Time and again

"The thing I get most upset about is people who have no respect for time."

He looked around at his young chargers, and for a moment he looked like one of them. His youthful face was indicative of a man who makes a living protecting time.

The Inspector of the Chronological Crimes Unit resumed his speech to the sponge-like ears of his graduates.

"You may think that you have all the time in the world, jumping back and forth, and here and there, but you must have respect for time. It is not to be overused, nor ignored, nor repeated, nor skipped. You disrespect time at your own peril and if you are not careful then, mark my words, you will end up no better than those you are trying to stop."

The Inspector looked at the eager faces and wished at that point that he could convey the things he knew. Even his momentary pause couldn't speak what was in his heart.

"As time travellers, indeed especially as time travellers, there is no time to waste," he concluded.

***

There is rain on the window. It seems like it has always been there. I watch the droplets find there own path down the pane. They turn at odd angles, sometimes slowing, sometimes rushing, tripping over themselves and each other as they all scuttle to their final destination. My poor sojourning droplets.

I remember like it was yesterday. I wonder how old I am. I look in the mirror. A young boy of ten grins back cheekily. I remember that boy.

The room is painted yellow. The bed is blue and the comforter that lays casually on it is a bright red. I love my smurf pyjamas, my blond hair and the glow I can feel on my face.

I look again and see an old man with darkness for eyes, and ridges of dried crusty leather for skin.

The room is grey and dark. The bed is concrete, and the comforter is nothing but a hessian sack. The rags I wear every day serve as my pyjamas.

This person is becoming less of a stranger to me and that makes me increasingly uncomfortable. I look accusingly at the secret passage. I know it's there. I know what it is doing to me, but it is still giving me strange comfort.

Just one more time, then I will destroy it and use the doors just like everyone else.

***

"Inspector the reason I have called you in is that we have discovered some anomalies in a timeline."

The captain brought up some visuals in front of them, and both men gazed intently at several lines in the space.

"What am I supposed to be looking at?"

The captain lifted his finger towards a seemingly insignificant dot.

"No wonder I missed it. I was looking for a break in the timeline, this seems to be more of a loop. A very small one at that."

The captain nodded but didn't say anything.

"It's almost as if someone is living the same day over and over again. Why would they want to do that?"

"That is exactly what I want you to find out"

***

The room is stale. I spit the flavourless chewing gum into the paper bin with disgust. I look closely at the doors and wonder just how long I have been a prisoner here.

Do the doors even open? There is an ominous patina on their handles. Is it rust or dust? After so long I know it doesn't matter. Either way, I know I can not face what is on the other side.

It's the same old problem. I can't open the doors, but I can't stay here relentlessly but passively becoming more acquainted with the old man in the mirror. I have to escape again to my youth.

I look at the doors again and chastise myself for my cowardice. I imagine stepping up to one of them, putting my hand on the doorknob and turning it tentatively.

I imagine it turning, slowly yielding to the rotational force. A click and the door is released and free to be opened. I draw it back slowly with each beat of my heart.

I close my eyes as I feel the door give way. I can feel myself being drawn forward into the open darkness. I try to resist but I can still feel it drawing me in. I knew this would happen. My muscles tighten. There is bile in my throat and a buzzing in my head.

I feel like I am falling. Forward and down. I am slipping into the choking darkness. Close the door. Close the door, please. Someone close the door. I don't want to go any further.

I open my eyes and I realise I haven't even taken a step. Both doors are closed along with my imagination. I look at the doors and then at the tunnel. I know where the tunnel leads. It glows with welcome light. The darkness behind the doors convinces me once more.

I take one more look at my clock. 11.59 pm on the 27th of March. I smile a goodbye and enter the warmth of the tunnel.

***

The captain looked earnestly at The Inspector.

"We are tracking the timeline. As soon as the anomaly reappears we have calibrated the machine to transfer you to the appropriate location."

"What exactly do you want me to do?"

"Depends."

"On what?"

"Our thief might not be aware of what he is doing, " the captain said.

The Inspector shrugged his shoulders

"If that's the case," he continued, "then you have to educate whoever is doing it about the seriousness of what he is doing and try to help him break the cycle. If, however, it's intentional then..."

The Inspector nodded. He knew his job, and the captain acknowledged this by waving him away. There was no need to complete the sentence and the anomaly could reoccur at any time. He needed to be ready to stop it as soon as possible.

***

The young keen faces of the cadets focused on his every word.

"The problem with wasting time is that, like any other resource, time is limited."

He paused and waited for his words to be digested.

"As time travellers it is easy to think we have all the time in the world, but the one thing you must remember is that the first law of thermodynamics applies as much to time as it does to energy and matter. It can not be created or destroyed.

"What does this mean? In practical terms, if you take time, someone else is losing it. Maybe only a thousandth of a second at a time, but they still lose it.

"Imagine then what would happen if we allowed someone to do this over and over again; indeed if we allowed everyone to do it. We could well end up removing days or even years from someone who needs it. We could miss out on medical cures, solutions to global financial crises, or technological breakthroughs. Imagine if we had removed time from Newton, or Einstein or Shakespeare.

"Time is a far more precious resource than most people understand. We can not allow people to treat it cheaply or irresponsibly. We must protect time in the same way we protect our other valuable resources.

"That is the essence of our job. That is the calling of all those who serve in the Chronological Crimes Unit. This is your principle. Remember this each time you travel.

"You turn off a tap, you switch off the lights. If we didn't then we may well run out of these valuable resources and jeopardise the future of the whole human race, perhaps even the universe itself. In a similar way, let's also make the most of the time we have."

***

I am at the end of the secret tunnel.

I step out of it and back into my room. The clock on my wall reads 12.04 am on the 27th of March. Same place, different time. The journey took me five minutes but gave me another 24 hours.

I get the same feeling I always get. It makes me feel better that I have an extra day to live, but what have I gained? Freedom from time but not from space. I am still a prisoner because of the doors I can't bear to open. The doors labelled Future and Past. I can't go forward I can't go back. This is all a complete waste of time.

How I found myself in this predicament I don't know. How, when or why the secret tunnel appeared is also beyond me. All I know is that some kind of wormhole formed in my bedroom, and once I stepped through it the first time, that was it. The allure of the tunnel gives me time to escape but the desire for it imprisons me. To put it another way, I can leave anytime I want to. The trouble is I don't want to.

I am overcome by exhaustion. I always am whenever I have these thoughts. I put on my sensible pyjamas which are neither smurf covered nor hessian and climb into bed.

Maybe in the morning I will feel a little better.

***

The alarm on The Inspector's desk went off.

He made his way to the nearest portal with firm but light steps. He hesitated at the threshold before opening the door and stepping through. No matter how many times he did this he never enjoyed the uncomfortable feeling he got whenever he travelled.

This time he was in an ordinary bedroom with an ordinary man sleeping in sensible pyjamas, The Inspector took a quick look at the secret tunnel, the two doors labelled Past and Future and the mirror.

After straightening his hair in the mirror he took another look at the man in the bed and shook his head. Seeing a rather comfortable chair in the corner he sat down and waited.

***

For the first time for a very long time, I wake up. Today is a very different day.

"Good morning"

I haven't heard a voice or seen another face in a very long time. He smiles at me. What is the joke? The clock says 10.30 am so it is still morning.

"I trust you slept well?"

Trust? What an odd phrase. It isn't a matter of trust. I rub my eyes and try to clear the blur in my mind.

"If you didn't sleep well you can always try again."

I stare at him. Is it my imagination or did he give a slight nod in the direction of my secret tunnel when he uttered the phrase 'try again'?

"Anyway, it's time we were dressed and on our way."

For a young man, his voice has authority and I have nothing better to do so I get up and get dressed.

"Where are we going? The doors don't work and the tunnel over there doesn't go anywhere."

"Ah, the tunnel. Yes... that's a problem. Have you actually tried the doors?"

"Yes, I tried the doors."

I don't like lying, but it is still one of the most effective weapons of self-defence.

"Recently?"

I nod.

"Show me."

His brow was not furrowed. Instead, his eyes seemed to hang at the edges. His voice was firm but soft. It reminded me of my mother when I was young and wet the bed.

I go to the door marked Past. I place my hands on the familiar doorknob and manage to pluck up enough courage to turn it.

"That is the entrance, not the exit, but at least it's a start. Maybe we will get some fresh air in the room. Go ahead and open it."

Indeed the air is fresh. I don't go through the door. I know in my heart it is not somewhere I want to live. Instead, I just stand there and breathe in the fresh air. Maybe if I stand here long enough this stranger won't ask me to do what comes next.

"What about the other door?"

I turn around, but instead of the other door, I move to the tunnel and just stand there.

"You know you are just wasting time. Ignore the tunnel, you have a door to open."

I look at the door but I don't move. "No. That door is rusted over. That's why I'm stuck here and can't get out."

"Doesn't work? Just like the other door? " he smiled.

I look back at the tunnel.

"Treading water is as good as drowning if you don't know how to swim."

Why am I taking advice from a stranger? "Who are you?"

He snaps himself out of the chair. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am The Inspector. I come from the Chronological Crimes Unit and I am investigating an anomaly"

The young man points in the direction of the secret tunnel. "It's quite simple really. If you keep using this tunnel to avoid your future because you can't face your past then you are keeping the anomaly open and draining time from the rest of the universe."

I move to the mirror and stare at it. The ten-year-old boy has tears on his cheeks and the old man is shaking his head. They are both pointing to the door and I realise what I had always known.

"Be brave little boy because I am not going to let the old man down."

The Inspector smiles at me and mouths the words 'go for it'. It helps to have someone else in the room. It helps a lot.

I go to the door marked Future and look at it. The knob seems more like a golden colour in the light that is coming from the other door. I take a deep breath and turn the handle and pull it open.

I am aware of three things as I step into my future. The first is the other door closing behind me. The second is the collapse of my secret tunnel, and the third is the words The Inspector gives me as a parting gift.

***

The graduation speech had been going for a long time but the attention of the students had not wavered.

"Finally," The Inspector said, "let me leave you with these words. Don't be afraid of the future. The darkness of the unknown is simply the mysteries of life you haven't solved yet."