is there an afterlife ?

I poured Whiskey into a glass, watching it fill with the dark brown color of my favorite drink. Taking the glass from the kitchen to my living room, I placed it on a table next to my couch. I went a little to harsh so the sound made me think it broke for a second. I turned on the radio like everyday. “ Good evening ladies and gentleman, the weather tomorrow will be quite shivering with an astonishing - 7 degrees celsius, rain also to be expected with a chance of 68 percent”. I took my first sip from the glass, remembering how I used to make a face while swallowing. “ What's more interesting, scientists found a way to make you experience death. A young Swedish team in the field of neuroscience made a groundbreaking discovery, when testing the brain activity of a freshly killed sheep.” I sat up and got closer to the radio. “ They initially wanted to figure out how long the brain would remain intact before shutting down, when it did they accidentally brought it back to breathing. Brian Adams, one of the teams members, wanted it to be tested on him. He experience death and reported to have seen and felt nothing. Of course believing that would be naive, they knew that too. So after further testing they published stations for everyone. Soon after they got built into trucks, now driving around almost every city. WIth the glass in my hand I walked to the window, there it actually was. A truck on the corner of my street. Action never happened in this part of town, should I check this out? Believing in an afterlife was never for me, joining God in heaven sounded absurd. This was my chance to prove it to myself, but this has to be a trick. How could this be? Experiencing death, I always knew this happened someday, but me, getting to see this day I could've never dreamed of. Rushing to the door I left after taking my keys. My building never had an elevator, so I had to take the stairs. There are people out there who have already died by now, I am about to be one of them. What if it had a malfunction, they said publishing was only possible after further testing. But still there had to be a small chance of me actually dying.But I needed to know if I was right, “ seen and felt nothing” they said on the radio. Would it be the same for me? I opened the exit door, outside a huge line built in front of this truck. I wish to be able to see inside of it but even the truck is hard to see with all these people gathering around. After walking all the way to the back of the line, not even a minute passed before another five stood behind me.

The woman in front of me wore nothing but a blanket. Trying to cover her private parts she moved it a lot. The constant scratching of her arms made me uneasy. This got worse when blood stains appeared on the blanket. Avoiding the sight of her as much as possible I paid more attention to the other people around me. Until no one was in front of me anymore. “ Next one “ a woman's voice screamed from inside the truck. When entering it, only a mattress layed on the ground with three masked people surrounding it. “ Lay down, it won't hurt, “ they told me. The mattress itched the skin my clothes didn't cover, as one of them made me inhale something…..

“ Was that it “? I asked them. “ Yes, are you enlightened now? “ One of them said mockingly. They pushed me outside before I heard the lady scream for the next one to come in. I never feared death but after this even less. I couldn't describe “nothingness” . I just placed myself on the mattress then got up again, Closest thing to it was sleeping without a dream. I had nights in which I slept so little falling asleep and waking up I perceived it as the same moment. If what I experienced now was actually death it felt a little like those nights but still slightly different in ways I couldn't bring to words. At Least the weather is cold, I might as well get some fresh air while I'm out here. “ It's all fake, it's all fake”! A drunk screamed, running at me. I barely dodged to the side before he would have run me over. Idiotic drunks, always in the same part of town as me. You get to see them all the time, today a bit more than usual though. I walked into a flower shop, and a bell rang over my head while entering. “ Hello” I screamed, there has to be someone here, I read “open” on the door before entering. After screaming again a guy opened the “staff only” room door, “ You're not one of those are you”? he said. “ One of those “? 

“ The crazy people, a lot of them around today, are you one of those “? he asked again. “ I'm not, just here for some flowers sir “ I assured him. “ Flowers huh,... which ones do you want”? “ yellow ones, my daughter's favorite “. The bell on the door rang again. When I turned around, three guys ran into the store. Are those the people he talked about? They looked at me and the employee before destroying one after another vase with flowers in them. One of them walked up to me, raising his arm while getting closer. “ Wait “ I stopped him. “ I'm one of you, “ I added. “ One of us “? the man asked. “ I was just about to rob this man, then you guys came in”. “ Go right ahead, dont let us distract you.” He answered before joining his friends again. I turned around to the cashier “ G..give me your money “! I said. We met eyes before he quickly put his hands in the cashbox and gave some out to me. The guys still broke all things they could find so I ran out the door. “ Hey there, not so quick someone grabbed my shoulder from behind. “ Youre one of us “ he said. handing me a baseball bat. “ We have something planned for later, why not join us “?. If I said no, he'd definitely punch me. “ Sure, “ I answered. He lifted his hand off my shoulder before taking the lead with his friends following. They walked down the street until they all turned around to look at me. Hands still in their jackets. I started walking towards them, when I reached the small group they proceeded to walk with me in the middle of them. There will me a moment eventually, where they wouldn't pay attention to me, I couldn't leave now. Its weird, they seem like the guys I meet at work all the time. I imagined violent people to be old heavyweight guys, crazy alcoholics. But speaking to these guys I could never have guessed. “ We are almost here, “ their leader said, turning to me. “ See that bridge over there? always drunks underneath, there like punching bags, never met someone defending himself.” He proudly announced. Do they expect me to join? I have never hit someone, well maybe in kindergarten. My father broke his hand in his first fight, that won't happen to me though. One of the guys went in for a fast uncalled punch, the drunk he hit fell to the ground. Followed up by a kick, the drunk held his hand in front of his mouth before throwing up. “ Come on Frank it's your turn now “ he said, turning away from the drunk. I got a push from behind now standing half an arm length away from the homeless looking drunk guy. I kicked him in his stomach, he let out a scream, “ please stop “ he begged. I bent down, his stench filled my nose. Punching him in the face hurt less than I expected. My hand is not broken either. I turned away from him, the other guys were watching me, all with a smile on their face. awful people.

3 weeks later

I rolled down the car's window. The wind threw itself against my face making my cheeks sting. “ I never asked why you do this “ I turned to James. “ You've been to a station right “? "Yes, of course, “ I answered. “ Before this we all believed in god, in an afterlife you know, hell and heaven. But after experiencing it for ourselves we realized how our actions while living don't have any consequences. Everyone here used to be religious, not doing what they wanted for the sake of god. There isn't one after all, so we formed this group, living everyday, filling it only with things we enjoy.” James said. “ So you always wanted to do these things “? I asked him. “ I have, what about you, why are you here “? 

“ Well I never believed in any god or an afterlife, so the stations just proved my opinion. But I guess if there was something stopping people from committing crimes and sins, I guess I would call that a god.” “ You with your philosophies, “ James said, and we both started laughing. Though I don't think he understood what I meant with that. The car stopped in a small alley, and Phillip, our driver, got out. The back of the ally had a drunk guy sitting in it. Phillip beat him up mercilessly. These guys beat up people daily. I got used to watching it. But right now Phillip took it a little far. The guy, already being unconscious, reacted to none of his punches in any way. I opened the car door “ Phillip that's enough, you'll kill him”! I screamed. Him not reacting at all I stepped out and ran at him pushing him away from the nearly dead guy after reaching him. Blood all over his face, basic features like his nose not even visible anymore from all the swellings. “ Are you crazy? “ I asked Phillip. He stood there glaring at me. “ Since when do you give orders, kid “ he said. 

“ I don't, but we shouldn't kill anyone, they clearly told us multiple times “ ! He took another step closer to me. “ They didn't, “ he said, raising his arm. He threw me to the ground, the asphalt hitting both my elbows. I could instantly feel them bleed. James screamed at him from inside the car. But Phillip hit me again….

I woke up laying in the same alley. My blood next to me on the ground had spilled out of my mouth. I must have lost consciousness sometime while receiving his punches. Getting up I saw the guy Phillip beat still there on the ground. No one else was around, not even James. Searching for them was meaningless, they committed so many crimes not being found is like breathing to them. Probably for the best. Would they come search for me? Usually I'm the guy beating up others, feeling it yourself was different from what I imagined. I had now felt what they did. I looked once again at the guy on the ground, before walking home. 

Back in my apartment I poured myself some whiskey into a glass. Sitting down on my couch I put my feet next to me on the table. Drinking the whole glass in one sip, I realized I couldn't hear my radio. Why bother? Lifting my shirt up bruises were all over my chest and stomach I felt some on my back too. Did my punches leave the same marks? Hopefully they wouldn't come knock on my door expecting me to come do those things again. In that moment I wished to have never known what's after death, I wished for the chance of a god, for the chance of hell.