Pouring Passion

I have always struggled with turning my hobby for writing into a career while living in a house that isn't my home. It feels like a place that is just passing time at a rest stop on the freeway to freedom. Everyone in the neighborhood thinks this house is perfect, living with a great family. But just because the house is perfect outside doesn’t mean it is perfect inside. No one realizes what happens on the inside. Just him, my best friend Tyler. He knows the whole situation. My struggles, my fears of success. Everything. 

This evening, I am working on a short story for a writing prompt contest. I could win fifty dollars if I win. The Writing Community tells me I have enormous talent, and he does too. But I question sometimes everything. My fears get the best of me, and I just want to crawl into a hole. The people I live with don’t see my struggles, they are too selfish to notice anything. 

I have been writing the prompt for a long time when I get a text message from him.

Tyler: Hey Sara

Sara: Hey

Tyler: Okay what’s wrong?

Sara: Nothing, how do you know something is wrong?

I could hear a tap on the window in my bedroom on a quiet summer evening. I walk over to the window unlocking it to open it up. He slips in one leg over on each side. I step back looking at him, his gorgeous body, and wonderful caring nature. Us always having each other's back. Growing up in simpler situations with parents who don’t pay attention to either one of us. 

My tears slowly roll down my cheeks, and this gorgeous man pulls me into his arms. While I question everything about a career I have been trying to build since I was sixteen years old he is just letting me cry on his shoulder. 

As I ugly cry, What if everyone's right? What if I won’t amount to nothing? What if this is all a waste of time for me?

I couldn’t stop feeling these doubts in myself. Everything within me falling apart. 

Tyler’s strong arms wrap around me tighter making me feel so much strength within this lovely embrace. I run my fingertips over his Espresso smooth brown skin looking into his deep brown eyes. Slowly it feels like all of my doubts, and questions float away from my deep abyss of depression.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” 

“I lost the writing challenge? I don’t know why they keep on rejecting me? What am I doing wrong Tyler?”

“You’re doing nothing wrong, hun. Nothing at all, are you having doubts?”

All I could do is nod. And more tears escape my eyes. All I keep getting is rejection after rejection. No reasons, nothing. Other bloggers who have been there for a long time are published instantly but me not at all. Why does this happen to me? Am I a failure?

“I know what you are thinking, Sar! And you’re not going to give up on your dream, are you?” He looks at me with so much passion in his eyes. 

“No I am not giving up, it’s just hard sometimes when I am writing and I get rejected for a contest or challenge. I keep wondering, is it me?”

“Honey it’s not you, you have a lot of talent, and passion you put into your work.”

A smile appears on my face and it feels like he is building my confidence again. Though my struggles and sensitive side is here. I know with him I don’t have to hide my feelings, I don’t have to hide anything. 

I knew going into this it wasn’t going to be easy trying to make a name for myself as an author. But I have never given up, but I know my talent is everything to me. I just never told myself why I am so adamant about working so hard.

“Would you like to stay with me tonight? At this point, I don’t care who sees me with you. It’s never easy for me, but I don’t want to hide us anymore.”

Seeing the love in his eyes and the passion of his words and actions, I always know when I can run to Tyler when things get rough, and I know he can do the same with me. 

“Yes, I will stay with you Sara, just promise me something,” says Tyler, his voice becoming soft and intimate. 

I nod looking at him, anything.

As he gazes into my eyes his love, passion, and desire make it known to me as his touch excites me. With his six foot five inches gorgeous body and my smooth colored skin, there is no space between us. I watch him lean down, and as he inches closer and closer to me, I reciprocate his movement as our lips touch each other in my private sanctuary our lips glide in sync in a movement we recognize as our deep passion for each other no longer hiding in a closet but opening the door wide and never closing it.

He pulls away as he breathes heavily from the feels being ignited between us. 

My fears, doubts, everything is gone because he always knows how to calm me down. I keep wondering why I put so much pressure on myself. I remember now why I do because I don’t want to fail, I want to succeed. Everyone has always doubted me, and have made those feelings known. And I never want the haters and people who doubt to win. 

“Do you want to cuddle, sweetie?” 

“Mhm sure, always do.”

“Why do you doubt yourself?” He picks me up, sitting me in my bed lying beside me. 

“Because all I ever wanted was to prove the haters, and most importantly myself wrong. I want to make myself proud, and you proud. I want to make the money I need so we can leave this place together. Forever. But freedom costs money. And I don’t want to rely on others for help, Tyler.” I could feel the passion in my words when I spoke to him.

“You will, we both will leave together, you will amount to something, you will become a writer you can do this, sweetie. You got this girl!”

Right when he said that I knew I could get everything I want just got to pour my passion into my writing and never give up.