Simple Things

Langston Hughes once wrote, 

“Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.”

This was it. I was holding fast to my dreams. Today was the day that my dream might actually come true. I might really be able to be who i've always wanted to be. All I have to do is just step on that stage, and perform.

I always wanted the picturesque, simple life. White picket fences, my very own iron, my husband coming home to a homemade apple pie, and our beautiful kids running around on grass as green as an emerald, shimmering in the sun. Coming from a broken home, that seemed like just a fantasy. I grew up in a nightmarish dystopia and every day I wanted to close my eyes and make it all go away at once. The thing is, I grew so accustomed to being trapped, that I became numb. Whenever something good happened in my life, it honestly seemed like a dream. Music was my only escape. My blinking light at the end of a dark-as-night tunnel with not a single star in its midst. Everyone else said that music was never going to work out, but something clicked when I played. I knew that it was going to be my everything when I was finally rid of my troubled past. I never thought that not believing the people around me would pay off so tremendously.

It was only yesterday when I got the call. I was going to audition for the best music school in the world. I never could have thought. Juilliard. This was it. As I waited with the other musicians in the silent room, I could see the hunger and fear in their eyes. I wondered if I had the same look of terror and anticipation in my face. If I did, I was feeling ten times as nervous. I almost wished that I didn’t show up. If you never try, you don’t have to have the possibility of disappointment. But also if you never try, you’ll never know if you could have made it. From what I’ve been through, I tried so hard to not trust in people. It’s just another person to let you down isn’t it? Now I would put my life into the hands of people who might let me down more than anyone ever has.

I had to take the leap. I had to. If I didn’t, I would never get my chance at the white picket fence life. I couldn’t give that up. It might seem like an abnormal thing to hang on to with my every being, but something inside me wouldn’t let it go. Getting this audition was hopefully the beginning to my new life.

It was all thanks to my high school professor, Mr. Charles. I had no friends in high school, which was no surprise to me. I would eat lunch in the music room, and work on songs. There was one day when I got lost in my voice. I lost track of time, and didn’t realize that I had nearly played through my English class. I thought that since I already missed most of it, I might as well stay where I’m safe. A few minutes later, Mr. Charles stepped into the room. He listened for a moment before coming and sitting by me. He told me how much he loved my singing. He said that he had heard me while walking past the room several times. I was embarrassed, of course, but I honestly couldn’t believe the words that came out of his mouth. He told me about one of his friends who worked at Julliard. He asked if I wanted to go to New York and audition for their music program. Tears of happiness fell down my face and hugged Mr. Charles after accepting. He left the room and I screamed at the top of my lungs; dancing around the room.

I guess that I thought I would never get to have my own fairytale, and my life would never be filled with color. I was never a shiny person. I wanted to have a table with four chairs and windows. Big enough to see the world outside of my own, but not big enough to feel the deafening sound of my aloneness. That life was all I ever could hope to have, and now it’s as if there’s a whole other world of possibilities that are just outside of my reach. My professor thought that I was good enough to go to a prestigious music school in the city that never sleeps. That on its own was an achievement for me. I couldn’t wait to see where life would take me next. Even if Julliard didn’t work out, maybe I would be good enough for a different music school somewhere. My life, for once, was finally starting to become brighter. 

A young man with a black headset got my attention. He told me that they were ready for me. I can’t even explain how nervous I was. The whole experience seemed so formal, which was the exact opposite of me. It was time to face my fears and take the leap. Just take the leap, I kept telling myself. I tugged my ink black bodycon dress down to my mid-thigh and fixed up my hair. I heard my name; the man’s voice was soft and clear at the same time. This was the opportunity I had waited all my life for. The crisp clicking sound of my black stilettos echoed in the amphitheater. It was bigger than anything I’d ever seen, and it made me feel so important. I got to be there in that place, and it almost took my breath away. The man and woman looked at me with their lips curved into smiles. I sat in the plastic chair and took a breath. I placed my fingers on the keys and began to play. My hands danced across the piano and I felt so free. All of the heaviness of my life was lifted off of me. It was like a scene pulled straight from a cheesy and inspirational movie, and I knew that even if Julliard didn’t happen, this moment was all I would ever need to be happy, no matter what happened in my past.