It Takes Two

“Look, I don’t care what you believe, but you seem to be incapable of expressing a consistent view. Take that T-shirt you are wearing. A picture of a large, what appears to be one of those foam fingers, pointing in whichever direction you turn, like a gun barrel. And that message? You Voted for an Idiot! Now how are people supposed to take that? Everyone thinks the other guy is the idiot. If that is your point have the courage to say so. What you are doing is like leaving a tenuous note about what you want from Santa, telling him why you should get the best presents because you’ve been better than everyone else, but not telling him what it is you deserve, or why.”

Sometimes I get to wrapped up in her antics. I know she can’t help what she is, does. It is just that you have to take a position sometimes. You can’t just play both sides against the middle. Life doesn’t work that way. She is not a priestess hearing confessions and giving out absolutions like Halloween treats.

“I know I’m not always straight forward. Blame it on my upbringing. Catholics are notorious for believing in miracles, and you know there is nothing decisive about miracles. It is nothing personal.  I was raised to be polite. I was raised to not upset people. I was taught to honor my elders. You see that doesn’t leave a lot of people left to educate, if that is what you think I’m trying to do. But my point is, if I have to explain, is that people need to educate themselves.

And I don’t feel comfortable with confrontation. It makes me nervous. No one gains anything, and everyone seems only to get angrier when challenged. When people are angry they don’t think clearly. They throw logic out the window, and revert to what they tell me is, common sense. But whose common sense? Mine? Yours? There is no common in sense, it’s personal, exclusionary.

No one ever asks me how I feel. They expect me, because of us, to feel like you do about things, everything really. And I don’t. I feel about things the way I, feel about them. No one ever asks me, they assume. I don’t offer. Why? No one is ever satisfied unless the answers or sermons meet their needs. So why bother. It is better to stay in the middle of the road, completely still, and just watch them speed by, hoping they are unimpaired. 

I do try, but all I see in people is chaos, resentment, frustration, and more frustration. Everyone is so wound up about everything, they even look weird when they laugh. It’s like it hurts. Maybe that is why they never laugh anymore, rarely smile. So you see, I don’t want to pick sides. No matter which side I pick, I’ll be on the wrong side of someone. You must be able to see that.”

I had no idea she was so distraught over what is going on. Yes, the world at times seems like it is going to go off its axis, but it never does. That is the point. We blow things out of proportion until everything seems like it is going to burst into flames, consume us all. But it doesn’t. 

We let ourselves be consumed by the news, radio, TV, movies. You can’t turn around and someone is not attempting to tell you how to dress, what to eat, to be careful or you’ll end up wearing the wrong jeans to the coronation. None of it makes sense, but then that isn’t the point I guess. We are expected to take a side. If we don’t, then those that feel differently about things will have their way. They will assume because there is no one objecting that they must be right. That is how power rises from the ashes and takes control. 

When I think of the mess we have made of most things, wars, famine, even stories. No one is satisfied unless some hero rides off on a broom with sparks flying out of their…well, no one is satisfied with reality. It is too boring. It is to well-coordinated, choreographed to the lives we live. We match, or we don’t. I don’t know if anyone cares any longer. 

I see what she is getting at, but you can’t not do something, or say something, because someone might be offended. Being offended is the way we learn to appreciate the other side of humanity. Listening to only those that believe what we believe, or worship as we worship, only leaves us more intrenched in what may not be the right answer, but it is all we have, all we know at that point, so we refuse to let go, no matter the evidence to the contrary.

When you are offended when someone asks you to defend a belief, it tells me that you are not sure of your own beliefs. It is like those people who believe in heaven but are afraid to die. It is contradictory.  They scream and holler about you being the problem, when really they are just frightened that they may be the ones in the wrong. What then?

If you believe in something you should want to defend your beliefs. That way, you know what you actually believe in. If you can’t, then perhaps you are going down the wrong path.

“When you question people, you are asking them to explain themselves, their ideas. I expect that is what you are attempting to do with that message you are wearing. You are not asking them to change their views to suit yours. If they can’t see it that way then they are unsure of their own beliefs. I get that, it's the conversion factor that bothers me the most. 

It is like abortion, gay marriage, the death penalty, they all are matters of the heart and soul. I would not participate in an abortion, but then I don’t have to. It is not my place to tell you what to do. You have to live with your own choices. For me to place blame on you is not going to change your stance, it is only going to upset you, or make your decision all the more intractable. And it is not my intension to do so.

So many of the things we become upset about are things we can’t do anything about. They may be upsetting, but they are not in our power to change. There are hundreds of things we have to decide upon for ourselves. They are personal choices that we have to live with. But why let them make us crazy?

Me hating someone, or becoming angry because of their beliefs only detracts from my beliefs. If you believe the story, we will meet judgement after we die, and we will be judged for the way we live our lives, then why spend so much time on what others believe. There is nothing in the story about a panel of judges that I recall. I do not believe I will be judged by the way others lived their lives. So for me to waste my life attempting to live your life, makes no sense. I want to be judged for who I am, and for what I’ve done with my life. As much as I care about you, I can’t live your life for you. I can’t be judged in your place. As they say, you got to walk that valley by yourself. 

If I agree with you, or not, I can, and must, respect your right to be who you are. Allow you to believe in what you believe in. If our beliefs and resulting actions are similar, so be it. If they are not, it is up to us to live up to what we stand for, not condemn the other for their stance. 

Does this make any sense to you?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. I presumed you would try and dissuade me. I should not have remained vague about my intentions. But my choices as you say, are mine. I do not attempt to change your mind about things, because I feel I don’t have the right. It is not that I don’t have an opinion on things, I just don’t see the sense in expressing it. Like I said, people only agree or seem to be offended and get angry. It is best for me if I just keep my thoughts and words to myself.

Can we agree that is what is best for me. And I hope what is best for us. OK?”

“Alright, now let's go show off that shirt of yours.”