That’s What Friends are For

Ever since the day you saw her through the chain-link fence in your back yard, in the summer of ’68, you knew she would be your bestie. From the elfish grin to her long, blond hair you felt you’d found a friend to the end. You somehow made an instant, life-long connection with this person, even at the tender age of seven, you could feel it. No matter her first words to you should have been taken as an insult (are you Chinese?) because of the shape of your eyes as you squinted in the sun, your heart opened up and let her in because in all reality, you needed a friend. You were brand new to the neighborhood, anxious to meet a new playmate. How could you possibly know all the ups and downs you two would experience for the next 52 years? All you saw was an open grin and a great opportunity.

Your parents got along as well, making a secret pact that they would never come between you and your new gal pal if you were to have a fight, you had to work it out yourselves. She had a temper; you wore your heart on your sleeve. You were easy to tease, yet also easy to like. Your smile made you attractive to her as well as others, and her smile was warm and inviting yet still you sensed a smirk hiding just behind her lips. She was more critical than you, yet she also gave sage advice. She could stand her own ground while you (in the heat of the battle) would search out one of her sisters, or her mom. Her sisters would always side with you, knowing she had a temper and sensing you were easily hurt. Her mom, not so much. “Get along and figure it out.” Her mom had been a nurse, the neighborhood authority on scrapes and boo-boos, but no pushover as a mother figure. She had seven kids and a no-bullshit attitude. You and your own mom had a love/hate relationship, so you never really knew where you stood with her anyway, yet you tried to seek her advice when you and your friend had a slap fight. Just as you suspected, you were on your own. “You guys stop fighting and go play.”

Later, in high school, she had your back when the other mean girls came. You were so short in stature that hateful girls loved to pick on you. She was taller, self-assured, yet still had a shyness about her that made her enduring. You felt so guilty the time she needed rescuing and you ran, screaming as the tiger-dog chased you home from school. The spanking you got later reminded you that you never leave your friends stranded or in danger. It was a simple life lesson your parents made sure they drove home. You still didn’t completely learn it however, there was another incident once after your high school days, but alcohol had been involved and you just prayed she forgave you for that one. At least she had not been in danger that time, you had just been acting slutty and she stepped aside, content to let you have your fun. Remembering it now, she was probably laughing to herself while you made a complete ass of yourself. It would be another life lesson that you never repeated.

You were there for her first wedding and when your time came, she was there for you as well. You were even pregnant at the same time, you with your second, she with her third. There were parties, showers, nightclubs, and dancing. You both had a penchant for iced tea and you each loved black olives. When you were teenagers, you’d stay up all night playing ace-deuce on her backgammon board. You spent the night at her house more than yours because her parents weren’t as strict and then of course, because you had a crush on her baby brother. She pretended not to notice. You did speed for the first time with her, courtesy of her oldest brother. It was a one-time thing and soon forgotten. Later, you both experienced alcohol; she was always a better drinker than you, yet you might have drunk more, for a longer period of time. Much later there were harder drugs you both experimented with, luckily you were both smart enough not to let them become habit-forming. Your biggest addiction to this day is nicotine. She smokes and you vape, the same drug…different delivery systems. You still feel more righteous in your choice to quit smoking cigarettes.

Once kids came, she could always be counted on for advice, hers seemed to turn out so much better than yours, even if her marriages didn’t. You never remarked on that, you just felt like being there and lending a supportive ear was the best thing you could do. She lost her mom first and you were sad. You did visit her before she passed, yet you couldn’t bring yourself to go to her funeral, that just wasn’t your bag back then. However, when the tables were turned, she came to your mom’s. Why weren’t you a better friend? You hold on to the guilt and move on. A few years later, while she was out of town, her dad passed away. She did not want to be there, you understood completely. You knew her story and didn’t judge, yet you knew that would not be the case if your dad was to pass. She had been a devoted caregiver and it had all gone unappreciated, unnoticed, and she felt no support from her family-or maybe she was just relieved it was all over and needed a break. For whatever reason, you lent your supportive ear again, then later tried to cement your bond by asking her to go on a cruise with you. She did.

You always had a slight rift running through the relationship, yet it never affected your friendship. She could be a bit judgmental sometimes, and you always felt less-than in her eyes. None of that mattered and you each found ways to work through your differences. She being a Scorpio was an automatic match for you as a Pisces, the stars foretold your long-time friendship. Although you are both stubborn, you find her a bit passionate about her opinion, when you yourself can be swayed one way or the other. In fact, you can be downright wishy-washy. You each have other friends, but you’re pretty certain yours and hers are each other’s longest-lasting friendship, it’s lasted over fifty years. You call her when it’s been too long, keep up on social media, and try to visit when she is in town. You give the occasional gift and/or share a meal out from time to time, yet you still feel like she has been physically present more when it counted than you were for her. You deal with that guilt and move on as well.

 She lives in the country and you in the suburbs. She is single again; you’ve been married to the same man for thirty-four years. She works all over the country, you are stuck in one place, yet happily so. You work from home, have more time for yourself, and you feel bad that she can’t do the same. You’ve each made your choices and lived with them. You still pine for the time when she lived next door, it was so much easier to be best friends back then. You keep her picture on your desk to remind yourself what a great friend she’s been and to always have her smile where you can see it. Somehow, it sustains you. You look at it and it takes you back to your childhood and simpler times. You realize that she has been your supportive ear as well for all these years and the very thought warms your heart. You know deep inside she forgives your transgressions just as you forgive hers. Even though she left a physical (but tiny) scar on your leg that time she pinched you in a fit of rage over something insignificant at the time. You forever have a reminder that your best friend in the world did that and even that makes you smile.

The cruise had been nice and you both enjoyed yourselves while at the same time not being certain you’d ever repeat the experience. Maybe the rift has grown or maybe your interests are too different, you don’t feel like you belong in her close circle anymore. That doesn’t mean you won’t always be there for her, however; in your mind she will be your friend forever, til you’re both old and gray, sipping margaritas or a nice cabernet as you stare at the horizon from some unnamed beach somewhere. You hope she feels the same way, in fact, you’re almost positive she does.