17 January at Crispy Donut

17 January 2012

Everyone was on the table having breakfast. But Pia was not eating anything her anxiety was eating her. Pia abruptly in front of the whole family said, ‘Father-in-law I cannot run our age-old ‘Crispy Donut’ bakery anymore. I am sorry but in the 10 years of marriage, I gave myself to the family I took care of our house, our business but in return my dreams are died. I am living like a single despite I am your son’s wife.’ And she looked at her husband and said,

‘this family business is our responsibility not only mine which I am leaving to live my ambitions.'

And she left the house with an offer letter.

17 January 2013 at 4:00 am mobile beeped, a message on skype.

‘Hi Pia.’

‘Hello Mosses’

‘How are you doing?’

‘I am doing great. Thanks. How are you?’

‘I am good. Nice to talk to you.’

I am waiting for some professional conversation but there are only some general dialogues.

‘It might be early in India.’

‘Yeah it’s 4:15 am here. But no worries we are here to serve our clients anytime.

‘That’s great.’

‘Is there any requirement for us?’

‘Yeah, I am looking forward to work with you.’

I was expecting something more related to work but……. that is all we talked this morning nothing big.

10:00 am

I am checking out for office. I am busy getting ready then only mother-in-law knock the door, and mention

“Pia, Arun is vamoosed for some urgent work he said you need to book an uber to go to office.”

‘Ok, did he mention when will he return home?’

‘No’.

‘Ok.’

I have hired a cab reached at my workplace.

I am back home. It is night, my husband is not home.

I think his important work is not finished yet. I start reading some writers like Zig Ziglar, Og Mandino, Jeffery Gitomer to improve my working skills because after quitting from our family business of bakery I started a new job at an IT industry.

It is midnight my husband is not home yet. I sighed. At the end of the day a woman needs her husband, but a man needs either TV, Mobile or his friends.

We hardly sit together. I want to discuss my day with him, but he might be having some more prominent things like his night parties, Pubg or he might be getting bore of me. Does he? After all it has been a decade we are wedded. But why do I need his presence all the time if he does not want me around?

Nights are lonely and days are busy. Normally he comes in the bedroom around 2 or 3 am when I sleep or sometimes, I pretend to sleep. Even if he comes early, he is immersed in some trivial work like twitter, facebook.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and asked, “am I not as beautiful as I used to be?’ That might be the reason, he is getting distracted of me. Perhaps yes because he does not admire me anymore. In that hassle my mobile beeped again, a message on skype.

18 January 2013 at 4 am

‘Hi Pia. Hope you have woke up.’

‘Hi Mosses, well it is early here but yeah I am up.’

This time I asked without waiting.

‘Hey Mosses, how can I help you? Do you have any requirement for us?

‘yep, I am thinking to collaborate with you guys. I think it would be a great deal. Right?’

‘Of course, tell me about your needs I will submit a proposal to you.’

‘Sure, I will.’

‘It is really nice talking to you. Have a good day.’

I am having an energy inflow. For me, a new deal is coming. I am rejoiced. I think I am having an opportunity to prove myself at my new job.

I reached the office via Uber because my husband come late in the morning. I asked him, ‘Where were you last night we were waiting for you at dinner. Anyways your mother cooked butter chicken for you. I have put it on the table. If you wish we can have it together I can join you in the lunch time.’

‘No, I have some meetings.’

‘No issues then go with your schedule. Just to let you know your parents are not at home they went to the lawyer to finish the last legal deal of Crispy Donut. They are selling it to someone.’

‘Ok.’ 

Like the other lonely nights, I am perching in the balcony ruminating about how we met fell into a deep love. He always adored my beauty, my brains and he always said he is blessed to have me. He never missed a chance to spend time with me.

Our marriage had many obstacles because India is a country where cast and gender discrimination present everywhere. We belonged to two different cast and to marry him I had to cede my parents, my family. People like to hear our love story, but they do not understand my grief when my parents say I am perished for them.

I can recollect it when to see me he wrestled the world now I am all his always available, so he does not even look at me. I cannot figure out what happened in those years.I still have the same desire for him, where is his desperation for me flies away? Hugs, kisses, sex are not part of our relation anymore. Even in my sickness he is

away. He says he is with friends. Are they real friends or he is consummating somewhere else? With that thought I have goosebumps. Pia sleep it is getting late and deserted nights come up with terrible convictions I said to myself.

A beep on mobile a message on skype again.

19 January 2013 this time at 3:30 am

‘Hi Pia, I like your profile picture you are an irresistible beauty. Can I call you

“My beautiful angel”?

My heart starts racing. I do not know what I should write. In a long time someone eulogize me. I am jovial but I took a long pause.

‘I am sorry Pia if I created any discomfort. But I really like you.’

‘Hello Mosses, I am musing to talk at a professional level and to let you know I am a married woman.’ I giggled.

‘Is this a happy marriage?’

I do not know this is or not, but I preferred to say ‘yes, it is.’

‘Ok then can we talk like friends?’

I am confused my values say do not put this step forward, but I need a friend. I might be wrong for some people, but I said ‘yes.’

‘Thanks, I am really happy. I think we should set a time. I live in Australia our time zones are different.’

‘You can message me at the same time 4:00 am IST.’

‘That would be great.’

My emptiness desperately needed someone but is this right? Even after knowing I am married; he wishes to chat. Is he pursuing me? But I need someone.

The way to office I tune in to Roberta Flack.

The closer I get to you

The more you make me see

By giving me all you got

Your love has captured me.

Those were the days when he sang these lovely lines to me. I still love him. My husband might be changed but I believe I should try to fix our derailed relationship. With this thought I enter in the house to have lunch together he is not there. Guard tells me he went for a crucial project. I notice his phone; he forgot his mobile which is on the table.I pick it then put it back then pick it again confused. I am trying to unlock his phone his password is changed. I try some other password from the back of my memory. Phone is unlocked. I see some lustful messages, some uncensored pictures. My doubt is confirmed and in the nick of time my husband opens the door who come back to bring his forgotten mobile which is in my hand and my eyes are wide full of tears. I am expecting some answers but instead he takes mobile and gone.

I am counting my isolate nights, a sensual desire any adult human would obviously have for his/her partner. My in-laws rarely say anything to their son. Though they notice I sleep alone most of the time, but they love their son. Although they never let me compromise with my needs. I have every beautiful and expensive jewelry a woman can dream of; I have high-priced clothes and everything except a loving husband.

Year passed I have reached heights in my career whereas my husband is still busy in some so-called urgent dire meetings which I have explored on his phone. He just need money to carry on those affairs so for this he occasionally approaches his parents.

My mobile ringed a skype call 17 January 2017 4:00 am IST.

‘Hello Pia.’

‘Hi Mosses.’

‘Are you willing to have a secret life with me here in Australia? It has been years we are talking on phone; I want you.’

I killed the abandonment of my nights with a person who is sitting miles away. I am enjoying talking to him because my hormones needed to be satisfied. But having a secret life ‘was it my cup of tea’?

‘No, not at all.’

‘I am having a real life here.’

‘Hey Pia. There?’

‘Yes, I am.’

‘we can make it completely professional if you want.’

‘let me think. I will answer.’

I know my in-laws are old, and their only son is enjoying his life.

I know I am his on-paper wife who was once used to be a loving darling.

I know those aged people need me. 

I know his parents understand the fact that we are not in a relationship.

I know one more thing his parents lament for their only son.

I cannot have a secret life I cannot leave them I am their hope. I think I am talking to Mosses just to please my chemicals flowing in my body or this might be my solitariness which brought him close to me.

I have blocked his number; mobile has stopped beeping in the early morning but my heart weeps with loneliness every day. He is a “Lost Friend” now.

With time my heart ceased beating for my husband, but I respect his parents and miss my lost friend.

17 January 2018 7:00 pm

I am back from office; my in-laws are standing in the living room looking at me. I see my dairy in my father-in-law’s hands. He neither say a single word nor my mother-in-law. They give me back my dairy. We silently had dinner.

17 January 2020

My in-laws have become a history. They are no more. I stopped loving my husband years ago. For my parents I was already departed. My lost friend is a lovely memory. People find me lone, but I feel full crowded with my thoughts and happiness enjoying life. 17 January has become a special date and on 17 January I am sitting in the Crispy Donut which is someone else’s property

now but still tells me ‘you are strong’ I am completing my next novel. In this journey I have found a writer in me.