The Light of My Life

 The Light of My Life

                                            by Cara Fidler

Note: Some sexual content that may not be suitable for minors.

Enveloped in the sweet warmth and comfort of my embroidered silk comforter in the inky darkness of my bedroom, I switched on the tiny lamp on the table beside my bed and then I saw it. The framed picture of my lover had come alive. His arms were outstretched reaching for me, beckoning to me, "Come to me, baby...I want you..." His voice, masculine, deep, alluring...the same voice I knew oh so well. 

Ten years ago, the love of my life had died in a tragic car accident that haunted me to this day. His name was Mike, and he was the picture of the All-American-Boy-Next door with wavy, golden blonde hair, broad shoulders, narrow hips, beautiful blue eyes and a very sexy, hairy chest. And now he was very much alive in my bedroom. His presence intoxicating. It was like the power came on where there had been none. So startled was I, that I sat bolt upright, listening, eyes wide open as he gestured to me, and called out to me...."I want you..." 

The next thing I knew he was next to me in bed touching me, caressing me, tasting me, his arms wrapped around me kissing me deeply, passionately, our legs entwined, his mouth pressed hard against mine, locked in a passionate embrace...a glorious feeling fueled by the passage of time, emptiness, desire and longing. All of my senses were at a feverish pitch. "Oh, yes...oh, yes...oh yes." I had never felt anything so wonderful. We were making love. He took my breath away, our bodies locked together as one, inside of me, hands clasped. The most glorious feeling I'd ever known. He set me on fire. "Come for me," he said, tears in his eyes." And then the most powerful, intense orgasm I'd ever experienced:"Ohhhhhh.....Ohhhhhh......Ohhhhhh." I moaned.

We layed there holding each other's naked bodies, not wanting to let go. After that, we fell asleep in each other's arms.

When I woke up, Mike was gone. I looked at the picture and saw that it had been replaced by the lifelike picture of a beautiful ivory bird with a tiny red heart around its neck that said, "You're my heart," etched in gold. I was enchanted, exhilarated, wondering if I'd been dreaming...but this was no dream. I realized then that what had been dead inside of my soul had been brought to life in the most mysterious, exquisite way. No words could express the depth of emotions I was feeling. I stared at this lovely bird. I layed there in disbelief, suspended in the warmth of a cocoon draped down upon me by something so mysterious, incomprehensible, magical. 

Finally, I got out of bed, picked up the picture and carried it with me into the kitchen and sat it down on the counter next to the coffee maker. I wanted this magical picture to come alive again with his arms outstretched, smiling at me, calling out to me, touching me everywhere. Something inside me felt hopeful and seemed to say, keep the faith...that he would reappear and we would be together again. 

I sat down at the kitchen table, sunlight streaming into the small space lifting me up into the promise of more to come. My heart seemed to fathom what had happened, but my mine searched for some explanation that squared with reality. But there was none. Don't analyze it, I said to myself. Miracles happen. I was going to ride this wave for all it was worth. I clutched the picture and carried it with me as I started my day. 

It was Saturday and I had the weekend off, nowhere to be, no people to see. Just me catapulted into something greater than any dream I could ever imagine. Now I wanted to see his face and opened up the desk drawer where I kept my photo albums and reached for one that was full of photos of him and I. I took them out of the album and scattered them on the carpet in front of me: So many beautiful memories. 

Something was happening...the pictures were coming alive! I was back in Bermuda on vacation, so happy lying next to him on the sandy white beach, crystal clear water kissed by the sun, not a care in the world. Then I was jettisoned to Aspen high up on a ski lift surrounded by faded emerald trees. Next I was being transported to The Blue Ridge Mountains, arm in arm, beneath a dazzling blue sky. 

And then it happened, once again. His deep voice pierced the silence and said, "Told you I'd be back, baby." The beautiful white bird flew out of the picture and disappeared when Mike reached out to me and handed me a bouquet of Sunflowers...my favorite flower. Then he was sitting next to me on the rug, arms outstretched, smiling broadly. 

"Let's go sailing," he said.  

"Sailing? Okay! Let's go sailing," I said excitedly. He followed me into the bedroom, sat down on the bed and watched me put on a pair of white shorts, a sleeveless top, my sneakers and a baseball cap.

"I've missed you so much," he said. I sat down happily next to him and he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me. I couldn't get enough of him. The next thing I knew we were making love again. "Don't stop I said, "Don't stop." I moaned, as he pleasured me, devouring me.

On the way to the marina, he held my hand as he steered with the other. It was as if no time had passed since we'd been together. We stopped and picked up some food and a bottle of wine. It was a beautiful day out on the water, a perfect day for sailing under a canapy of blue sky, a nice breeze, the sun shining, warming us. We clung to each other not wanting to let 

"Wadda you say we take off and go somewhere," he said, looking at me intently. 

"That would be fantastic," I said, then continued, "Where do you want to go?" I asked taking a sip of wine.

"I've always wanted to go to Hawaii," he said as he ran his fingers through his hair. 

"Hawaii?" I repeated, envisioning paradise. "That sounds perfect." I said happily. "Let's go there."

"And while were out there, why don't we get married?" he said smiling at me, looking into my eyes, reaching for my hand.

"Really?" I said happily, his words were a symphony to my ears."

"Yes, what better place to tie the knot." he said, taking me in his arms.

"Yes!" I said, "I would love to marry you, Mike."

In the ten years since Mike's death, there hadn't been anyone else who could hold a candle to him. I had lost faith and felt angry and bitter at the Lord for taking him away from me. I had never really gotten over it. Mike was so decent. He had integrity and character...and he was funny, too, with a wicked sense of humor. There wasn't anything that he couldn't build or fix. He was a good friend who was always willing to lend a hand, hardworking, and smart. 

Now, here we were together again in the most magical way. It had to be a miracle of sorts. The Lord works in mysterious ways, I believed. There was no rational explanation for what had happened. And I didn't care as I was diving deep into something so divine that was overflowing with indescribeable pleasures and joy.  

Suddenly, there was a perceptible and powerful shift of energy, reaching down into the boat, enveloping us, and lifting us up into the sky, shepharding us to some unknown place...The next thing I knew I was back in my livingroom...alone! I looked at the picture and saw us together on the sailboat. "Come back, Mike!" I cried out. "Come back!"

I sat down on the carpet and touched the scattered photographs hoping that they would come alive again. Nothing. Just lifeless photos. Now dark shadows cast a depressing shroud over the room overwhelming me with a profound sadness. I picked up the framed picture of the bird and went into my bedroom where I crawled underneath the blanket, holding the picture close to my heart. I desperately wanted him to come back. I was at a loss to understand all that had happened. I'd gotten a taste of something so sublime, so intoxicating... bringing me back to life in the most joyful way. 

I got out of bed, too restless to sleep. I paced back and forth across the length of the room. "Please come back!" I begged. "Please come back!" I sat down in my chair and wept. Tears rolled down my cheeks. I was beside myself. I sat there in darkness devoid of comfort, missing my love, my heart, thinking about our night of passion. 

And then the answer to my prayers came at me as the ivory bird flew towards me and landed on my shoulder and said, "I will comfort you." I touched the bird's velvety feathers and the bird smiled at me. I got into bed and the little bird perched himself on the pillow beside me, watching over me as I looked at him, grateful for his presence. "I am here my friend." the bird said to me, in the sweetest voice. My eyelids were heavy and I drifted off to sleep, comforted by the little bird resting on the pillow beside me, as I slept peacefully. When I woke up, I saw that the bird was gone.

"Where are you?" 

But there was nothing. I got up and walked to the bathroom where I splashed some cold water on my face. What now I thought? 

The day wore on interminably. Now there was only darkness and I was no longer hopeful that Mike would once again return. It was as if an oppressive steel door, dark and foreboding, was locking down on my heart and spirit. I stared at the framed picture of the ivory bird with the velvety feathers for hours on end hoping and praying that it would speak to me. "Please Mike---don't leave me alone now. I need you." I prayed to the Lord for his comfort, and slept ever mindful of the possibility of Mike's sweet return. 

I was a teacher. I had classes to teach, papers to grade, lessons to prepare. I went through the motions just as I had done after Mike had died. It was familiar territory. I struggled to find some way to embrace what had happened and at the same time to lay this chapter of my life to rest. It had been the most mysterious, meaningful, unforgettable experience of my life. I wanted to cherish every single second of my time with him.

A week had passed since that glorious day with Mike, and I had somehow come to terms with the likelihood that that was the end of it, when the lovely ivory bird reappeared and flew onto the table next to me, flapping its wings joyfully, as if to say, hope springs eternal..."I'm sorry baby....that it took me sooo long to get back here." Mike said to me. And there he was sitting in the chair next to me!

"You came back! You came back! You're here!" I cried, tears welling up in my eyes.

"I'm here baby... here to stay," he said kissing me and hugging me. My prayers had been answered. My love was back, and this time I knew it would be forever.