Bang.

Feeling confident, I listened to Michelle Obama narrate Becoming. There was nothing in the world this woman could not do. Everything she did, she did with grace and class. I love her. I idolize her. I want to be like her. I’ve listened to her read this book fifteen times. Momma says I’m obsessed. She’s right. Michelle’s voice is the current soundtrack of my life. When times get hard (as they often do) I turn her on and my troubles fade away. I am reminded that I am enough. That it doesn’t matter where I come from. She reminds me I can aspire to be whoever and whatever I want. I smile.

Campus is quiet during the night. Being around so many people still makes me anxious. Late-night trips to the library offered me solitude.

Being the first in my family to go to college, I didn’t have anyone to help prepare me for this experience. All I knew was that I would live 500 miles away from my family’s small home and failure wasn’t an option.

I was almost to the giant brick building I now called home. At first, it seemed intimidating. Now, after having lived here for the past three weeks it was a welcomed sight. I worked hard to get here. I deserved to be here. The building looked beautiful bathed in moonlight. The clear night provided the perfect backdrop of twinkling stars. I felt like I was looking at a page in one of my old fairy tale books.

Someone grabbed my arm. I looked up, shocked. I dropped my phone and my earbuds were yanked from ears. A figure dressed in all black had ahold of me. The hood covering this person’s head cast a dark shadow across his face. Was it a man? I didn’t know. Whoever it was, the person was tall and strong. The hand wrapped around my bicep and squeezed, hard. It felt like what little muscle was there would pop under the pressure. I yelped. A huge mistake. The assailant punched me in the mouth. I could taste blood. My bottom lip was swelling. There was a loud ringing in my ears. I staggered backward, but the attacker’s hold on my arm kept me from going far. Another blow to the head, this time on the right temple, almost knocked me unconscious. I couldn’t tell if I was seeing real or imagined stars. I felt nauseated. I wanted to scream, but the pain from my mouth reminded me what would happen if I didn’t keep my mouth shut. I resigned myself to cooperation. I saw a fist coming for my face. I braced myself for impact. Everything went black.

~

I opened my eyes. Well, I thought they were open. Where ever I was, it was so dark that a stifling blackness surrounded me. I could feel my hands, but it terrified me I could not see them. Panic hit me. I began hyperventilating. I felt terrified. I knew that I had to calm down.

I can’t breathe.

My inner voice was taking over. My breathing became shallower and more erratic. My chest was tightening. My throat was closing. I was suffocating.

I can’t breathe. I can’t see. I’m going to die.

I tried to look around in the darkness.

I can’t move.

Was I tied down? I couldn’t focus on a logical thought. I felt petrified. I couldn’t control my breathing. My head started swimming.

~     

I opened my eyes . A single uncovered bulb illuminated the space. I wasn’t sure what was going on. How had I gotten here? Where was here? Questions raced through my mind. I heard shuffling to my right and turned my head to follow the noise. My head rang like a bell at the effort and I winced. I tried to bring a hand to it to check the damage but could not. I looked down. I was sitting in an armchair. A thick brown rope tied my wrists and ankles to the chair. There was a gag in my mouth held there by something that I could feel wrapped around my face. Sweat plastered my hair to my head. I felt gross and sticky. The smell of blood filled my nostrils.

~

More shuffling. I didn’t recognize the sound. Turning slowly this time to diminish the pain, I looked over to the source of the sound. All I could see was a hunched over shadowy figure. I couldn’t tell what the figure was doing. Dizziness came over me. I could feel myself going out. I willed myself to stay awake. I needed to figure out where I was. I needed to find a way out.

I watched the figure step out of the shadow. A tall man I didn’t recognize walked toward me. Still wearing his hood, I could not see his face. The gag in my swollen mouth prevented me from making sounds above a tiny whimper. My eyes grew big. The man was grinning at me.

“She is finally awake,” he said in a deep, sensual voice.

I shook my head. This couldn’t be happening. This was some mistake. I couldn’t be here. The room began to get fuzzy around the edges of my vision. I registered that he was saying something. I could see his mouth moving, but I couldn’t hear him. I squinted to read his lips; it didn’t work. I realized I was swaying. The room was spinning with increasing speed. Then, everything went black.

~

Blinking heavily, I willed my eyes opened. I surveyed the room. There was shelving to the right where the man had been earlier. Brick walls surrounded me.

Good job. Memorize the layout of the room. Think.

My inner voice turned into a guide instead of a source of panic.

Keep looking around. What do you notice? What can help you get out of here?

To my left, a small concrete bed jutted out from the wall. There was a staircase in the front left corner of the room.

A staircase!

There wasn’t any sign of the man who had abducted me. I knew that he would be back and could pop up at any moment. I needed to stay clear so I could figure a way out of this. I took stock of my body. Everything hurt. I had pain in places I didn’t realize could hurt. Drool was escaping my mouth as I was still gagged. Sweat fell in small beads on my face, stinging my eyes. The sick smell of blood and sweat hung in the air.

The single bald bulb illuminating the room was to the left on a lampstand. That would be my weapon, but I had to figure out how to get untied first. I was thinking clearly. That was good.

I desperately wanted to lick my lips. I needed to wipe my eyes. I looked around the room again. I ignored the pain in my ribs and head as I did. I looked left, then right again. I saw nothing that could help. Just before giving up hope, I noticed something I hadn’t before. A faint red light lit up the stairs. Was this helpful information? I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure, but I felt that it meant something.

I’m not in a house. Houses don’t have red lights.

Maybe not useful now, but it would be when I escaped. I would escape.

You can wiggle out of the right rope. Twist your hand.

I followed my inner voice, thankful it was keeping me level-headed this time. The ringing in my head became fainter as she directed me. The rope burned my wrist horribly as I tried to wriggle free, but I was close. I could feel the rope loosening. I was almost there. Just a little more. Hope washed over me. I would escape. I would be ok.

Then, a door slammed. I heard heavy footsteps making their way down the stairs. I froze. Looking at my wrist, the rope was loose. Too loose. Would he notice? Would he tighten it? Was I doomed?

We locked eyes before he was all the way down. He smiled. This time I could get a good, clear look at his face. He had smooth dark skin with no facial hair. Dimples on each side became prominent when he smiled. He had full pink lips and perfect white teeth. He was handsome. Crazy people shouldn’t be attractive. How could this be?

He looks so… normal.

That made him even more terrifying than before. I expected to see a monster. Instead, I faced an attractive man. As he approached me, I did my best to calm my breathing, but the rapid rise and fall of my chest gave me away.

“Well, well. What do we have here?” He asked as he continued to stare me down. He knelt down, so we were eye-to-eye. “Scared?”

I refused to respond. He raised an eyebrow and his perfect smile returned.

“A live one, huh? I see the hatred in your eyes. You know the eyes are the windows to the soul. What do you see in mine?”

The question derailed me. I obeyed, searching his dark brown, almost black eyes. Hoping with everything in me I could find some humanity. The more I plead, the more I stared, the colder they turned. It felt like I was staring into a pit of nothingness. His soul was black. There was nothing to connect with in his eyes.

The look on my face must have given me away. He threw his head back and laughed boisterously. I realized I was trembling. Earlier, fear gripped me. Now, terror had me in its grips. If I didn’t get out of here, this man would kill me. He would kill me and think nothing of it. I was nothing to him. I was a nobody he would snuff out for the fun of it.

Calm down. You can get out if you calm down. He wants to see your fear. Look how happy he is.

Again, my inner voice was right. The more I panicked, the wider his smile got--his dimples getting deeper. I held the next breath. It came out loud and ragged when I finally let go, but I felt a little better. I held the next one, and the next one. I imitated a deep breathing exercise until I calmed down. I willed my tense body to sit back and go slack. I tried to remove the emotion from my eyes.

His eyebrow rose again. I wasn’t sure what he saw, but it was clear he didn’t like it. His smile disappeared. He stood up, towering over me. Trying to assert dominance?

Don’t let him win. Don’t let him see your fear. Stay calm.

He backed away. A strange look came over him. Was he scared of me? Was this the first time he had been challenged? Without a word, he retreated to the stairs. He didn’t look at me as he climbed. I waited. Was he going to return and kill me then and there? Had I made him angry?

Stay calm.

I closed my eyes and counted to 20. He was still gone. The room was eerily silent. I strained to hear anything above me. Nothing.

Stay calm. Now is your chance. GET OUT!

With little effort, I freed one hand, then the other. I felt my face. A surge of pain hit me. I ignored it. There was no time. Duct tape was sloppily wrapped around my gag. I worked frantically to pull it off. It didn’t work. Despite the pain, I opened my mouth as wide as I could. I worked to stretch the tape with my hands. That worked. I pulled it down, turning it from a gag to a necklace. I removed the gag. I almost choked on the air. I licked my dry, cracked lips. They were much larger than normal, and they felt split in several places. Dizziness started to creep back in.

Keep going. Go.

I leaned over and started working on the ropes around my ankles. I ignored the burning in my hands and legs. I ignored the head splitting headache. I wiped sweat from my eyes. One foot free. I did not know how much time passed. I tried not to think about it. I had to focus. I was almost there. I would get free. The second rope fell.

I stood up, and the nausea took over. I retched on the floor in front of me, falling onto my hands and knees. It felt like everything inside of me spewed out. I heaved a bit, then wiped my mouth. Still dizzy and sick, I willed my body to listen to me. I stood up and took a shaky step backward--away from the horrid smelling puke I had just deposited.

I focused on the light. I took one step toward it. Then another. Then another. I was feeling steadier. Adrenaline kicked in. It dulled the pain. I didn’t dare get too hopeful. I wasn’t out yet, but I was close. I grabbed the lamp pole. It was a type of metal, cold and heavy in my hands. I would need two hands to swing it, but judging by the weight of the thing, it would do some damage. I yanked its cord from the wall and wrapped it around the base quickly. It threw me into darkness. The only light came from the top of the stairs. The mysterious red light was now serving as my guide.

I carefully shuffled toward the stairs, trying to remember if there were any obstacles in my way. I reached the stairs without bumping into anything. I held onto the bannister, gripping tightly. This was it. Sure that I would come face-to-face with my kidnapper on the next floor, I paused to prepare my nerves.

You don’t have time to waste. Move!

I took the first step and paused, listening. Nothing happened. I counted to ten. Still nothing. I continued up the stairs and came to the source of the red light--a sewer light covered by a cage. I needed to remember that. I was thankful it was there, otherwise I would be in pitch black.

Open the door. Go.

My hand grabbed the doorknob in what seemed like slow motion. The brass was still warm from when he left. I shivered. I turned the knob slowly and silently. I pushed the door with care. A little at first, then a little more. Through the crack I had created, I could see a little light in what looked like a small, abandoned warehouse. Large brick columns were on the other side. I continued opening slowly. Then I saw it- the large double glass door. It was right in front of me. If I could stay in the shadows, I could get out. There were only a few steps between me and freedom.

I stepped through the door, not bothering to shut it behind me. I took the first cautious step and waited. Nothing. Unable to continue to wait, I made a mad dash for the door. A mistake. I ran straight into him as he stepped out from the shadows only a few steps away from the door. I jumped back. A feeling washed over me: I was getting out of here. He would not kill me.

I let out something like a grunt, gurgle, and cry as I swung the lamp with everything I had. My arms shook with the vibration as I landed the blow. He cried out in pain and backed away from me, holding his head. He fell to his butt.

Go! NOW!

I ran. Luck on my side, the doors opened easily. I threw one open and, still clutching the lamp for dear life, took off outside. It was dark. I didn’t know where I was. I recognized nothing. Frantic, I just knew I needed to get away. I heard sounds to my left.

Cars!

I took off in that direction.

I fell face first on top of my lamp. Confused, I willed myself to get up on my hands and knees. My shirt felt soaked. I looked down at my stomach. Blood. I heard a small pop. An invisible force thrust me forward. My chest burned. I had a hard time catching my breath. I turned over and lay on my back. I let the lamp go. I heard footsteps over gravel. I coughed. Blood spewed from my mouth. I could hear myself wheezing and I started choking on the thick liquid.

Then he was standing over me. He watched me writhe, struggle, and cough. He smiled. His eyes were knowing. Had he known I would break free? He pointed the gun at my forehead. That’s when it registered, he had shot me in the back. That’s why I was lying on the ground unable to breathe or move. I was sweating and panting. He continued to watch me.

“Thank you,” he said, the smile leaving his face. The look in his eyes changed. He looked at me lovingly. “I have never had one as feisty and determined as you. Thank you.”

BANG.