Death of a Shadow Demon

Introduction

This story contains themes that hint towards childhood abuse and racism towards mixed race youth, as well as the effects of said behavior on a supernatural protagonist before the years of his hero's journey.

Prologue

The following is taken from the Grimoire of Afro Asian Urban Alchemist, Jamal Dumare. Before his accent into Shadow Magic mastery; he battled demons of nature far more dangerous than he could imagine.

Act I

For years I listened to him; followed him, obeyed him as if his advice contained wisdom. How wrong was I. His origins should have been my first red flag before acting on his advice at pivotal times in my life; but I never analyzed where he really came from before thinking he was trustworthy. Who is this misleading false teacher you may ask? He was my submissive shadow, born from years of mental, emotional, religious and economic abuse. A dormant part of me that only seemed to activate when I faced a metaphorical crossroad that would push me to a higher level of growth and development. Ironically enough, these levels were higher than those obtained by my childhood abusers/young adulthood bullies. If I could pinpoint the origin of this shadow/ inner demon of self Sabotage; I would definitely say his birth was my 3rd year of life after the tragic murder of my father, a man whom I loved but my grandmother hated wholeheartedly. My 2nd and 3rd years of life are my earliest memories and I recall the void created by my father's absence, meaning his death. All I had of my father at the time of his death was a toy matchbox car. It was the same make, model and color as his car. I was playing with the car at the kitchen counter with my grandmother. My first conscious memory of her.

“What's that ?”

She asked

“Daddy's car .”

3 year old me replied.

“YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!”

She scolded as she snatched the car from me and threw it into the trash can. I remember thinking “what did i do wrong its my daddy”, when I watched the small toy car fall into the trash. At that moment my inner demon was spawned. Born from a 3 year old traumatized into believing something was wrong with honoring his father. My mother eventually left me there to stay for good. I wondered “why there” ? “and not with my father's family.” This further gave my inner demon shape and form. By the time I was 7 years old I thought the word daddy was a “bad word” when pertaining to me. Without knowing it, the void formed by my father's death became the womb of my shadow self. Teaching myself to read and write and using that skill to read adult reading level novels by the first grade, coupled with comic books and movies introduced to me by a family member who worked at a famous movie studio; was the only way I could experience a true father-son experience.

This inner demon formed its dialogue towards me (via emotional communication) when the family member that worked at the movie studio; arranged for me to meet the famous Arnold Swartzneger. The lucky moment was thwarted due to the meeting not being believed by my grandparents. They were supposed to pick me up from kindergarten and take me to the set of his film set; located less that a mile away from my school. When the time came I was told.

“I don't know why you mother and uncle let get away with lying so bad…but you need to stop”.

The scolding continued as I looked at the passenger side mirror at the film location fade away in the opposite direction.

“Not good enough..your art is bad.”

My emotions echoed through my soul as I laid in my bed that afternoon feeling that for whatever reason my father was hated; must mean that I was not able to do anything of value; not knowing this was my shadow self pushing me into a fear of success as well as a fear of my own creative talents and interests.

ACT II

11 years later….

This inner demon first stabbed me full force when I was 18; two years after I graduated high school and moved into my 2nd apartment. While in college for e-commerce, and multimedia; I interned at a local radio station. I moved miles away from the toxic and dysfunctional family that abused me. But little did I know; the damage was there with me. First showing itself as a subconscious belief that I was not worthy of love; I self Sabotaged my first real relationships. Not believing I was good enough for the girlfriends I had; my lack of trust was an effective weapon used by my shadow self. Not only in the realm of love and affection but also in my work on local radio and music. Not believing I'm my work; countless media companies that reached out to me; I did not believe were genuine; as I would again listen to the energetic whisper of unworthiness from my inner demon. Finally after losing everything and being forced to live with family once more; my inner demon had not only multiplied but magnified in its gravitational pull.

Working three jobs, paying off my car, taking control of my debt, and saving roughly 10k, I acquired three professional licenses in finance and estate planning as well as created several online personal brands. Attempting to work remotely while preparing my new home. I was met with the utmost resistance by the abusive relatives, including my mother. Going out of their way to destroy my first four major contracts; I was forced to change my strategy and face the reality….I had outgrown my relationship with my family. It no longer served me; nor was it a healthy connection for me.

Having to hold tight to me saving, while finding a different way to utilize my new professional licenses; I found the strength to perform the shadow work needed to sever its tie to my life.

ACT III

Confronting one's shadow self is spiritual combat in its purest form. These demons you set out to slay are parts of you. The weapons needed for these forms of confrontations l, are Blades soaked in compassion; a compassion for one's higher self. The best version of yourself. The more serious I took this Shadow Magic the more I began to see that this truly was a fight for my life. It was face off event; to end a family curse. The portion of my inner child that grew angry and resentful was not the inner child that just wanted to honor his father. That was the separation I metaphorically slice with my sword of compassion. Now that the two energies were separated. I could see the inner demon with full focus and unfiltered clarity; an energetic response aimed at myself When triggered. Although the triggers came from outside and abusive forces; the order to respond and react came from inside me. “This is how I have been giving away my power.”

I had to say to myself upon observation of my inner opponent; without emotion and without judgment. With the help of good friends of mine, I was supported with the nourishing affection parts of me never knew. This further removed the environment for my shadow self to thrive.

Releasing my Shadow self with compassion was something two of my close friends helped me to perform.

Epilogue

10 years later …

The three women from my circle of friends that helped me with my Shadow Work became the nucleus of the soul tribe I new new I would experience. Free of the curse that plagued me; I can explore the arcane nature of human growth and with the help of my partners; discover new ways to preserve and share effective methods of True Shadow Magic !