My Renaissance

The steady rain pounded the windows of the book store. It was the kind of day that was bad for the book business. Actually, every day was bad for the book business. The tiny store tucked into the corner of the bustling block of businesses had seen better days. Sales in the past year had dropped significantly, forcing Mel to lay off two employees. Then, Maura hadn’t been able to shake the guilt at being left behind since Sooji hated her new job and Joe couldn’t find work. Now, she couldn’t shake the gnawing fear that was creeping over her.

Waves of nausea crashed in Maura’s stomach as she thought of starting over. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly so no tears would flow. She’d started over enough lately and she wasn’t sure she had the strength to deal with this.

She replayed her earlier conversation with Mel, as if to make it more real.

“I’m sorry Maura, I have no choice. I have to close. Permanently. I don’t know what else to do.”

“Mel, I know it’s tough, but hang on. I have some ideas to bring in more business.”

“Maura, I appreciate your loyalty. But I have to face it--I can’t keep hanging on to a dead business. I want to retire, move someplace warm, relax. I can’t do this anymore. It’s heartbreaking.”

Maura felt like she'd lost an old friend. The book store and Mel had once pulled her out of a dark time in her life. She was forever grateful to him for giving her the job, even though she’d had no management experience. He had taken a chance on her, and she'd never let him down. Until now.

Maura had plenty of ideas to bring in more customers--special sales, a reward club, coupons--but Mel wouldn’t hear of it. To old-school Mel, it was all about how many books he sold, and he was happy to just sell a book at a higher price than he’d paid. 

Mel had tried to explain. “Truth is, people shop online now, and they don't frequent the neighborhood book store. They spend money in Rite-Aid, the dollar store, the deli. They’re not buying books.” Mel had shaken his head sadly.

“But we can bring them in,” Maura had insisted. “Just give me two months—”

“I don’t have the money to keep going," he'd shaken his gray head again. "It’s over.” 

Maura adjusted the window display she’d spent three hours putting together last week. She’d been proud of herself for juxtaposing the newest millennial writers alongside the classical authors, and she’d had to admit the display looked great. But it wasn’t enough.

Her cell phone buzzed in her pocket, and she was greeted by Jamie’s booming voice. Maura and her brother had been close since childhood, and even though his new promotion had forced him to move his family an hour away, he always made sure to check in with his little sister. There were only two years between them, but he always made sure to remind her that he was the big brother.

"Maur, I had an idea," he began. "We have a few positions available at CrossTech. Why don't you come up, spend a few days with us, and interview?"

"Jamie, I've told you before. I'm not moving and I'm not commuting. I'll find something else here."

Maura wasn't changing her mind. She loved her little town so close to the city, and she wasn't moving upstate. Jamie's move had been a good one for his family, but Maura wasn’t in the same situation. Jamie's salary had almost doubled, and his wife Erin had been able to quit her job to focus on building her handmade jewelry business. Terry was in first grade and Aimee was starting pre-school, and the couple had talked about having a third child. They were happy.

No matter how much she missed the only family she had left, Maura knew she wouldn't be happy if she moved to a sedate life in Haverville. She was finally getting comfortable with life again and she couldn’t leave now. She'd figure something out.

A customer wandered in, giving Maura an excuse to hang up on her brother before he realized how scared she really was. Taking a deep breath, she smiled, ready to suggest some reading material. Her smile yielded a $35 sale, only the second of the day. Maura anticipated that the last 3 hours of her shift wouldn't go well.

As her shift was ending, Mel returned to relieve her. He'd stay the last 3 hours of the day and close the store at 9, just in case someone stepped in for a quick purchase. Maura had always admired his Gatsby-esque will—even when the store was almost dead, Mel wouldn’t let it go quietly. She understood how difficult it must have been for Mel to admit the truth.

Pulling on her charcoal raincoat, she opened her large pink umbrella and moved out into the rain. It had lightened up by now, so instead of braving the rushing waters, she only had to step under a light pattering. She walked the 5 quick blocks to her apartment, frustrated that she couldn’t think of a solution for Mel. If she kept her mind occupied with someone else’s problem, she wouldn’t have to think about her own.

Opening the door of her spacious one-bedroom apartment, Maura was greeted by Tennyson, who was named after her favorite poet. The young calico eagerly circled her, rubbing his head against her wet jeans. 

"I know, Tenny, you're hungry, aren't you?" Maura cooed, bending down to scratch his multi-colored head. She scooped him up into a cuddle, meandering to the kitchen to prepare his dinner.

While Tennyson filled his belly, Maura did some figuring. She and Scott had always been savers. They'd worked tirelessly to pay off the apartment. There was some money in investments, and a tidy sum tucked away for a rainy day.

And there was the wedding money. Although she'd lost some of it to deposits, Maura had been refunded most of what she and Scott had spent.

She still cringed, remembering the sympathetic nods and awkward silences. People never knew what to say in such circumstances.

"Well Tenny, I think we'll be okay for a while. There's money for your favorite cat food," she told her disinterested companion.

Suddenly Maura felt very alone. 

She knew she always had the option to pack up everything and move closer to her brother. Most likely, she'd get that job with his company and she'd be around her family again. It was a good opportunity, a safe opportunity. Maybe the store closing was a sign.

"Is this the way it's supposed to be? Are we supposed to just up and leave?" She couldn't be sure, but it seemed like the pieces were falling into place, yet not in the way she wanted. At this point, all roads seemed to lead upstate, but she and Tenny weren’t ready to leave just yet. There were too many memories here and she didn't want to give them up. Tenny jumped up on her lap, purring contentedly. Maura didn’t see how she could uproot him just yet.

Brushing away a far-fetched idea, Maura set about making dinner for herself. She knew she would get no sleep that night, or many more to come.

The following morning, as she stopped into her usual coffee shop, Maura scrutinized her daily routine. She did the exact same thing each day. After purchasing the coffee, she'd move on to the bakery for a freshly-baked muffin, then head to work. Her lunchtime routine promised a visit to the deli for either a turkey or ham sandwich, lettuce, tomato, mustard--no mayo. After work, she'd walk home, only to fall into more routines. Of course, she’d end the day reading.

"I'm boring," she concluded as she opened the door of the bakery. "Maybe this is a good time for a fresh start."

Bobby smiled at her from behind the counter and held up a white bag containing a warm blueberry muffin. "Right on time, Maura!”

An uneventful morning of inventory and only four sales allowed Maura more than enough time to contemplate. She would certainly miss this place. The little store was a refuge for her. After lunch, she picked up another box and began to check off her list, musing aloud: 

Hemingway, The Sun Also Rises, 4 copies (I’ve never really liked him)

Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God, 5 copies (What a great book—I’ve been meaning to re-read it)

Ellison, Invisible Man, 5 copies (I’ll put aside a copy for myself)

Maura's melancholy grew each time she looked out the window at numerous people walking past the store without a glance. This used to be a prime spot; the door had constantly opened and the cash register had consistently buzzed in contentment. Now, people didn't appreciate the art of the written word anymore. They read on their phones or tablets. Maura couldn't understand--her purse always had a book tucked into it; she couldn't bring herself to read electronically. It seemed--unnatural. 

Joyce, Ulysses, 1 copy (I learned so much from Joyce)

Dickinson, The Complete Poems, 1 copy (such a depressing author)

She raised the last book close to her face, taking in its every feature. Maura loved the smell of the printed book, the sturdiness of the binding, the sight of the printed words across the pages. It was disheartening that the small business owners were falling prey to large online sites which promised convenience and free expedited shipping. It was all so cold and impersonal. Maura was all about customer service. She made people feel important as she guided them around the store, suggesting a book or two. If she’d had to order something, it usually took at least a week to arrive;

Maura would’ve suggested something to read in the interim. Now, in a world of instant gratification, a week felt like a lifetime to a customer. The little book store couldn't compete in today’s fast-paced society, and not many people cared to smell or hold a book.

Shakespeare King Lear, 2 copies (my man)

If only Mel had been open to some of her ideas to bring in new clientele. She’d suggested designating a small corner of the store to a coffee bar, something she’d always loved about the larger book stores. “No liquids near my books!”

She’d thought about selling other items—movie posters, coffee mugs—Mel wouldn’t hear of it. “Strictly books”.

Maura had even asked to sell Erin’s hand-made jewelry. “Those things don’t belong around books.”

But Maura was convinced some of her ideas could work--she envisioned people wandering in for coffee, shopping for a gift, and finding a new book to peruse. She just knew the little store could survive if it changed with the times!

Maura watched the children coming home from school. They walked in groups, laughing and pushing each other toward the deli, the bakery, the frozen yogurt store, but not toward the book store. Maura sighed and looked around. She knew every inch of this space, every floor tile, every crack in the wall, every book. She would miss it all. Where would she work? She knew books, really knew books. She sat down on a stool to think. Where were the book stores these days? Any that had survived were in the city; very few had survived elsewhere. She'd like to continue working in this area, but where? She’d have to find something new.

"I could find a nice place near Jamie. I'd see them all the time and there are quaint little shops up there. I could work in one of them if I don’t want to work for his company. Or, if I stay here, I can find a job in the city. It would mean commuting so that's an added expense. But I could probably manage it.”

“Except I'd still be alone."

Loneliness had never been an issue for Maura before, yet lately she'd been bothered by it, especially after Jamie had moved away. Maura's two best friends lived close by, but they had children and schedules, so she didn't see them regularly. Although she'd finally started dating again a year ago, she hadn't found someone who she could even imagine filling Scott's shoes. 

"It would be different if you were still here," she said aloud to Scott. She was still in the habit of talking to him. Somehow it comforted her, just a little bit. "What should I do?"

Five years ago, they'd been making wedding plans for the following August. Maura had been arguing with the florist when she'd heard the dreaded knock on the door, and through the peephole saw Captain Viega himself standing in the hallway. Her heart had dropped to her feet and she recalled not wanting to open the door, not wanting to hear the words she knew he would utter.

After the funeral, he had given Scott's shield to Maura; it was still in the safe deposit box where she had placed it to avoid looking at it every minute of every day. For a while, Maura had begun to fall deeper and deeper into a dark hole, and the next months were a blur to her. Eventually, she'd begun to regain her footing to climb into the light again. Mel had been a big part of her recovery, as he’d offered her a job in the book store she'd frequented every week for 12 years.

The little book store meant so much to Maura. But soon it would be over. Catching sight of herself in the window, Maura scrutinized her own features. Her long, dark curls tumbled down past her shoulders, giving her a youthful look, despite the tiny lines that plagued her contemplative eyes. She appeared younger than her 41 years, most likely because of her obsessions with working out and eating healthfully. Still attractive, Maura dressed smartly, believing that appearances were everything in sales. Fixated on her reflection, she wondered where she would be at 42. Maybe…but no, she brushed away the vague idea again.

The sound of the door opening interrupted her reverie, as two preteens entered. The door opened again and a third girl flung her bag down, scanned the shelf for a book, and joined her friends on the floor. Lately, they had been coming once a week after school. Maura always greeted her regulars by name and learned something about them, so she recognized them immediately.

Her idea returned but this time she didn’t brush it into oblivion.       

“Hi,” she greeted them. The girls “hi-d” back in unison. “I thought you ladies might like to check out these new writers.”

“Thanks,” one of the girls smiled. “I know her! She wrote I’m Not Here.”

“Yes, Lin, you’re right,” Maura confirmed happily. In one of their previous conversations, Lin had divulged that her name meant “beautiful jade” and Maura always remembered that fact when Lin returned to the store. She reminded Maura of herself as a teenager. Lin always carried a book around with her, and she had told Maura that books gave her comfort. She came from a large family and often felt ignored, so books were her friends during family gatherings. 

“Listen ladies, I was wondering if you could help me to do a survey?”

The girls agreed, and Maura grabbed a pencil and a pad of paper to record their responses. Making up the questions on the fly, she began:

“What do you like about this store?” 

The girls giggled. “It’s a great place to hang out! Nobody bothers us.” Tamra said. Tamra was the prettiest of the three, something accomplished without the aid of makeup. She also kept up with the latest political news and Maura had often overheard her teaching her friends.

“Yeah,” her friend Khloe joined in. “And we find new books all the time. I didn’t even know about Nathaniel Hawthorne until I saw his book in your window display.” Maura had often joked that Khloe would be a private investigator; if her friend was telling a story, Khloe quizzed her on every single detail.

“That’s great!” Maura beamed. “So, besides books, what else would you like to see at this store—if you could have anything?”

“An ice cream bar!” Khloe giggled.

“Nah, not in a book store,” Lin disagreed.

“Maybe stuff we need for school?” Tamra chimed in. “I mean, basics like pencils, erasers, but nice stuff.”

“Ok, that makes sense,” Maura scribbled, nodding her head. “What about jewelry?

“Definitely!” Khloe said. “I know a lot of people who like jewelry. They’d come if you had it.”

“Yeah,” piped up Lin. “Kids like fun stuff—"

“You’ve been a great help. If I print up a 3-question survey, would you mind giving it to some of your friends?” Maura decided to be honest with the girls. “I’m trying to save this store. The owner has to close it because there aren't a lot of customers. But I’d like to save it—I’m thinking I’ll buy it from him, and make some changes to bring in more people. Now I need to know what people want.”

“Wow, that’d be cool,” Tamra said. “We could have a say in how the store changes!”

“Exactly,” Maura agreed.

She knew it wouldn’t be easy, but Maura knew this was exactly what she wanted. She’d set up appointments with the accountant and the bank, and call Sooji and Joe to offer them jobs. She knew that Scott would approve, and she realized she hadn’t been this happy in a long time.

“This is sort of…my…renaissance!” she smiled to herself.

Suddenly, Maura didn’t feel so alone anymore.