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LGBTQ+ Sad

My battered brown shoes act as a mirror. Reflecting my unworthiness. My hand brushes against the side of my face. My hair clings to my sodden cheek, making me seem small and dirty. The train rattles on. Its carriages swaying up and down with the motion of the tracks. Rain beats against the windows, its soft sound lulling me into a place of peace. A man moves near me and immediately walks away. I sigh and put my hands in my lap. No one sits near me. An orphan abandoned at the mere age of 2. My brother, Auberon, looked after me. Until he didn't. Until he couldn't. He went to sleep and never woke up. Now I travel alone. I pretend that I'm normal. I make small talk to others. But mostly, I talk to myself. My mind is so complex. Sometimes I feel like it's my only friend. I've never had a real friend. Only imaginary ones. For instance, Estella is sitting across from me right now, She doesn't say anything though. Merely smiles and looks at the scenery. Her beautiful face is so different to my ugly one. No one has ever wanted me. Even Auberon didn't want me. It was just his duty. He couldn't leave me alone. Then the scarlet fever pandemic came. He died. People kept telling me I would see him again, but I already knew the truth. I knew he wasn't coming back. His eyes had rolled into his head and their blank pupils stared back at me. I shake my head and clear my thoughts. The train whistle blows and I get up to stand. Everyone leaves me alone. The train may be crowded but no one wants to sit next to the poor girl without a family. No one wants her germs. I've heard what they call me. I've heard how they tease me. Estella stands but I shake my head. I don't want her to see where I live. It's a horrid little place. But it's home. The doors click open and I step out onto the platform. I'm still a minor. I don't need a ticket. Auberon had never had any reason to travel, he just looked after me 24/7. A lady with large hips and short hair bustles past me and mutters something under her breath. Staring at her phone the whole time. I direct my eyes to the ground and walk forward. Avoiding all the stares and murmurs. How much more of this will I have to endure? I brush my hair behind my ear and run off to my house. It isn't much like I said before. Just a small hill with a grass bed and reed pillow. Nothing else. There's a healthy supply of berries nearby and I'm happy enough. I sit down on my bed. Lydia is there. She smiles at me and dives into a conversation about engineering. She wants to become an engineer. Lots of my imaginary friends have big dreams. Carla appears and immediately joins in, she wants to be a mathematician. Liam sits down next to me and listens in. He wants to become a professional dancer for the Australian Ballet when he's older. They won't let him though. I frown at the countryside. It's so beautiful, yet the world is so cruel, so desolate, so lonely. Everyone has their own lives and they don't care about anyone else's all they care about is whether or not they have the newest item of clothing or the newest gadget of technology. No one wants anything real anymore. Like nature. We have so little of it and we're destroying the small part that we have of it. Instead of preserving it. People are so ridiculous, and yet, I'm the only one who realises this. The world is a place for people who have nothing better to do with their lives. Where the only thing that matters is money. Olivia lies down next to me and her hair flops in front of her face. She giggles and I laugh lightly. I wish I could feel happy all the time like she does. Liam stands and walks toward the tree near my house. He sits at the bottom and shuts his eyes. He's a very poetic person. Lydia and Carla are still deep in conversation. Their voices getting louder and louder as they become more and more excited about maths. I wish they could be happy. Together. They love each other. But society won't let them be together. The world has so many problems and it leaves children to solve them all. Really clever, isn't it? Leaving children to run the world. Like they know everything, they know more than the adults do. The adults ruined it all and now we clean up their mess, shouldn't t be the there way around? We didn't create this. We didn't start this fire. And yet, it burns through our lives. But it's none of our faults. Olivia sits up and walks over to Liam. They are in love too. In fact, a lot of my imaginary friends are. It makes me even sadder. To see people in love and yet I have no one that loves me. I clutch my legs to my chest. My friends fade away as the sun starts to set. They'll be here tomorrow. They'll be with me. Me and my weirdness. A silent tear rolls down my cheek. I pull my ratted cardigan over my shoulders and let my hair down. It's almost dark. I stare out at the countryside. Marvelling in nature's natural beauty. This is what the world should be about. Natural beauty. Accepting things for the way they are, instead of trying to change them. They aren't supposed to be pretty. Not everything is. But everything has its own hidden beauty. I believe in this. Even I have some beauty underneath all the dirt and street scum. Even I have beauty, and that gives me hope.

April 19, 2021 05:03

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