Lucy are you there?

Dear Diary no no no that sounds like I am a 13-year-old girl about to start writing about how I just kissed Aaron for the first time… Well, that actually wouldn't be a bad start, I guess. Gosh, how can anyone just sit down and write, I have no clue why I decided to even start this journaling thing anyway. Oh, I remember now, to get some peace. How can anyone write to find peace is beyond me. Darn you surviving life blog, this will be relaxing and fun. Fun ha that is laughable, what could be so fun about journaling but none the less I do need to be more mindful of things and "they" whoever they are, said that this would help you be more cognizant of your thoughts. I guess, but where do you even start with it. What do I journal about? I mean I could go on and on about my personal feeling about journaling, is that what journaling is about? Just your own everyday thoughts. I mean what is the whole point of writing your own thoughts down on paper, what if it falls into the wrong hands, and now they know your deepest darkest personal thoughts and feelings. WOW, this journaling is going to be pretty entertaining to read later on in life.

What if lol I'm such a weirdo. I mean I guess I can talk about my day, it was not very eventful, especially with all the craziness that has been happening in the world these days. First, I was up at the butt crack of dawn at 2 am, it comes with the job, unfortunately. I work overnights, so that's a start, I don't get regular sleep it's a series of comatose naps at random times of the day. Since I work 4 10 hour shifts, my first day off is usually spent in a Coma for about 14+ hours, but lately, I have had to reduce the hours in bed because I'm in the process of moving, which is not the best thing. I realized that I have a way to much stuff, and it should be illegal for one person to have this many things. So many nicks nack and patty wack and give a dog a bone, which oddly enough I actually have stuff for a dog including a bone. But for the past 2 years in my apartment, I have not had a dog, and come to think of it, I have not had a single animal since being in this apartment. You see, I feel like it is wrong for me to get a pet to keep them cooped up in a tiny apartment. Dogs need a backyard, a place to run free for the day, or whenever they what too. But anyways journal, I hope if you could read this that you are getting a kick out of my delusional scenarios about someone stealing my journal lol. Well, I guess that is all the journaling for today, until the same time tomorrow. It's a date, paper.

Signed a confusing first-time journaler <- is that even a real word?    

Hey, it's me confused again day 2 of this journaling expedition, and I am a bit more confused as to what I should be writing in this journal. I struggled with even wanting to write in it. You see, I buy lovely journals all the time with the glimmer of hope that this will be the journal that gets me to write more. So I go and scourer the earth, and by the earth, I mean the Ross by my apartment looking for the perfect journal. I usually find 3 or 4 that I must have because what else do I need but not 1, not 2, but 4 brand new beautiful leather-bound, okay, so I only have 1 really expensive leather-bound journal. Why do I even need 4 journals anyone I cant fill one 20 page journal up? Yes, though, I need 4 brand new journals… Of course, I do, that is what all writers need. However, I am not, in fact, a writer, more of an aspiring writer with no time to actually write a real story. But hey, you have to start somewhere right. Why not journaling? That could lead to writing more and actually writing a novel, maybe. My life is a story, one that is full of downs and ups but more downs than ups. Well, I'm exhausted. I will see you same time tomorrow. Night journal. 

Day 3 of journaling…. OMG!!!! OMG!!! I can't believe it, This has got to be the worst day ever! Why did you do this to me? I hate him so much. If you ghost someone and then 3 weeks later, text them with no explanation and then get mad at them for asking what happened. SERIOUSLY! Don’t text me ever again! Urrggrgrgrgrggr. I really like this guy, and I thought things were going great until all of a sudden, he stopped replying to my text stopped answering my calls. Then now he is back, and I should just deal with it. I don't understand guys at all. I know that I am a bit needy, but it's only because I really really liked him. I mean Gosh, I thought he could be the one. I guessed wrong. I have such horrible luck with men. I don't understand why journal. I should really give you a name it's a bit weird not calling you a name, well maybe it is equally strange if I give you a name, and then I start saying in public I was writing Lucy (my journal) and told her this that and the other. Told you journal, I'm a weirdo. Okay, whatever I am going to call you, Lucy. Anyway, Lucy, I don't understand why I cant seem to find a guy that doesn’t ghost me then reappears. Oh, but the worse ones are the ones that you have gone on serval dates with, and then you're about to do the deed, you know what I am talking about. AND HE SAYS, MY GIRLFRIEND!!!! WHAT?!?!?!? Girlfriend.? excuse me, you have a girlfriend. And he responds, Yeah, I told you… ARE YOU KIDDING ME? You NEVER said to me that you had a girlfriend and a kid on the way! What the heck is wrong with you, man. GET UP and GET OUT NOW!!!! I would prefer to never speak to you again. Then years pass by, and they reach out to you wanted to take you to lunch. How does your girlfriend feel about that, huh? Anyway, that is the end of my rant. You know what Lucy this is actually not as bad as it seems. Granted, you can't give me any advice, but it is nice being able to vent and not be interrupted, so KUDOS TO YOU LUCY! Anywho I need to get ready for night time. Good night Lucy, Signed not so confused about the journal as I was day 1. 