Smell

What is that scent? It’s definitely… pungent. The joy of not having allergies… Everything smells so strongly. Smell is a harsh word for scents. But sometimes it is apt. I’ve never been one for the smell of flowers, and right now the sweet nectar is really getting to me. I love the colors; fall reds and oranges are lovely and all but this time of year really gets the full spectrum. But that smell is really… nauseating. I  wish I had a stuffy nose just to escape it. But tonight in particular something is extra spunky. That’s what this scent is like! Those darn white flowers are blooming! They think they are so great, looking so clean and bright after the dreary brown of melting snow, but the smell is just… spunky. Makes me never want to visit the Amazon, with those rotten meat flowers. I have never been part of an orgy, but I’m assuming this is what it smells like. What type of bird or bee is attracted to that? Maybe all of them, and that’s how the birds and the bees got its name. “If you smell that smell, its just the birds and the bees, kiddo.” Sick.

But maybe that is what Spring is all about in the evening. We aren’t doing it for warmth anymore, so it must be about the carnal, primitive nature of getting it on. It’s self-indulgent at that point, kinda gross, definitely necessary, and sickeningly sweet and pungent, just like these damn white flowers. It’s easy to forget they exist during the rest of the year, but come springtime they explode out of nowhere, coating the world in white and overwhelming my senses with that odor. It’s inescapable. And it reminds me of her.

We used to walk here together. Look at the other couples and laugh at their silly way of being too tender. We loved our little jokes, our snobbishness was only heightened by each other. We were too good for this place, with its little benches around the pond, and the well-kept gardens, it was perfect for lovers, and a perfect place for us to ridicule them. It really brought us together.

So what am I doing here now? I left home for a reason. I needed to get some air, and I needed something strong to drink. Well, more to drink. I really should have called it good, but at this point, who cares? Home was so stuffy, getting in my head with all the frustrations of work and money and loneliness! But these damn flowers are making everything worse! How is that couple dealing with the funk? Are they seriously just going to sit under the tree, mired in the stench of love. They disgust me. She would have had the perfect insult for them, nose blinded to their surroundings as they gaze into each other’s eyes, not caring how ridiculous they look to everyone else! Oh she would have burned them good, and I would have laughed, and followed up with a joke that almost topped it, but didn’t quite. Not because I’m not funny, I’m very funny. More in a physical way, she was sharp as a razor. I didn’t even care if she cut me, she did it because she loved me.

At least that’s what I thought. Oh its getting cold now. That breeze is finally pushing away the tree musk. A drink. That will put me in my right senses. Nothing like a nice buzz to compliment an evening. That is a funny looking dog. Thank God we didn’t get one of those together. Then I would have to go over to her place, not because I like dogs, but because I’m not a jerk who would abandon something that I committed to taking care of. And she would just smile at me, acting like I’m some softy who can’t let things go. I’m really glad I wore this jacket. It was a little warm when I left but its perfect now.

If only she was here with me. But she didn’t want to deal with me anymore; I was too lazy, I wasn’t motivated, I was wasting my life. But I just didn’t know what to do! I’m not an idiot. I work hard! Just not, all the time. Oh great, now I’m downwind from the trees. Circling the park will do that I suppose. This is all to familiar, but different without her. The same guy feeding the ducks, the same cute couples acting like a picnic is a cute thing, not a weird way to make yourself uncomfortable and eat food that you would never eat at home. How dumb are they? You aren’t even allowed to drink in the park, though I would be loving that right now. Just got to get home and get rid of this feeling.

I really thought I would never be lonely like this. Movies, books, video games, sports. That’s all I need. There isn’t enough time in the day for a girl and all that. Oh geeze, the couple is looking at me and laughing, they think they are so funny! You don’t know funny! Guy with your cool haircut and girl with your trendy homeless chic look! You spend way too much money on both I’m sure! How long have you even been together? Oh yeah, take a cute picture of each other. Keep laughing! See how far that gets you!

She was funny. And so fun. I put everything aside for her. It was definitely worth it. Well maybe not everything. That was the problem. I was like those trees, just overwhelming everything with one big explosion and acting like it was beautiful. Maybe I was just making a big stinky mess and not accomplishing anything! At least the flowers make more trees! I’m just the smell. None of the good. Man there are a lot of ducks, that guys does not have enough bread. Are you even supposed to feed bread to ducks still?

Maybe I should text her.