The Windsor Knot

As Lewis stood in the bathroom mirror tying his tie, a single tear rolled down his face. Then another, and another, and another. His silent tears dampened his cheek; the saltiness would be palpable to Daisy’s soft lips, but he didn’t swipe them away. He let the tears continue, some even dribbled down to his tie. He had tied his tie hundreds of times in his life, but this was the first time the task had ever made him cry. 

He was having such a hard time calming his nerves. His fingers shook and were unsteady, and his palms were so sweaty. Trying to grasp the shell of his silk tie was like trying to grasp a wet fish in his bare hands - slippery, flapping and uncooperative. “Had it always been like this,” Lewis wondered?

He was so overcome with emotion, but he knew that Daisy would understand.

***

He could see Daisy’s beautiful reflection in the mirror. Her curls framing her face, head slightly cocked to the right watching him. And he could hear her voice gently telling him that his tie was crooked and that he did it all wrong. He knew that at any moment she would come into the bathroom and tease him and just redo the whole thing herself. She would then proceed to tell him that she just couldn’t understand why after all these years, he still couldn’t ever get his ties right. She would recite, almost singing, “pass the thick end over the front of the thin end…” while her soft, slender hands tied a beautiful Windsor knot with ease. He would watch her movements in the mirror and would always think about how lucky he was.

“And that’s how you do it, Lewis.” 

“Someone oughta teach you how to tie a tie.” Then they would both heartily laugh like this was the first time either had ever heard Daisy make this joke. 

Her hands would linger for a moment on her finished masterpiece, and then she would stand on the tips of her toes to give Lewis a soft kiss on his cheek. The same cheek that was now covered with salty tears. And then they would wrap each other in a warm embrace with her head nestled on his chest.

Lewis always messed up his ties on purpose because he loved Daisy fixing them for him. He was never one hundred percent sure if she knew he was faking it (although he had a pretty good inkling), but she never let it show if she did know. Lewis knew that Daisy loved this moment just as much as he.

It was their morning ritual; their time to bond and release everything from the day before. Their time to just exist together before they had to go face the day’s separate responsibilities. Their time to just be. He was so in awe of Daisy and loved sharing this private moment with her. It made him feel like they were the only two in the universe. It was his favorite part of his day and one he carried with him in everything he did.

At work, he would always get compliments on his pristinely tied Windsor knots, and he would mentally sing Daisy’s praises. He wore his Windsor knots as a source of pride, of tribute to his wife because no one else knew the secret those knots held. He felt like by telling anyone Daisy made the knots would betray their intimate secret and would give away one thing that the world could not interfere with.

***

Lewis remembered the first time he ever saw Daisy with her beautiful brown curls cascading her profile. She was intensely studying two cucumbers in the grocery store, and from across the store, he felt drawn in. He knew he had to find an excuse to go talk to her. Right as he approached her, she turned toward him, and her beautiful brown curls were nothing compared to her smile and the warmth in her eyes. 

Suddenly, he couldn’t speak or even remember his name. 

“Would you like a cucumber?” Daisy clearly knew what was happening and tried to make it less awkward for Lewis. From that moment on, Lewis knew he was hooked. And he was right. They were married eleven months later.

That was sixteen years ago, and the two of them had been inseparable ever since. But sixteen years comes with a lot of life living and a lot of the world interfering. Job changes, promotions, miscarriages, grieving, fights, vacations, new adventures, new friends, old friends, and death. Sixteen years of falling in love over and over again. Sixteen years of being brave and being strong for each other.

And through it all, Daisy was always there to tie his tie in that beautiful Windsor knot every morning, even through the job changes, promotions, miscarriages, grieving, fights, vacations, new adventures, new friends, old friends, and death.

***

Only now Daisy was gone, and this was the first morning in sixteen years that he was tying his tie without her. So on this morning, he stood in the bathroom mirror all alone trying to tie his silk tie, a solid white tie with one large, beautiful daisy that Daisy gifted to him years ago. At the time, Daisy had told Lewis that was the tie that she wanted him to wear to her funeral because daisies make people happy. An oddly cheerful request for something so somber. 

He left the tie boxed for years and never thought about it again. Sure it would be a long time before he would ever need it. But last night he had to dig it out of the attic because today was that somber day.

So, as he tied his silk tie into a Windsor knot without Daisy for the first time in hundreds of ties, he could see her reflection in the mirror, and he could hear her saying “pass the thick end over the front of the thin end…” He could feel her hand lingering, feel her soft kiss, and feel her head against his chest.

But Lewis knew that his morning ritual would never be the same.