Corona Change

As a kid She had pneumonia several times. It was during the 1960’s and the pediatrician made house calls, and there were many calls. House calls didn’t mean a phone call, it was literally the doctor coming to the residence of the patient. The pediatrician with his little black bag would drive to her home and provide medical services and check-ups as her nervous mother paced the room. The visits from the doctor in mid-last century included him building a tent with sheets  over her bed and starting the vaporizer as well as talking down her mother.  The thought in those days was that leaving the house with a fever would make you sicker, therefore the in-home doctor visits. This practice in the current century feels like an outrageous use of time and resources and is mostly reserved for a celebrity or person on palliative care.

Her mother was always a wreck when She coughed,  and every cold had the potential of the dreaded pneumonia in her Mom’s eyes. As an adult, She now lives in fear of getting pneumonia. Her Mom  harped on wellness. It felt and looked from afar as if  her Mom was harping on illness but in fact, her mom was fixated on maintaining the absence of illness. This is  not the type of wellness you think of  in today’s world where you eat healthy, exercise and take vitamins. In fact, She grew up on carnation instant breakfast, McDonalds and Entenmanns’ cakes. Her dad used to love the fat that congealed on his plate after a good steak. She became a vegetarian.

Her mom would take her to the doctor at the sign of a sniffle but prior to a fever. She was never forced to go  to school if  She had minor illness  symptoms. She had fond memories of laying in bed or the couch and being served food and ginger ale. However,   if She had the onset of a cough her mother drove her straight to the doctor for an x-ray. The pediatrician  had an X-ray machine in his home office.   None of us knew the dangers of x-rays at that time. Otherwise why would the doctor agree to so many x-rays?

As an adult, She was always on the germaphobe side, not a surprise to anybody she knows.  Washing hands before eating and after bathroom. Keeping silverware on a napkin in a restaurant rather than on the potentially germ-infested table. Cleaning hands after touching the gas pump. Rarely sharing food or drink, unless She had a few drinks and lowered her germaphobe standards.

Perhaps it is upbringing or perhaps a genetic predisposition to obsess about something? But all the random hand-washing and caution suddenly changed , March 2020.

One would think a change is the opposite , like you changed direction. She did not change direction, but She changed.

With each Coronavirus report, and there were many all day long, She added a new routine. She changed her hand-washing to specific detailed hand-washing. Counting at least 20 seconds, making sure each digit was covered, back of the hands, thumbs and tips of fingers. Who knew that hand washing was so detailed?

Going to the supermarket became a complicated task. Wearing gloves so as not to touch cart , surfaces, money and store items picked over by others was a good idea at first. But when She arrived home, She realized that her germ-infested gloves touched all the bags and food items and now the items were in her house. Was it safer just to use hand sanitizer rather than gloves? Do you sanitize the food packages? What happens when you get home? Do you quarantine the food?  She did put her paper towels in quarantine where they sat comfortably for a week. But this made no sense as all the other items freely entered the home. The ability to overthink has not changed.

Even her dog, Daniel, was a source of concern. Daniel is a therapy dog and his job in life is to be petted. A therapy dog is different than a service dog. Service dogs are for the comfort of the owner whereas therapy dogs provide comfort for others.  The thought of a person petting Daniel now became another source of anxiety. Can you Purell the dog? How long do potential germs stay on fur? Endless rabbit holes of scenarios. Just four weeks ago Daniel and She were visiting schools, nursing homes and kids with disabilities for the sole purpose of petting Daniel and giving joy. And today, just a month later, Daniel is also isolated from the outside world and hands. Daniel had a big change as he is no longer a therapy dog for the masses but a service dog for She.  The love and comfort of dogs has not changed.

Prior to the acceleration of Coronavirus 19  outbreak, when She was still going out in the community, her sister-in-law flew in for a visit. As the news got more intense each day, She and her sister-in-law were feeding off each other’s anxiety. Alcohol (not the rubbing kind) and anxiety were the daily activities. The absurdity of their new life came to a head in a public bathroom, as they were unable to get out because they didn’t have paper towels. How to the open the  door? Each Tried different techniques and yes, they laughed and laughed almost causing them to have to use the bathroom again! They eventually escaped by using creative techniques of toilet paper, agility and Purell. The ability to laugh has not changed.

She, as many of her friends, does not like change. The bigger the change the harder the response. But this change is unprecedented. How does anyone navigate this new world?

Change takes many forms and it does not always mean turning in another direction. Change can also mean accelerating what you are doing to a level of infinity. Her casual little routines of germ avoidance have now become her job.

But some things never change. The love of family, the love of friends. Empathy towards others and the desire to do the right thing. The capacity to hope. The ability to laugh. The freedom to talk on the phone, skype, facetime. The lack of guilt watching all those TV shows that She was embarrassed to admit to watching just last month, Ok She admits that’s a change.

So She sits on her chair with another clean glass of wine, a small piece of chocolate and tries to breathe. ( as long as nobody is too close)