Cling

It was another packed house in the gym on a cold Friday night.  The vibrations from the screams could be felt no matter where you were sitting in the gym.  Especially if you were sitting on the end of the bench where Dante was sitting.  That’s where he always sat... at the edge of the bench with a towel over his head wishing it was an invisibility cloak.  He never got in the game.  He didn’t care.  Why would he.  At 5’9” with a scrawny build, why would he get to play?  Surely nobody else cared about him either.  Not even his father, whose absence in the stands did not go unnoticed by Dante.  No, people were not worried much about Dante.  They were all here to see Aaron Santamaro.  The Great Aaron.  Mr. Perfect.  The Golden Boy.  Straight A student whose classroom accolades were overshadowed only by his success on the basketball court.  

Finally the buzzer went off for half-time and Dante’s teammates followed the coach into the locker room.  “We’re doing great out there.  We gotta box out and get back on defense.  They’re killing us on fast break points.  Now, on offense we should - ”  

“Give the ball to Aaron, then stand around like idiots while he demonstrates his human superiority.”

“Dante!”  The coach screamed louder than he ever had before.  

“Jesus, Dante,” Aaron casually replied in between sips of water from his bottle, “I had forgotten you existed until just now.  Why don’t you just do everyone a favor and go back to being irrelevant?”

“Nobody likes you,” Aaron continued matter of factly, “You’re only here because people feel sorry for you - ”     

The next five seconds were hard to describe. Dante was suddenly on top of Aaron, who was now laying on the ground covering his face from Dante’s punches.  Finally the coach and a few players pulled Dante off of Aaron and carried him into the hall.

“You’re done!  Go home! Don’t bother coming to school on Monday either.  The principal will call your dad tonight to sort this out.”

He came home to find his father sitting at the kitchen table having a staring contest with some overdue bills.  Dante was not in the mood.  He quickened his pace so he could make it to his room in peace.  His father seemed to fall apart a little more each day over the past few years.  His dad stood up and approached Dante.   

“The game can’t be over already.  What happened?”

“What happened is that this was all your idea.  Remember?  You made me join the team because you didn’t know what else to do with me.  Epic fail.  Thanks for that!  The principal will tell you the rest.”  Dante quickly entered his room and closed the door quickly.  After a momentary silence, he heard the chair legs scooch back under the kitchen table.  Dante knew that his father stood there with his hands exasperatedly on his head for a few moments only to sit back down at the table in frustration.  After all, everyone gets frustrated with Dante.  No exceptions. 

“Dante,” his father was standing in the doorway of his bedroom an hour later, “can you come out here please?”  Dante walked to the doorway of his room.  “I spoke with the principal,” his father started, “You’ll have to go in front of a disciplinary board to discuss whether or not you will be allowed back in school.”

Dante didn’t make eye contact or acknowledge what was said.  His father continued.

“Principal said that since the Winter Break starts in a couple days, the meeting will be in afterwards in January.  He gave me a reference of a therapy group that just started.  Attending a few sessions over the break will really help your case that you want to return to school and are willing to change.  First session is tomorrow morning at 10am.”  

Dante remained silent and refused to look in his father’s direction.  “Fine,” he said and turned and walked back into his bedroom.  

The group was located at the community center, about a 20 minute walk from Dante’s house.  He found the room and stood in the doorway for a moment debating whether or not to enter.  There were about eight other teenagers there.  They mostly seemed to be about 16 years old like him.  He seriously considered turning around and walking out until he saw her.  In the middle of the room sitting next to an empty chair was a very cute girl.  She looked up and waved at him as she sipped coffee.  She waved him over and motioned for him to sit down.  Dante didn’t remember deciding to sit next to her.  Some seemingly invisible force moved his legs towards her and he sat down and prepared to introduce himself.  Just then, the facilitator entered the room and motioned for everyone to sit down in the circle of chairs setup.  She was short and stout and looked to be in her early 50s.  She was smiling so much it seemed as though her face was permanently fixed in a grin.  Her dark brown hair was neatly styled and she adorned an ugly Christmas sweater that looked as if it was stolen from Mrs. Claus’s closet.

“OK, everyone!  Let’s get started.  My name is Patricia Alvarez, but please call me Ms. Patricia.  Take a seat and we’ll begin our journey.”

“Journey…?“ Dante muttered under his breath, “Now all I want to do is journey back home.”  

Dante’s gripes were interrupted by stifled laughter coming from the chair next to him.  He had almost forgotten who he had sat next to.  Now that he got a closer look, he saw that she had light brown eyes that almost matched her hair.  Her smile seemed sincere and innocent which made Dante question why she was here in the first place?  Dante finally realized that he was staring at her while he was taking in her physical features and quickly turned away.  He turned away so quickly that he lost the grip of his doughnut which flew across the room.  This spectacle interrupted what was probably well rehearsed speech by Ms. Patricia.

Ms. Patricia paused just long enough to let the laughter die down.  Although the smile never left her face, her eyes pierced into Dante so hard that he actually felt a pain in his chest.

“You, sir,” she said through a smile, “Why don’t you go next and tell us about yourself?”

“I’m Dante.”

“And…”, Ms. Patricia slowly motioned for him to continue.

“And I’m here because some kid on my basketball team is a total dick.  That’s basically it.”

“And…”, Ms. Patricia once again gestured for him to continue.

“Oh, right.  Sorry.  My teammate is a total dick and he’s entitled.  He’s an entitled dick.”

There were stifled giggles all around the room.  

“I see some of us will have a longer journey than others”, Ms. Patricia said sharply through a fading smile.

She then jumped back into her introductory remarks.

The girl sitting next to Dante leaned towards him and whispered, “You’re doing a great job.  She definitely doesn’t hate you right now.”

It took a few seconds, but Dante realized that he was actually smirking at her comment.  

“Yeah.  Sucks for me,” Dante whispered leaning towards her, “Now she’ll never share with me where she buys her sweaters.”

The girl began to chuckle.  “You seem very happy to be here,” Ms. Patricia interjected.  “Why don’t you introduce yourself, young lady?”

With a bright smile on her face, she calmly addressed the group saying, “My name is Elise.  I just moved here a couple months ago.  My school counselor heard about this group and thought it would be a good opportunity to talk through some things while,“ Elise raised her hands to make air quotes, “creating and maintaining strong interpersonal connections.”  She then took a casual sip of her coffee and stared back hard at Ms. Patricia.  Despite her soft face, she stared back at Ms. Patricia with a look that seemed to say, “I’m done talking.  Ask me another question at your own risk…”

“Well, that sounds lovely,” Ms. Patricia responded.  “This is certainly the place to build connections and move forward.  After all,” she smiled and leaned in, ‘you only lose what you cling to’.  You all would do well to keep that famous quote from Buddha in mind.  Over the course of the next two weeks, my program will facilitate change in…”

Dante noticed a change in Elise.  He wasn’t quite sure what Ms. Patricia meant, but it seemed like Elise understood.  He couldn’t quite put his finger on it.  There was definitely something alluring about Elise.  She was a living paradox.  Her demeanor seemed so inviting, yet you somehow knew to give her space.  Her voice seemed gentle, yet her delivery let you know that she was no delicate flower.  If anything, she was more thorn than rose.  Dante didn’t know whether to fear her or befriend her.  Either way, he wanted to know more.

After the session, Dante went outside, he saw Elise standing in front of the building looking at a book.  She didn’t appear to be reading it.  She was holding it in her hands and staring at it as if the book was beaming the words into her brain.  When Dante got closer, he saw that it was a children’s book with a cartoon teddy bear on the front.     

“Elise?” 

“I have to do this,” she said. 

“Do what?”

“I’m going to return this library book.”

“That’s Fine.”  Dante pointed to the right and said, “The library is three blocks away.  I actually have to walk in that direc-”

“On 53rd Street.”

“There is no 53rd Street.”

“In New York.”

“Oh.  Like, right now? That’s about 150 miles away.”

“Yes,” Elise said with a hint of desperation in her voice.”  I’m going right now. You should come with me.”

Dante saw the determined look in her eyes.  For some reason, he knew he didn’t have a choice.

“OK.  How do we get there?  If you wait here, I can go get my bike - ”

“We’ll take the bus, smartass,” she snapped through a grin, “The bus station is two blocks away.”

“Aye aye, captain,” Dante saluted, “lead the way.”  

The bus was not very crowded and they easily found seats in the back of the bus.  They had said very little to each other since standing in front of the community center.  Dante decided to break the silence.

“So I’m all for an impromptu misadventure across state lines,” Dante said as the bus drove down the highway, “but I have to imagine your family will be looking for you.  A brother?  Sister? Someone will be asking about you.  What are you gonna tell them?”    

“Guess it turns out Mr. Carefree actually has a lot he cares about.”

Dante wasn’t sure why this comment stung.  Yet, he also was not as angry as he thought he would be.

“I’m just sayin’, he said as he tried his hardest to look casual and aloof, “there are things we didn’t consider.”

“I’m an only child and my parents won’t mind.”  Elise turned towards the window.  She looked out at the reflection of the sun on the Delaware River.  Her voice was lower as she explained, “At least now when they refuse to look at me, they’ll have a reason,” she said softly.  

They finally arrived at the Port Authority at 3:15pm.  “Let’s stop and get some coffee.  I’m exhausted from the bus ride,” Dante said.  

They ordered their coffee and sat down.  “Ok.  This is probably the part where you tell me what we’re doing up here,” Dante said over the brim of his coffee as he sipped it slowly, “My Christmas shopping is already done, but - ”  

“Does that work for you?” Elise asked abruptly.  

“OK.  You got me.  I haven’t started Christmas shopping yet.”

“No.  I mean the constant deflections and shutting people out.”

Dante was so taken aback by the sudden sharp turn of the conversation that he spilled his coffee down the front of his shirt.  

“Easy, second string therapist.  I know we just traveled up the turnpike together on a whim, but don’t think you know me or anything about me.”

“Please.  I know enough about you.”  She took another sip.  “Anyone who’s talked to you for two minutes gets you.  It’s not that difficult.”  

Dante could feel the burning in his chest.  He had not felt this way since halftime at the basketball game last week when he tackled Aaron.         

Elise lazily rolled her eyes and took another sip of her coffee, seeming uninterested in the scene that was unfolding in front of her.  

Elise’s dismissive attitude only fueled Dante’s anger.  It was at this point that the patrons sitting nearby began to notice the extra loud conversation between Dante and Elise.  

“Look,” his body was tense and his voice was shaking, “if there’s something wrong with me it’s because of judgemental people like you who never know how much they really have!  I cannot stand being around people who just float by like life doesn’t suck!  I’m sorry I figured that out at an early age when…” 

Dante realized he never spoke about it before until now.  

“... when my mom died.”

Dante’s heart was beating so hard that he hadn’t noticed the barista standing beside him.  

The barista timidly asked, “Sir, is everything alright?”

Dante looked around.  Every eye in the shop was laser focused on him.  Through heavy breaths, he shook his head yes towards the barista.  He grabbed his coat from the back of his chair and quickly exited the coffee shop.  

Dante had no idea where he was going.  All he knew is that this situation proved him right.  People are unreliable.  Why trust them?

During his wandering rage, he walked past a Barnes & Noble.  Initially, he thought it was the decorations that attracted his attention.  He turned to walk away only to spin back around so fast that he almost fell into the glass.  There in the display was the same book Elise was always staring at.  He recognized that cartoon teddy bear anywhere.  It was listed as Children’s Fiction.   

Why would Elise be carrying around a children’s book?  She said she’s an only child.  Then a grim thought poured over Dante.  He was so absorbed in his hurt that he never considered that he may not be the only one who has experienced a significant loss.  

He looked up at the nearest street sign.  He was on 46th street.  He had to get to 53rd.  Once he got to 53rd, he desperately looked around until he saw her.  Elise standing on one side of the street clenching the book to her chest.  She had been crying. She was staring across the street at what appeared to be a library.  

Dante slowly approached Elise.  Without turning her head towards him or any acknowledgement of his presence, she explained, “It was a couple months ago.  I used to take my little sister here to read after school.”  She wiped her eyes and continued, “We were going to return this book and get the next one in the series.  We got off the E train right over there and began walking.  She was eight years old and so excited that I could barely contain her.  Her hand slipped out of mine and she ran into the street as the light changed.  I…  I…”  

Her eyes welled up again with tears.  Dante was so consumed with her pain, he had not realized that he was crying also.  Helping someone carry their load had actually lightened his own.   

“Elise…,” he said as he took her hand, “Don’t cling.  She’ll always be with you no matter what.  Holding onto an overdue library book won’t change that.”

Elise smiled.  She walked across the street and dropped the book in the return slot. She returned to Dante and hugged him.  Then, with her arms still around his neck, she kissed him.  Not even the whooping and sparse applause from passing pedestrians could ruin this moment.  

They arrived back at the Dover Greyhound stop at 10pm.  Dante and Elise got off the bus and walked across the street without saying a word.  Dante thought he had found the right words.  He opened his mouth, but was playfully shushed by Elise.

“You don’t have to say anything.  Just promise me you’ll take your own advice.”

She kissed him on the cheek and began walking away.  

Dante entered his house to his father sitting in the same seat at the kitchen table.  Much to his father’s surprise, Dante walked past his bedroom door and right into the kitchen.  Dante grabbed two glasses from the cabinet and a two liter bottle of soda from the refrigerator.  He poured a cup and placed it into the cup and handed it to his father.  He then poured some into the cup in front of him and raised the glass towards his father expectantly.  Dante’s father was in such a state of shock, it took him quite a few moments to gather himself and pick up the cup to toast with his son.  

“This toast is for you, dad.  Mom meant a lot to you… to us.  I can imagine how hard it was for you to watch the cancer slowly take her.  I don’t think we’ll ever fully recover from it.  But I also know that even though we no longer have her with us, we also have everything we need to keep moving forward.”

They tapped their cups together and took a sip.  After a moment, Dante’s father looked at Dante and asked through a smiling grin, “Where have you been all day?” 

Now it was Dante’s turn to smile.  “Yeah.  That.  Let me tell you about this girl I met…”