She tried to jerk away from him, but couldn’t. He wasn’t taking the chance of losing her again.  He tied her hands and feet with the same twine he had wrapped around her neck. He leaned down mere inches from her face, the putrid stench of his hot breath hit her like a furnace. She tried unsuccessfully not to gag.  He grinned at her discomfort and breathed heavily into her face.  Hell came to her mind again, his breath smelled like sulfur or rotten eggs, but sulfur described it best.  Her eyes filled with tears whether from the stench or fear, she didn’t know.  He saw the tears and his smile became wider, he relished in it. It excited him to see the tears rolling down her face, mixing with the dried blood.  Slowly with almost gentleness he wrapped his hands around her neck and started squeezing. Spots floated before her eyes, terror and blackness started to take over.

         “Fear not, I am with you.”   The voice sounded in her mind.

 Anger, replaced the terror for an instant.

        “Don’t fear! He’s killing me with you watching.” “Help me!” She silently screamed as the terror resumed its grip on her.   

        Suddenly the air was there, flowing into her, and the blackness was receding.  A comforting warmth enveloped her. She stopped struggling, and accepted the blessed oxygen seeping past her damaged pipes and into her lungs.

         She lay still taking shallow but steady breaths; it took a moment for her to register the screaming. It was horrible; she froze again and listened as the ragged screams became choked gurgling then a final gasp.  Silence followed for several seconds, then

she heard a broken growl and heavy breathing. The bear was back. Closer and closer he came, soon it was right over her. She saw the blood all over its muzzle. It stared at her again, but didn’t lick or nuzzle her.  Her body stayed motionless but her mind was racing.  Would it kill her too?   She tried to wrack her brain for any information she could remember about these animals and all she could remember was to stay still and play dead.  The creature stood over her and when the smell of blood invaded her nose she almost gagged, fear was escalating into panic. The creature sensed her rising panic and finally nudged her as before.  ‘

        ”Callie, Stay calm I am with you.” The voice calmly said. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and felt a calming presence flow through her as the bear lumbered away. 

        She stayed silent but alert until she no longer heard the creature. Sitting up painfully she looked around and the first thing she saw was her attacker. He was thrown chest down, his face turned toward her and his legs twisted around a stubby pine tree. No more evil smile donning his once handsome face, now it was

torn and ragged and slack with death. His eyes no longer filled with darkness now they were just gray with lifelessness. She knew she should feel remorse for the death of another human being but

all she felt was relief.

         She didn’t waste any time waiting for the bear to return, luckily for her, her hands were tied in the front, so she was able to reach down and untie her feet, her hands however were a different matter. Painfully she struggled to stand, able to she crawled to a nearby tree and used it for leverage. The dizziness almost sent her back to her knees.  She was sure her ribs were cracked, each breath was torture. When the dizziness passed she took a step away from the tree and down she went. Her ankle would not support her weight. Exhausted and breathless, she just laid where she had fallen, crying and feeling every bit of the hopeless of her situation. She used her arms to push herself over gasping as stabbing pain ripped through her body.  Trying to breath she stared through the tears and looked at the sky, the stars were still there but she was searching for something more. 

        “Help me Father, I need you,”  a long forgotten prayer escaping her lips. 

         After several minutes she pushed herself up, looking around she spotted a branch that looked sturdy. She crawled toward the branch, and gave her attacker one last look.   He wasn’t the scary monster anymore, now he was just pitiful and sad.  She briefly wondered how she had become his captive, but when the flashes started coming she pushed them away. The mental trauma was as painful as her physical torment. When she had finally got close enough she grabbed the branch; she put the fork of the branch under her arm pit and pushed herself upright. Once standing she took a tentative step forward. Relieved, the branch took the pressure off her ankle she took another hobbling step. Her body screamed but she knew she couldn’t wait here for help, not with the bear roaming about.  She looked up toward the heavens and saw a star twinkling brightly, she didn’t know if it was the same star but she headed off in the general direction.

         She’d been walking for what seemed like hours, when she realized that everything seemed darker and the moon no longer illuminated the forest. Hopelessness set in. Even with the light of the moon she was struggling, but if she couldn’t see where

she was going...  Despair was gnawing at her but she continued to stagger along more than walking, just putting one foot in front of the other was taking more concentration than her mind was able to process. Weakness invaded her limbs, causing her to drop to

her knees. She stayed where she had fallen and bowed her pounding head, her breath came out ragged and the pain was so intense it was muddling her thoughts. 

        ‘Just give up’ her body was telling her. 

       “Callie, I am with you.” She ignored the voice and listened to her own consciousness.  Give up? Yes, she sobbed, she couldn’t go on, it was just too hard! The pain had robbed her of energy; breathing was a battle she couldn’t continue to fight. No one would know if she just lay down and gave up; after all she was all alone. 

      “Callie, you are not alone. I am with you, I will never leave you or forsake you”  She lifted her head,

       “Who are you” she cried.

        “I am,…. I am he that loves you” that startled

her, the voice had never answered her before.

         “Why? Do you love me? I don’t even know me.” she whispered.  She sat there waiting for the voice to speak again, but the only sounds she heard was that of the wind caressing the branches. She did feel love and peace filling her being though. It was hard to understand, where hopeless was; now peace reigned. Where fear clung, now comfort and assurance took over. Love swept its loving embrace over her.  The presence that had been with her so many times that night was with her, guiding her protecting her.  So she pushed herself back up and staggered ahead she had only gone a few yards when she tripped again and fell on a hard surface. It was just registering to her that she was on a road when headlights came upon her.   She closed her eyes and threw her arm up; she heard tires squeal as the vehicle came to a sudden stop.   Only when she heard the car door open and footsteps rushing to her did she dare to open her eyes. In front of her was a park ranger. Clearly upset by the near accident he anxiously questioned her.

       “What happened to you?  How badly are you hurt?  Why are you out here?” 

        Relief flooded her and a certainty that she knew who had saved her.  Tears of joy filled her eyes as she stared at the ranger without speaking, he became frantic when she didn’t answer and ran back to his truck to radio for help. When he left her she sighed and lay back on the cool asphalt. She let the dam holding back her memories burst and though painful, she still was able to feel at peace. With a smile tugging at her split lips and tears rolling down her cheeks, she raised her eyes to the star filled heavens and whispered,

     “Thank you Father, for saving me and loving me and never leaving me alone.”