It had been twenty-four years since she'd last seen it, but the place looked exactly the same. Lucy stepped off the bus and gazed cautiously around at the town she ran away from all of those years ago. She picked up her small solitary suitcase from the luggage compartment and wondered if this was a good idea after all. She wished she could get back on the bus and just go home. This used to be home, she reminded herself, although it felt more like a vague dream to her now. She turned to Rosie standing beside her, who was giving her a stoically supportive stare. 

"Are you alright Mum?" Rosie asked gently. 

"I Will be, I just need a minute" answered Lucy, giving her best fake smile. "Let's get to the hotel and then find something to eat, 8 hours on a bus has me famished, how about you?" she suggested.

Rosie nodded in agreement.

Lucy knew the hotel was in the main square. She remembered that was only a few streets away, so they agreed to walk. 

As she began to walk along the pavement she thought about how strange it was to have not been somewhere in twenty-four years but to still remember every detail of the place. Her feet were guiding her along the streets, leading them where they needed to go. The sun was shining ferociously and it felt hot for being so early in the day. She was glad to have caught an overnight bus so they at least managed to get some sleep on the journey. She was beginning to feel sticky and eager to rinse off in a cool shower once they had checked in. 

After about fifteen minutes of silent commute, Lucy realized she was standing outside the Church. She was instantly struck with a heartache that almost knocked her from her feet. Was she really back here, after all this time? Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe they would not forgive her. 

She stood and stared at the church, frozen and unable to move. So many memories washed over her, it felt like a tidal wave of emotions that were inhibiting her from going any further in her quest. The large stained glass windows that she used to love to stare at, watching the light glisten through them, were exactly as she remembered. She thought about how in all of her lonely nights over the years she had often thought of these windows. She knew this was an unusual detail to become so consumed by. These were the windows of a building that used to make her feel so safe, after all.  

"Come on Mum, let's go, we can come back later if you like" Rosie squeezed her hand tentatively, trying to draw her away from her fixed spot on the pavement. 

Lucy snapped out of her daydream and looked lovingly at her daughter. It was all worth it, for her. Rosie had turned into the most caring and wonderful young woman and Lucy reminded herself every day that it was all worth it, for her beautiful daughter. 

They arrived at the hotel and Lucy was exhausted. They checked into their modest twin room and Lucy paced the room anxiously. All she wanted to do was to climb into the squeaky bed, pull the raggedy quilt over her head and hide. Her thoughts whirring only slightly louder than the sound of the rickety air conditioner. She threw the nearest pillow at it in frustration. She kept going over in her head what she was going to say when she spoke to them. Would they even want to speak to her? She had to find out. They had come all this way for a reunion and she wasn't going to leave without one, no matter what that looked like. She needed absolution from the guilt she had been carrying around for twenty-four years. 

Lucy had always been honest with Rosie about where she came from, the reason why she had to run when she was just a few months pregnant. She always imagined what life would have been like if she had made different decisions. 

Lucy had met Rosie's father at a party one late summer night. The majority of the party was comprised of older guys and younger girls, that's just the way it was in this town. As soon as she walked in she noticed him. Standing in the corner, a cloud of thick smoke danced around him as he took long drags of his cigarette. His jet black hair was slicked back and he had the beginnings of a rough beard framing his angular jaw. Lucy had never seen anyone she was so attracted to before. The boys she went to school with may as well still be in diapers compared to this worldly specimen. She stood at the other side of the room and stole away hasty glances, trying to pretend she was listening to a single word her friend Beth was saying. She observed groups of girls dancing close to him, giggling amongst themselves, eager to attract his attention. He was easily the most mature and attractive looking male there and every girl had noticed him. 

"He's dangerous, but in the sexiest way" whispered Beth lusciously into Lucy's ear, clearly noticing her intrigue. 

Lucy didn't respond, wondering what her friend could have possibly been implying when she called him dangerous. Surely, she meant he was a player and it would be dangerous to get involved with him. Surely she would end up with a broken heart but no broken bones. Still, Lucy couldn't help but play Beth's words over one last time when he finally approached her. By the time she had taken a look into his deep dark eyes, all thoughts of danger were gone. 

Lucy replayed that night over and over in her mind. How naive she had been to get involved with him. She couldn't have known what her friend had truly meant when she called him dangerous, because that was putting it mildly. 

It was time to make the call. She lifted the receiver and dialed the number, which she still knew by heart. She assumed it would still be the same. Her parents had always lived in the same house since they were married and she knew they would never move. She knew they would never change their number, in case she called. She had tried to dial it so many times before but didn't have the courage. The longer she left it to call the less able she felt. She knew how much she must have hurt her parents to run away like that, leaving no trace for them to follow, not even a note. She couldn't have risked them knowing where she was, he might have found her. She had to go where no one could find her to protect Rosie. 

The ringing tone began and Lucy's heart started to pound in her chest. How could she beg for forgiveness after what she must have put them through?

"Hello?" Lucy's mum's quiet voice crept through the receiver. 

"Mum?" Croaked Lucy, holding back tears. 

"Lucy, is that you Lucy? Oh my, is, is, is that really you?" Her mum stuttered in astonishment. 

"Yes Mum, it's me. I'm here in town. Can we meet?" Asked Lucy, her lower lip trembling she tried not to breakdown on the phone. 

"Oh my darling, you have no idea how long I've waited for you to come back to me," Gasped her mum through tears. 

"I'll be there soon. Mum, I know this is a lot for you right now, but I'm bringing someone with me who I would like you to meet. I'll see you soon." Lucy hung up the phone and wiped her face with her sleeve. She felt like a child again. 

Lucy and Rosie quickly ate some sandwiches that they picked up from a small cafe next to the hotel. Lucy imagined that her parents would ask them to stay for dinner. She relished the idea of eating one of her mother's delicious homecooked meals again. They caught a bus from the bus station that weaved through the familiar suburbs of the town that led to Lucy's parent's house. Her hands were shaking and she had jitters not dissimilar to drinking 6 cups of coffee before noon. When they finally arrived she stood staring up at the simple semi-detached house she knew so well. It looked the same but showed signs of serious neglect. The pots that lined the porch were filled with dead plants. The paint on the front door was peeling aggressively. The gutter was hanging away from the roof. The house looked in a state of complete disrepair. Her parents used to remind Lucy that you must take care of what is yours. She felt a sharp pang of guilt at the state of the house, realizing they must have let things slide after her disappearance. In that same instant, she acknowledged how closely she followed their advice. She did take care of what was her's, she took care of Rosie. 

She knocked gently on the front door and stepped back in anticipation. She knew it was time to face her fears. Tears already welling up behind her eyes, she desperately tried not to cry. She knew it would only set her mother off.

Her initial realization when she saw her mother was how frail she looked. She looked nearly a hundred, yet was only in her sixties. Her hair fell in long grey straggly pieces around her pale, gaunt face. She looked drained and defeated. She took one look at Lucy and burst into loud, heaving sobs. The relief of years of not knowing where her only child was flooding out of her in intense and overwhelming howls. Rosie stood to the side awkwardly looking away, trying to give her mother and her grandmother some semblance of privacy in such an emotional and intimate moment. They hadn't spoken to each other in twenty-four years. Neither of them knew what to say.

After a few minutes had passed Lucy's mother gathered herself together. Sniveling into a white handkerchief she neatly pulled from her sleeve. She patted her face dry, dabbing at her red swollen eyes. 

"You had better come in then, no point in us standing out here crying all day," She said, slightly lightening the tone of the situation. 

Lucy looked at Rosie and nodded at her reassuringly. Rosie gave her mum a compassionate and gentle smile, gesturing towards the house. It was time to give her mother some answers. 

They entered the small hallway and Lucy glanced at the family photographs that adorned the walls. Smiling faces gazed out of the pictures taking her on a journey into a past era. Her favorite photograph stood proudly on the side table. It was from a family holiday that they took to the seaside. They had just gotten ice cream cones when her Dad playfully scooped her up and threw her onto his shoulders and she dropped her entire ice cream directly on top of his head, smothering him in mint chocolate chip. She had squealed with laughter. The photograph had been taken just seconds later, her gleaming with happiness holding onto her father's head whilst ice cream ran down his smiling face. That was one of her fondest memories. She was so staggeringly happy at that moment to get to look upon that very photograph. She thought she may never see it again. 

"I'll fix us some tea dear, make yourself comfortable in the living room. Does your friend drink tea?" She glanced at Rosie expectantly. 

"Yes tea would be lovely, thank you" Rosie replied uncomfortably. 

Lucy turned, mouthed an apology, and gave Rosie a look that was weighted with a hundred different emotions. 

Lucy sat on the antiquated sofa that looked like it needed replacing a long time ago, it's brown leather scratched and worn. She beckoned Rosie to sit beside her which would leave the armchair free for her mother. She glanced around the room that held so many childhood memories. Her eyes landed on the bronze statue of Jesus that still sat front and center on the mantel. 

When Lucy's mother returned she hastily poured tea for three and then sat and gazed at her daughter expectantly, waiting for the answers she had yearned for all these years. In the face of silence, she pursued the most obvious query first.

"Are you going to introduce me to your friend, dear?" She asked politely. Clearly, she had perceived no sign of a resemblance between her daughter and the stranger sitting beside her. Lucy always felt Rosie looked so much like her father. She had his dark eyes, his dark hair. People often mistook them for sisters rather than mother and daughter.  

"Mum, this is my daughter, your granddaughter, Rosie," Lucy explained, hoping she would not give her mother a heart attack before they had even drunk their tea. 

Her mother sat silently, gazing from one of them to the other, obviously trying to put the pieces together in her head. She looked overwhelmed. All of a sudden it started to fit together like a jigsaw puzzle as bewilderment turned to clear and firm understanding. 

"This is why you ran away?" She gasped, "You were pregnant?". She looked absolutely horrified. "You ran because you thought we wouldn't accept it? We were good Christian people, did you think we would have turned you away? Lucy, your father and I loved you so much we would never..." Her words trailed as she began to sob again.

"No Mum, you don't understand, it was never you. It was him, it was Tommy." Pleaded Lucy. The last thing she had wanted was for her mother to blame herself. 

"We knew when you started seeing that boy it would be trouble," Sighed her mother, holding her head in her hands. "So what, he got you pregnant and then wanted nothing to do with it? That doesn't explain running away from your family Lucy" She said tensely. Confusion still covering her face.

"Mum, he was abusive. I didn't want to tell you and Dad because you couldn't have protected me. You couldn't have done anything. His whole family was bad news. What could a Pastor and his wife do to protect their daughter from a family of thugs."Lucy felt humiliated to admit this to her Mother. How did she let herself get involved with someone so threatening and terrifying?

Her mum looked at her in shock. "What do you mean a family of thugs?" she asked fearfully, her voice quavering. 

"I only realized the extent of what his family was capable of a few months into the relationship. I wanted to break it off with him then, but then I found out I was pregnant. I told him, I told him I wanted to keep the baby but I didn't want to be with him. I was already so terrified of him and what he could do. He went crazy. We had a huge fight, he hit me, he threatened me. I was scared, I didn't know what he was capable of. I just didn't know what to do." Lucy began to breakdown again. "He told me that if I tried to get away that he would have his family find me, I just couldn't put you and Dad at risk." Lucy wept. 

Rosie hugged her mother tightly, acknowledging how strong she thought she was. 

"I've always checked online to keep up with local news, hoping to keep me connected in some way to you" she choked. "Then one day, there it was, a news article. Tommy and two of his uncles had been arrested for a robbery. They killed a security guard and they all went to prison. They are going to be in prison for a very long time Mum, we're finally safe." Lucy reached over and took her Mum's hand in hers and squeezed it tightly. 

They sat in silence for a few moments, Lucy wanted to give her mum some time to process this gulf of information. 

Her mother raised her head with a newfound resilience and said "I finally have you back" as if she was talking only to herself. 

"Where's Dad?" Asked Lucy eagerly, finding her own strength return, "Is he still at the church? Maybe we could go down and surprise him, I can't wait to see him." She began to feel the excitement, buzzing from her resolution with her mother, she hoped things would be as easy with her father, he was always the stern one of the two, but she knew he would be overjoyed to see her. 

Her mother stayed silent. An ominous look of grief washed over her.

"Mum, where's Dad?" Lucy looked at her mum in disbelief as she began to sense that something was wrong. 

"Your father passed away Lucy, five years ago. I'm so sorry." One solitary tear slid down her cheek. "He loved you so much. We looked for you for so long. He became ill, we didn't realize until it was too late. He was stage four by the time we went to the doctor." Explained her mum delicately. 

Lucy felt like her whole world had shattered. She never anticipated in any scenario she had imagined of her return that her Dad would not be here. All this time she had been hiding and he had spent the last years of his life looking for her. She felt so ashamed. The grief she felt at the loss of her father swelled inside her, she knew she had to be strong. She had to be strong for her mother now, and her daughter.

"Can you ever forgive me Mum?" she asked, bracing herself. 

"My baby girl, there is nothing to forgive," She said lovingly. 

She had her Mother's love and forgiveness and that was all that mattered.