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Funny

“Hello everyone and welcome to The Buzz with your host, yours truly, Melissa Breckeridge. Tonight is a very special evening as it is the 60th anniversary of Sun Rays Collective protests that were the widest spread protests of all time. Tonight we have an exclusive interview with Isabella Grey, the great grand daughter of Allen Grey, the founding father of the Sun Rays. Welcome, Isabella. It’s an honor to have you here.”

“It really is a pleasure to be here. Thank you for having me.”

“Let’s delve right into the grit of it. Your great grandfather, Allen Grey, sparked the Sun Rays revolution in 2040. How does your family that is still alive that knew him talk about that day?”

“My grandfather says he still remembers how everything happened. His father, my great grandfather, was in a car accident in 2030 when my grandfather was very young. He had almost no memories of him up to that point and then the accident put him in a coma for the next ten years. When Allen woke up in 2040, the world had changed. When Allen had fallen into his coma after his accident, the world was in political turmoil. Protests had been erupting in the United States about every issue under the sun, pardon the pun, for about a decade, and the government had started mandating protests. The protests that had started among the people to bring political change were now being mandated by officials in power. The laws around protests had changed and most of what was legal in protesting even ten years earlier was now illegal. Freedom of speech first had to be government approved when he woke up if you didn’t want to end up in jail.”

“So, when Allen woke up, he wasn’t aware of what protesting in the current day entailed or how different the world around him was?”

“Not. At. All. For instance, there was no way he would have known about the skin cancer epidemic that was sweeping across the globe with global warming increasing and people spending more time outdoors with their skin unprotected. That’s when it became illegal to go outside without sunscreen. Then sunscreen production was halted and people grew accustomed to staying indoors almost all the time when the sun was out. By the time sunscreen was being made again years later, people were used to staying inside all the time. They had no need to go out. Everything could be delivered. Appointments were made at night. We became an almost entirely nocturnal species over the course of a few years.”

“So, your great grandfather had awoken into a world turned upside down in his mind?”

“Absolutely. When he was released to go home, there was a care aid that would stay with him during the night and he would be by himself during the day. Then, one day in early summer, the weather was particularly warm and… well, the rest remains history.”

“Oh, yes. We are all aware of the events of the day. Allen Grey had found sunscreen in his home, leftover from before his accident most likely, slathered himself up, and went out in the front yard to ‘sun bathe’, as he called it, in a lawn chair with a newspaper and a glass of lemonade early in the afternoon of June 29th, 2040.”

“Yes, my great grandfather started the largest spread protests around the globe in history because he went out to lay in the sun on a warm summer day.”

“Can you tell us, who was the first person to notice what Allen had done?”

“Well, apparently some neighbors had called the police as soon as they noticed it. Of course, there was no way for them to know whether or not he was wearing sunscreen, but they wanted to err on the side of caution. They lived in an upstanding neighborhood after all and had a reputation to keep.”

“Is it true that by the time the police arrived that the media was already present?”

“That’s correct. One of the neighbors must have tipped off the news outlets as well because they actually beat the police there.”

“And what was it that the anchor person asked Allen first?”

“Well, the anchor person drove up in the van and unpacked the camera before asking Allen what he was doing, to which he replied, ‘Me? What the hell are you doing? Get the fuck off my lawn!’”

“Yes, that was definitely an intriguing start to that infamous day. What happened next?”

“Well, as is well documented by the media archives, more news outlets showed up and then came the police. The police asked if he was wearing sunscreen.”

“What was his reply?”

“It was a little muffled, but it sounded like ‘None of your god damn business!’”

“How did the police respond?”

“They took it as an act of resistance and they started to approach my great grandfather. At that point, regardless of whether he was wearing sunscreen or not, he was refusing to cooperate, and the authorities took action.”

“Was this when Allen went to enter the house?”

“Yes, he went into the house and came back out with a shotgun, which he then fired into the air and yelled, ‘I did not spend ten years in a coma to not be able to enjoy a day of sunshine in my own yard in peace and quiet!’”

“Was this when the police moved in and arrested him?”

“That’s right. That’s when people all over the United States, and then all over the world, started coming out of their homes in support of Allen, which sparked the Sun Rays Revolution, which lasted the entirety of the summer.”

“Do you think Allen was aware that he was protesting?”

“I can’t say for certain. It certainly seems as though he was genuinely unaware of what he was doing, but the public obviously didn’t take it that way. Giant banners were waving across cities reading ‘Our yards, our choices!’ and ‘We can have our sun and bathe in it, too!’. People were hosting sun bathing protests and the police couldn’t keep up with the amount of protesters. Eventually, the laws changed, and citizens all over the planet were then able go outside with or without sunscreen whenever they pleased again. Freedom of speech laws were also changed to include protesting that wasn’t government mandated. Allen single handedly sparked the Sun Rays Revolution, intentionally or otherwise.”

“What did your great grandfather have to say about all the protests that started?”

“Well, when asked about why he put on sunscreen if protesting was the point, he replied, ‘I burn easy’, which quickly became a new slogan for the protests that had already erupted.”

“This is still the slogan that goes hand in hand with the protests that we remember today.”

“That’s right. Actually, I inherited my family’s company that created all of the ‘I burn easy’ merchandise that you can still buy to this day. Hats, shirts, and our very own line of sunscreen to keep the words that changed the world alive today.”

“The words and the man they came from are certainly still alive in the hearts and minds of people all over the globe today. Thank you so much for your time with us on this very special anniversary.”

“It truly is my pleasure. To thank you all for watching, we will be offering twenty percent off on all merchandise store wide to all of the revolutionary viewers out there!”

“That will be all for this evening. Thank you all for watching and feel the burn responsibly.”

September 05, 2020 03:30

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1 comment

Suhi Rohin
04:24 Sep 18, 2020

Wow, you know, I never would have thought of an idea like this! What a way to use some subtle satire. But really, I think we're all a little bit of the MC's Great Grandfather, should anyone ask "what you doing" at this point, the answer seems to be "none of you damn business!"

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