AS A SHADOW COMING OUT OF THE PAST

AS A SHADOW COMING OUT OF THE PAST

“ Don’t you recognize me? Ah, a lot of time went by…..But, look at me…take a good look at me….Oh, it’s me! Really don’t you recognize me?” He asked with a vibrating voice, and as he asked, his eyes __it was evening and there was fog___they lit up like two light bulbs, coming towards him.  In the dream Peter met him at a corner of a street, coming out from behind a wall. He, Joe, had appeared suddenly, the frail figure of an old suffering man, in his hallow, very pale face his eyes flashed an unreal light. He had seemed to Peter not Joe, but the ghost of Joe. And in fact he had said, backing away a little from that diaphanous, pale figure ( of his) : “ You? But is it really you? I thought you were dead” Then Peter woke up agitated and scared too. Not that he believed in premonition dreams, yet he knew  that sometimes it happen to dream what is going to happen in the waking life. Yes, he was afraid that his dream could herald the return of him, of Joe.

So Peter had tried not to think about that dream and the feeling it had left him. But two days later, while he was in his office, Joe ha called him. He had been sure right away, as soon as he

answered, that it was Joe, even if he couldn’t recognize his voice.

Joe had asked him, at first softly, almost timidly, then more and more insistently, to meet him (to be able to see him) Peter had limited (himself) to saying: “ It just doesn’t seem the case. I don’t want to meet you at all”

A few days later, one evening, as soon as he came back home, it was Lucy, his wife, who informed him that an old man had come to the door , asking about him, about Peter F. That old man had said he absolutely had to see Peter F.

“ Did you let him come into the house?” Peter asked immediately, very worried, indeed frightened.  Unfortunately Lucy had let him into the house. “ You know, when he asked me if he could have a glass of water , I spontaneously said him to come in, to sit down in the living room…..Oh, Peter, what is it? God, you made a face!  Shouldn’t I have let him come in?”

Ah, now…it was useless to say her that yes, she shouldn’t have.

Peter wanted to know what that…that old man had been talking about, and what he had asked her about.

“ Oh, when I opened the door he asked of you….if this was your house, if you lived here….and if you were at home. Ah, he said he badly needed to see you…..Then, no, I don’t remember he had said something else”

Peter was afraid above all that Joe could have asked about his family, about his life, about his work too…but more than anything else he was afraid that  Joe , having asked about his children, he could have known something about them , and also about his wife, who, unfortunately, he had seen, having been the one who opened the door and let him come into the house.

“Did this…this old man  see Paul and Cecil, by chance?” He therefore took care to ask, trembling. And what a relief it was for him to know ( to learn) that, but no, he hadn’t seen them, they weren’t home when that man came.  “ And you didn’t ask him…didn’t you ask him WHO he was? _-Peter was more and more frightened. “ Of course I asked him ( who he was)” Lucy replied; without adding anything else. Peter was terribly afraid that Joe had said his name, that it would be ( would have been) enough to hear his name for Lucy to notice who he was, who he really was. “ So what did he answer you?”    “ Well, he just repeated to me that he badly needed to see you….and that it would have been enough , if I told this, for you to understand who he was”

Lucy looked at him, sighing. “ Oh, you know “ she said “ in my opinion, either that old guy wanted to be mysterious , or….he is one not quite right with the head”

While Lucy was so saying, Peter kept on wondering how it was possible that she, who had seen Joe, couldn’t suspect who he was. Yet she didn’t seem to think at all about  who that old man might( could) be. Since that old man was Peter’s father, of which  he didn’t know anything, not even if he was dead or alive, since a life time. About  his father Peter had always spoken little and reluctantly with everyone, even with Lucy, who he had met twenty years earlier. And she, Lucy, had never insisted that he told her of  his father. She knew that Peter had not seen his parent since a lot of years, and she   knew very well that Peter hated his father (him) , mostly certainly because of the disaster he had made over thirty years ago, when Peter was little more than a child. But, even before that disaster Joe had been a bad father, he hadn’t cared about Peter and his twin sister Alicia He had betrayed his mother repeatedly, and she ( his mother), knowing of his betrayals, had endured, indeed suffered, until Joe had counted , among his many lovers , also his wife’s sister, who was married and had children,. It was the husband of his mother’s sister who discovered their affair. He, uncle Johnny, claimed he would have killed Joe. And probably he would really have done it, if Joe would have not been gone.

So Peter’s father had managed to smash two families: his own and that of his wife’s sister. He was gone after the slaughter he had caused, slaughter which had not have end with his departure from the scene. Peter’s aunt, his mother’s sister, had killed herself in a frightening way, by setting herself in fire, his mother died shortly after his father was gone.

Paul and her sister were placed in the care of their maternal grandparents. His twin sister Alicia had run away from home, she was found years later, drugged and alcoholic. Since then she had spent her life from a clinic to another to detoxify. Peter had grown up; with the help of his grandparents he had started his own business , first managing a Bed & Breakfast, then a Hotel.

He had married Lucy, with whom he had two children, Paul and Cecil, now teenagers.  Their was a beautiful family, where harmony, mutual understanding, and even joy reigned.

Paul was satisfied of  his life. Sometimes it happened to him to be amazed to have a such peaceful, such fulfilling life like the one he was living.

And now, HERE HE IS, that mess of his father had come ( reappeared), looking for him, insisting that he wanted, he needed to see him, and Lucy had let him come into the house, into their house.   After all that time Peter never thought of him. When , the rare times that it happened, he ardently hoped that he would never have seen Joe again. For Peter it was indifferent whether he was dead or alive. The important thing, what mattered (it) was that Joe was no longer in his life, that he was no longer there forever. And now here he was reappearing. Peter felt that his reappearance was a terrible threat, even for him, of course, but what he, Peter feared above all was the threat that, he felt. his father  represented for his family. Lucy, ah, unfortunately Joe had seen her, and he had talked with her….Now Peter had absolutely to prevent his father from approaching his children, he had to prevent even just ( only) he could see them. He felt with absolutely certainly that it would be enough for his damned father to see them, Paul and Cecil, to bring them bad luck. As for him ( regarding him), even though he hadn’t met Joe yet, that is, it hadn’t yet happened to him to have to see him, Peter knew it would happen ( would have happened) sooner or later ( he knew it was going to happen). His father had already gone to look for him at home, he had called him at work ( in office), sooner or later it would have been inevitable to find ….that disaster  in front, in flesh and blood, not ethereal figure as he had appeared in his dream.  Even if every time he opened not only the door of his house or of his office, but every door he happened to open, Peter was holding his breath, for fear to see him appear suddenly, as had happened in his dream, so like when he got into his car he was afraid to see him sitting inside, and even he was afraid to meet him on the street, when he went out for a walk , instead Joe, almost strangely , could not see his son for several weeks. Yeah, his father kept on looking for him tirelessly, he phoned him every day, insisting to see ( to meet) him, and he went to ask about him in his hotel, and to friends and acquaintances, he even started going to the bar where Peter went every day, but for some time his efforts to see him were useless. But  being able to avoid meeting him, to find him in front suddenly, and this was a little by chance, but also thanks his shrewdness, did not diminish Peter’s fear for his reappearance.

His father was back, and , even though he had managed to avoid seeing him, he was already upsetting his life. Ever since he had learned from Lucy that man, unknown to her, had come to look for him at home, and( he) had even entered his house, Peter had been more than worried, indeed he had been overwhelmed by a terrible fear. He felt, with absolutely certainty, that his father would harm him and his family , that his father was looming threateningly over his family, that he, Joe, would have fallen, like a disgrace, on his family.

And Peter, who kept on trying to avoid meeting him, and he kept on saying him , when Joe phoned, that he didn’t want to see him, (he, P.) was not sure about what he should do ( should have done) to prevent him from harming his children and his wife, and what he had to do to finally get rid of him.

Until Joe reappearance in Peter’s family there was peace, harmony, there was mutual understanding. The reappearance of his father had troubled and agitated Peter, and his relations with his children and his wife had become more strained. They had started arguing every day, any excuse was fine for arguing.  Peter arrived even to beat his wife and his children. He had to realized with horror he had become dangerous for his loved ones, and all this because of that bastard of his father, who had come from the past looking for him, who kept on insisting he wanted to see (meet) him.  Peter decided he had to get rid of him  forever. So he would have agreed to meet him and if he couldn’t get his father away from him and his family, Peter felt he would have been capable of killing him.  His father was glad that Peter had finally agreed to meet him. They would have met in the Central bar. Peter went to the appointment very agitated, he was not able to drive carefully.  At a crossroads a big truck hit his car and Peter died in the accident.